OMG I’M CUMMING (a response for………)

Original and © Andrew 

JFF and certainly not to be taken tooo literally or heaven forbid seriously……………….. note there’s no hate no nudity (well a little) no pornography and as I’ve written before 🙂 in the unlikely event you’re under 16 why not go and play a computer game, it’ll be more fun than reading this (hopefully entertaining) silliness!

If you’d like to understand how and why this very bizarre post came about ‘click here’, in my opinion a read should help explain all in less than three minutes, then again after reading you may say wtf and not bother coming back 😀 ………………… are you back? Hope so!

I’ll refrain from cross referencing belle’s post and reply to her questions instead, I’ll tell you my own masturbation story in my own words and in my opinion her’s is far better than mine anyway…………..Jeez takes me an age to begin!news1-1

Haha above isn’t the image I’d wanted 😉 to use and you’ll be relieved to know I won’t be showing you photographs of me ‘bashing the bishop’ or any other of the many ‘self love’ euphemisms out there, I have photos of me and a lady but that’ll never be shared, she’d look away!!………. oh ok if pushed here’s a photo of me inside an adult toy and ‘click here’ if you’d like to read the full post where I reviewed my adult toy………….now you’ve returned I hope you’re a little shocked! However beware before going on-line and purchasing one for you man, save your money a toy will never ‘beat’ his lover’s own hands! Hold that thought,

(Photo now removed)

:/ Why are sexual photographs of women so much more appealing and acceptable to the human eye? I’ll leave what’s actually happening above to your imaginations, you’re either a male who’ll understand all, a female who’s enough carnal knowledge to have given a helping hand or you’ve left this blog post five minutes ago! Still, revisiting this photo I have to say that was rather a nice quilt cover my sister-in-law bought me for Christmas!

The human sexual orgasm has always fascinated me, let me elaborate and let’s keep this post about self love. When you deep down think about what’s happening to your body as you intimately touch yourself, the chemicals flooding your mind, that you can experience tingling pleasurable sensations leading to explosive climatic orgasms is darn right incredible, and I’ve touched that special button on a woman’s vagina to understand those same pleasurable sensations are even more incredible, evermore intense and powerful for her, and farther still, she experiences even greater waves of pleasure when licked by a man’s wet tongue. I’ve nuzzled my face into a woman’s wide apart thighs and sensed in awe at how her body moves in response to human touch……………………… anyways enough of women what about me!

hOW-MANY-TIME-to-masterbate-min

How often and how many?

Well belle I certainly haven’t experienced 5000 orgasms that’s for sure, I would say on average I masturbate three times a week, but it’s difficult to calculate because Monday – Friday I’m too tired after work so I may never pleasure myself however if I’m feeling particularly excited I may have three wanks on a Saturday? So to answer your question I guess on average I masturbate 25 times a month, that’s 300 a year which on reflection surprises me!

I tell a lie, during summer-time watching university students congregating outside our workshop, scantily dressed in hot pants tight fitting tee shirts, well sometimes I’ll admit the sexual frustration becomes too much and I have to visit the toilet and pleasure myself…………and if ladies magazines and movies are correct, working women will time to time visit the bathroom to tip the velvet?

How about the first time?

Jeeze there’s a long story and short story, ‘click here’ for the long story, believe it or not I was over the age of 20 when I had my first orgasm and shortly after that I experienced my first wet dream, I can visualise now waking up, feeling something cold and wet against my leg, pulling back the sheets and seeing well you know. Yep I was twenty something, that linked post explains all and being serious the fact I hadn’t worked out how, incredible or what, still upsets me till this day but of course the internet has changed everything for children of today………………for the worse!

