Peeing in the shower (JFF & NOT explicit)

Important message.
This afternoon I’ve been chatting with my fabulous 9 year old nephew and he tells me ‘The Emoji Move: Express Yourself’ is “absolute pants!” Incidentally Rotten Tomatoes approved tomatometer critics give this movie a 10% positive review, so lol you’ve been duly warned ūüėÄ

Wet-beach-men-guys-in-gear-naked-ass-jocks-shower-bath-kissing-pool-muscle-speedo- gym-gay-sex-peeing-water-sports-gif-locker-room-piss-Oh yes my post Peeing in the shower! Where shall we begin and note there’s NO imagery this is just for fun!

I haven’t published a JFF post for a while, plus I’m feeling a little hmm :/ , so I thought why not write something hopefully ‘entertaining’ yet at the same time make a serious point.

Now hold on before you leave me, ūüôā I know I’m prone to writing ‘unusually themed’ posts, an understatement if ever there was one, but believe me or not ‘Peeing in the shower’ is a serious topic for discussion amongst politicians and public health officials across many Countries, especially if they have water shortage problems.

So with water conservation in mind I thought why not discuss, try and convince you, plus share a few photographs of men taking showers I found along the way, makes a welcome change from seeing naked women. ūüôā

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Sexual Politics and childhood awakenings

Original and written by me Andrew

ūüôā My promised London terrorism Posts will have to wait, you see I read an internet News story, as you do, became distracted and started writing about something completely different instead……..anyways I enjoyed myself which is all that counts.

I’ve a question for you.¬†

Am I unique or unusual or both never seeing a photograph of a fully nude woman until child age 10? Sleepy Town upbringing and all that!

Skip forward one year. Me age @11, my brother, Paul Townsend and his older sister Helen and a nameless girl I can’t remember, are standing inside my parents garden shed and Helen says “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”…………..SECONDS later my mother who had been listening outside, flings open the door and angrily says “all of you go to your homes” ūüėÄ one minute longer I’d have seen a vagina, it would be three more years before another!……………..

(Helen and I started different schools soon after this incident!)

1 minute longer!!!! Why do I remember this story so vividly?

Hold on, don’t leave me yet that’s the tacky part over, this is a tale of first love childhood innocence and a Sex Ed. lesson I’d never forget. However my teacher left out one important ‘fact of life’, omitted something which took many years to find out, a fact that still angers me…………well it used to ūüôā

Be aware this Post is not at all creepy or sordid, possibly not every ones cup of tea but it’s all very sweet and gentle, retelling one of those milestones in life you think about time to time, possibly prompted by a story of present day sexual politics like this one….. a World gone mad?

Is the Manageress correct? Is the bathing suit inappropriate? Would the children be mentally scarred for life misunderstanding it’s the adults who are over reacting? Is a butt tooo big for its bathing suit harmful to young minds?

Or am I the one at fault thinking she looks fine?

(Btw I have age 8 and 10 nephews, I get it! I also see the work my brother goes through with ‘locking’ passwords!)

Back to me never having seen a full frontal nude woman…………mollycoddled and all that, no interweb!

I don’t envy parents in 2017, a 10 year old if ‘unlocked’ could show his friends all manner of sordid pictures on his iPhone, picture a group of confused bewildered babes watching acts they shouldn’t be, or images no one should see in their lifetime, and all via school playground free WIFI. You think I’m joking?

ūüėÄ Returning to me! If you’re at all curious, back in the day I never came across photographs of a woman’s vagina until age 10, honest! My first time being in a Primary School’s ‘special events’ classroom consisting of 30 immature students listening incredulously to a sex education class taught by one Miss Aspley……….lol a wonderful woman!

Decades have passed now and most of my youthful memories, good and bad are forgotten, however I do remember being first aware of a female’s sexuality at age 10 but at the same thinking her attractive more than sexual. We can all roughly date our blossoming sexual maturity milestones can’t we? I remember taking a bath one evening, looking down and seeing my first pubic hair, honestly, an image burnt into my mind then stored in my brain’s picture folder.

Good that!