Back to your question, my first time was during lunch break at work…………..I should clarify I had my first orgasm inside the cubicle of my employers toilets! Once a week, every Friday lunch time, a wages ‘girl’ would walk into our workshop and hand out twenty packets filled with yes our wages, well our wages ‘girl’ (Jewish she was though her name escapes me) was stunning, slim with the longest legs you have seen on a woman, however she never wore skirts, sensible girl, nope she was always immaculately dressed wearing tailored figure friendly fashionable trousers and black high heeled shoes, lovely she was far to classy for the likes of us sex starved young men. Well about the time she left us, she had the elegant walk of a fashion model, I can all of a sudden remember getting an erection but this was different, this time I felt a strange sensation as if I was going to explode down below, all I knew was I had to find a toilet cubicle and when inside with a little instinctive rubbing of a twitching member I experienced my first orgasm. How did I feel? Numb and totally bewildered!

So how do I do it?

Male_masturbation.svg😀 do I really have to answer that question? I’d better not say because WordPress might be reading let’s just say there’s hand movement and leave it there! I know a thoroughly boring answer only because the way a lady masturbates herself is far more entertaining. For a rather amusing YouTube video where I can show you the one of me and my Fleshlight………. 😉 JOKING!!!

Unlike yourself each time I ‘slap the Salami’ the throbbing twitching sensations and tingling feelings are identical, I’ll touch myself just below the tip, experience amazing incredible tingling sensations, I’ll feel both balls rise all leading to a 3 second nirvana just before climax which is as I’ve said before is surely a gift from God, a feeling men spend their whole lives trying to recapture, then last of all the ejaculating orgasm.

What if someone else helps? ‘click’

Now we’re getting somewhere, when a lady gives me a helping hand the pleasurable erotic sensations are yes heightened, incredibly more intense and do you know what I actually prefer her sitting alongside wanking me, gazing into my puppy eyes, the grip of her firm hand in total command of my whole being and all the while my hand squeezing one of her boobs…………….yep then come the time, her tit nipple pressing into the palm of my hand, I always state the bleeding obvious “I’m gonna cum!” I never fail to, and best of all is when she bows her head and takes every last drop of my silky milk across her tongue! Even better if those sparkling eyes begin to water up. Am I a bad boy?

The best?

Has to be from the hand of the only lady I really loved, as I said a moment ago, she’d look deep into my eyes, always with an amused smile across her lips, loving the fact that she was controlling how my body moved and responded to her firm touch, knowing when to slow and stop the urge to climax now near killing me, C. loved pressing my buttons and me knowing she enjoyed playing me like a musical instrument made the orgasm so much more satisfying.

The worst?

If the brief suspense that comes before climaxing is interrupted, the orgasm is wasted and the feelings of frustration are almost unbearable! Have I ever been interrupted by another person, nope…………. and thank god never by my mother! bringing me a cup of tea. It happens apparently.

Anything to add?

If you were to ask me have I ever masturbated outdoors? I’d say yes on holiday in Greece, I once wrote a post about this tale tho now long deleted. The short story is I was sitting on a sandy beach, then from who knew where, a pretty lady sat on our beach but three metres away, took me aback when we were virtually the only two people there, all I can think is she felt more secure being so close to another tourist.

Even better and to my utter astonishment she stripped down to her red bikini underneath, sensually smoothed suntan cream over her body which got me hard and excited I can tell you, then she put her sunglasses on and proceeded to layback and sunbathe, next to me! Well I quietly draped a towel across my knees, pulled down my shorts and pants, then well ‘came’ all over the sand between my legs and all without her noticing. AND I can honestly say that’s the only occasion, mind you there was that other time riding a bus!

Short story, said that a few times this evening haven’t I! Many years ago whilst sat on a bus going somewhere? A young lady across the passenger aisle caught my eye wearing the tightest of tee shirts over her large firm boobs bouncing jiggling in response to our bus, well enough to say I became ever more excited, and how she never noticed my panting god only knows, well come the time, without hand stimulation a ejaculated inside my boxer shorts, a wholly incredible orgasm the only downside being I had to return straight back home to shower the sticky mess off, but yes the orgasm was worth the aggravation and trouble!

Has reading a WordPress Post ever made me cum, yes and many a time I’ll experience erections whilst reading sexy stories written by the erotic fantasy writers I follow, don’t you think that’s a good gauge of how talented a writer she is? And yes with a little stimulation she’s taken me to the point of orgasm…… 😉 thank you ladies all.

Andrew 😉

 

 

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