I do remember one unusual observation, discussing ‘hardness’ with my friend Martin Ashby age 10 though not understanding what they actually were for! No the only real memories captured by my imagination were for a certain teacher called Miss Aspley, she stirred first feelings of attraction, a childish love perhaps brought on by a sweet smile, a dress that looked nice, her pretty face who knows? But I know I liked her!……..And incidentally a model teacher in every way.¬†

Would Miss Aspley wearing a high cut pink bathing suit have corrupted my young mind?

A child’s first intellectual relationship in formative years is with their Primary School teacher, parents not withstanding. My Miss Aspley was bright, seemed to have answers to all life’s questions reading imaginative stories at end the day, and like with us all childhood literature stays with us for life. Miss was engaging firm amusing all attractive qualities irrespective of age and certain ‘bomb shell’ facts taught by her in class come back to me, true, and incidentally my mother met her many years later at a funeral and she’d a daughter of her own, and isn’t it written as gospel children will have a crush on their first teacher, or are we talking adolescents?

Where was I, oh yes reasons to be romantically attached to that special school teacher even children in early formative years and again I ‘loved’ Miss Aspley as much as a 10 year old can ahh. I never described her did I?

“Miss” was a tall slim fresh faced lady, thirtyish (old) classically English rose in appearance always most definitely wearing below the knee skirts and always conservatively dressed. Though I can’t recall her face I know for certain she was very pretty with long flame red hair as fine and straight as is possible to get, I’ve refrained from using the word elegance that gives visions of sophistication and remember I’m only 10! Pretty fits nicely.

Returning to a young child’s knowledge of sexuality, do women with big buts walking around swimming pools really have a bad influence on their minds? Common! I cannot remember a woman’s body remotely sexualised at age 10, honestly. Are things different now? Yes the internet and dark web!

My young nephew said “ouch you kicked me in the penis” when his brother hit him down there……………….and my mother swallowed hard!

So yes pretty Miss Aspley stirred inexplicable feelings of attraction, an immature sexual awakening , a warmth of feelings plus a little bit more. Whichever lol all I know is I did like her, knitted jumpers in winter buttoned to the neck blouses in summer, nothing ever remotely revealing perhaps I was just enchanted by her appearance and femininity, as far as a 10 year olds perception goes. Why do I recall my first crush so clearly? Yes there’ll be serious infatuation’s with educational goddesses in years to come, but Miss Aspley is remembered because she’s my first love, as an aside isn’t a girl’s first crush her best friends father?

So back to those 30 mixed sex pre pubescent children sitting cross legged on a coarse itchy carpet in the headmasters ‘special events’ classroom. Curtains were drawn, lights turned off Miss Aspley standing at the back operating a slide projector. I can vaguely remember thinking there was something special about today, anticipated, 30 suspicious bemused children or perhaps I’m looking back through rose tinted spectacles? So there we all are, seated gazing up at a stand alone white screen on the opposite side of the room……waiting!

And so the slide show begins with room hushed to total silence (unusual for 10 year olds) ¬† Miss Aspley behind me narrating with her knowledgeable soft calmness, saying very little as black and white photographs passed before our eyes, dwelling longer on the reproductive diagrams AND THEN for the first time in my life I saw a photograph of a nude woman and her vagina, AN image that’s etched into my visual mind for all eternity, I see her face now yet many other Primary School memories are lost……so strange only particular photos remain for life! Neurons synapses fused visible for years to come.

Good that ūüėÄ (only joking)

The nude young lady in the slide show hadn’t a particularly appealing face, bored even, a short woman with a typically English pear shaped figure wide child bearing hips and not in the least bit sexualised. As for her breasts, large, no drama here, I’d watched my neighbour Mrs H. breastfeed daughter number three plenty of occasions! …………. And again I can’t remember female breasts being sexualised at age 10, probably because I’d viewed them as producing milk keeping her infant alive.

Back to the swimming pool, a bathing suit? Really?

Don’t prompt me for any more facts gleaned from that Sex Ed. lesson because I remember little else, apart from that is, a photo of a tall naked gentleman with beard and glasses having a mass of jet back pubic hair surrounding his penis………again no big deal, unfortunately I’d caught glimpses of my father to understand hair sprouted from that region down below, yuck!!!!!

So there you, a life changing day for me at least, a Sex Ed. lesson over very quickly, we’re imparted the basics of reproduction, diagrams depicting a tadpole’s travels from testicle to egg via insertion of the bits, a series of un-sexy black and white photographs of the naked male and female human mammal, and again for reasons of a need to know basis I cannot remember the library having ANY sex education books.

Shouldn’t all childhoods be this way, a never to be forgotten lesson, a first attraction to a female but not understanding why? I’m back to Enid Blyton literature now……………..did you Google?

All in all my sex education lasted half an hour with NO questions and very much on message narration by ‘matter of fact’ Miss Aspley, but I do remember her as humourless without a hint of embarrassment and almost definitely bored witless. A brief memorable Sex Ed. lesson with graphic content little more than a series of photos (I think!) accompanied by sketchy diagrammatic theories of reproduction, no placing rolled up condoms on the tips of bananas, a fruit chosen for length diameter and curve, giggling excited children unfurling sperm barriers by use of their mouths. I’m KIDDING!!!

So there you are that was the breadth of my sexual knowledge for years and years to come and still amuses me till this day that I no comprehension of what a vagina looked like until age 10, if you’re interested the next was age 14 and only then after purchasing that copy of MAYFAIR from a boy in the sports hall changing room…………ahh but for one minute more…….remember Helen!

How times have changed…………………..horrifically for the worse, the dark web, abuse.

STIs and masturbation came years later, but annoyingly Miss Aspley said NOT a single WORD OF MASTURBATION, I had a right to be informed my body was capable of giving intense feelings of pleasure, special, safe enjoyable healthy for mind body and spirit, yes at age 10 she should have told me, but not a single word, I’m kept in the dark for years to come. Ignorance did have harmful consequences later in life and I’m still annoyed about that, I didn’t work out ‘how to’ for many years to come and not being told is inexcusable, even Biology at Secondary School was just as bad,¬†

A personal friend Emma says “I think I worked it out for myself ” hmm why didn’t I?

We should live our lives without fear of censorship shouldn’t we, education is empowerment, knowledge gives us judgement, lets us make informed decisions, corrects mistakes.

Tell children how to masturbate and the reasons why!!! Of course now I’d go to the NHS website but back in the day? ………..Word of mouth and a 4 channel TV set.

The internet, an innocence lost…………. ūüôā I get it!

So returning to my school lesson for one final time, Miss Aspley’s unwrapped and opened her Pandora’s box, 30 children have just realised adults have been keeping them in the dark and no harm was done. Sex Ed. lesson over, lights are switched on, curtains are drawn and this slim pretty lady with flame red hair walks calmly to the front of my class, stands by the white silk screen and as God is my witness I can remember thinking………….

‘Miss take all your clothes off!’ A sexual awakening if ever there was one ūüėÄ

The End.

© Andrew.

52 – Afternoon silly musings and an update

(Note the lady is 49 years young)

I shouldn’t apologise for¬†my absence should I, ūüôā I¬†know I haven’t posted for a while¬†which is ok just appreciate¬†I read every post¬†my favourite bloggers¬†share, whether poetry, mental illness, paintings, relationship advice, movie reviews and so much more.¬†A ‘Forest Gump’ analogy often comes to mind when trying to sum up my WP reading experiences,¬†the blogs I¬†Follow¬†could be ‘like¬†a box of chocolates’…….. ūüôā an eclectic¬†‘mixed bag ūüėÄ ‘ of diverse entertaining, wonderful prose¬†writings¬†and photographs. I guess the blogs¬†we all follow are a reflection of own lives¬†loves interests and problems,¬†God knows lol what people make of mine but thank you for your time spent here¬† ‚̧

Anyways there you are, truth be known I get very tired these days plus I need to get laid, :/ a big mistake writing when one needs to masturbate and release all that pent up sexual tension, a f#ck buddy sounds wonderful and orgasmic, do you know what, a lady I once chatted with over coffee in a railway station cafeteria hinted at something perhaps every blogger should take heed of,

“Andrew, the trouble is darling, I developed feelings for my f#ck buddy, fell for him a little and then he stopped emailing……..but on the plus¬†I tried anal for the first time!”

The lady and I parted on¬†friendly terms¬†but I’d wished for so much more (love), between you and¬†me I briefly¬†cried on the train ride home, only for a minute or so¬†but I did shed a tear oh and incidentally by pure accident I’d touched her boobs, Christ you can go to prison these days for ‘accidents’ like that!¬†That evening I worriedly apologised¬†by email and she replied¬†saying she “didn’t mind”, calling me “rather cheeky” which was a relief!

You see as¬†I pulled away after a rather long embrace, the palms of my hands stroked the lace sides of her¬†rather large bra cups and note¬†she was wearing a thin cotton¬†blouse at the time!……..I don’t mind admitting¬†I fell in love with her and THAT’S why I¬†know for certain internet dating just isn’t for me, you see¬†I fall in love too easily and¬†I have a feeling I could get my heart broken or worse!

Many months later¬†when¬†the lady blogger and I were sitting together at¬†a table¬†in some provincial railway station caf√©, all very Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson¬†and the¬†Brief Encounter movie comparisons wasn’t lost on me, there we both were excitedly enjoying¬†discussing our lives together, when she very loudly¬†announced,

“Well Andrew you DO have a rather nice cock”,¬†giving rise to¬†a young lady seated at a table close by to turn her head¬†and throw my blog friend a look of shocked slightly stunned disbelieve, well you would wouldn’t you,¬†then seconds later having¬†composed¬†herself¬†she smiled and¬†returned to whatever she was doing, you’ll glean from that remark¬†my friend and I¬†had become¬†kinda blog intimate exchanging photographs!!


A…N…D…R…E…W stop right there!

Anyways enough of that silliness, remember my previous post? The one where¬†I’d intended to share photos¬†of scenic¬†views taken in and around¬†the Lake District National Park? Only I didn’t preferring instead to write about a bus stop liaison, well for those of you who care lol I never met the lady again, the days passed by and¬†I don’t know after a while meeting her again¬†seemed not such a good idea. AND I certainly wasn’t¬†returning just out of an inquisitiveness, no¬†I’d never half heartedly play with another persons emotions like that, either I seriously wished to get to know her, or I didn’t, there is NO in between.

I promise my next blog will be personal photographs taken in and around the Lake District National Park.

Andrew ūüôā


9. Blind Dating (a long time ago!)


ūüôā This cartoon really did make me smile’.

I have a blind date tale to tell which may have scarred me for life, maybe not, maybe¬†it’s just¬†a convenient excuse!

I’d guess we all have experiences which leave¬†their indelible mark on our psyche,¬†upsetting us, breaking our hearts,¬†impacting our lives for years¬†to come¬†or for¬†the truly unfortunate perhaps¬†you’ve experienced a combination of all four! Ok¬†yes a little melodramatic, we all have to learn and move on but¬†are affairs of the heart that easy? So how many¬†tales¬†do you have to tell and did they actually affect you so¬†greatly they may have altered the way you live your life for evermore, then again all experiences shape our future lives so get a grip Andrew.


ūüôā I’d guess this one’s pretty much spot on.

A tale for you, and I’m always honest, after walking the third girl home¬†I gave up¬†girls as not worth the upset, mind you¬†if I’d been masturbating at that point in my life I’d have been on the Town next evening looking for¬†an easy lay,¬†forgotten all three, isn’t the pursuit of sex how relationships come about? I’m a nice guy so I¬†don’t use women, then again dicks control¬†a guys¬†thought process and I have history lol!

But truthfully after saying goodnight to the third girl¬†I gave up¬†dating girls quite a lot actually ūüė¶ the first two were¬†nice but I’d put my hopes up,¬†the third lol¬†a cow¬†convincing me¬†a sex drive could have made me¬†date differently all these years after, so ūüėÄ blame¬†my laziness on¬†lack of¬†masturbation! Err does that make sense?

Yes I have a tale that scarred me for life, not the one where I came out of an ensuite bathroom to be faced by a guy stark bollock naked in his¬†bedroom, don’t ask how and why! A¬†guy¬†armed with a hard very erect dick¬†and¬†that¬†knowing look in¬†his eyes where ‘gulp’ I¬†understood¬†where¬†he wanted to insert it! (My mouth if you’re curious).

A tale for another day, or maybe not I’ve told¬†you once before!


ūüôā This one’s got creepy overtones!

I’ll set¬†a scene, a good few years ago when I was really young, I experienced the hell that is going on a blind date,¬†in fact¬†friends played cupid with my heart three times in the space of¬†one year and¬†still a virgin as well¬†(that has a baring on whether you give up or not).¬†Three is a¬†big mistake, three¬†horrible¬†blind dates¬†one after another¬†all set up by lovely well meaning¬†friends who yes cared for my happiness,¬†and being a weak man¬†and frightened of hurting peoples feelings¬†I didn’t say¬†no.

BUT THEY WEREN’T THREE hellish ladies, that’s important, all lovely girls though the third was a bit of a cow!

I once told a horrified escort this story.

I’ve learnt an important lesson as I’ve gotten older, become wiser as the years pass,¬†I¬†have the right to say¬†NO without feeling guilty. OKAY I’m all melodramatic tonight lol and it’s wrong to ‘pass the blame’, so I didn’t get the outcome¬†I hoped for, that’s life!¬†And note my emotions were resignation never anger.

The first date was to be an evening at the cinema¬†accompanying several other¬†couples, me being¬†paired up¬†with the sister of one of¬†the groups young men, still with me?¬†I’m writing this many years later and I do recall the warm¬†afternoon,¬†off the shoulder summer dresses and you know how it is, all evening lovely couples¬†engineering we be alone or walk down¬†a City street side by side. ūüôā No doubt¬†amusingly fun for the girlfriends but for me and the young lady¬†awkward comes to mind, love wasn’t in the air, very little chemistry, naughty girls¬†we all know¬†women enjoy match making, anyways my¬†‘girlfriend’ was pleasant but alas¬†love was never in the air and certainly no physical attraction,¬†lol¬†I’m still unsure what¬†“reading dictionaries is a good way to broaden ones vocabulary” lol actually means?

I’m a little pathetic aren’t I, but take it from me ‘cold’¬†blind dates¬†ain’t a good idea!

I’m being a little¬†disingenuous, the evening was pleasant enough and I wasn’t forced to go,¬†I agreed because well you never know do you? We could have ‘hit it off like a house on fire’,¬†now happily married ** years later with three kids or ūüôā just good friends.


ūüôā All guys hope for a¬†hand up¬†her skirt don’t they?¬†

Believe it or not the second date was even worse lol.¬†A male friend¬†at the time asked if I’d¬†like to go for a meal with¬†him, for what I believed to be¬†at the time¬†with only him! We organised the date¬†restaurant and time,¬†but come the evening might heart sank as he pulled into my drive for¬†there was a young woman with long jet black¬†hair sitting next to him, the blackest coloured hair I’d ever seen and masses of it, as black as Paola’s. God knows what her pussy looked like? (Not Paola’s!) Must of resembled a pussy cat sitting across her bare crotch, maybe that’s where the term¬†pussy originates from?

Sorry I got side tracked.

I opened the car’s rear door, sat in a seat behind¬†them and he introduced the young lady as a friend from work with a name I can’t recall, in fact I can’t remember any of the¬†three ladies names!¬†¬†Introductions made we¬†drove to this quiet restaurant in the Cotswolds, as you can imagine the atmosphere was tense but friendly the¬†conversation awkward¬†and a¬†little forced. We were both shy¬†consequently¬†my¬†friend put all the work in, he was a good natured man he obviously¬†knew both¬†myself and the single¬†lady well (we didn’t), then¬†no doubt compared our personalities and¬†came up with a cunning plan ‘bring us together’ and be known around Church as ‘a matchmaker’ lol. Looking back you could¬†say not telling me was a little deceitful, he should really have told me this lady was coming perhaps he was worried I’d cry of with an excuse.


ūüėÄ Scary or not I’d¬†still give her one!

I was tooo young for blind dates.

So was the date a mistake? Maybe, looking back I’m not the right type to have a surprise sprung upon me, I need preparation time in which to get all worked up, gregarious extroverts¬†would have soon put thoughts of romance aside and just enjoyed a convivial evening¬†out but don’t get me wrong, she was lovely¬†my friend had good intensions and as I remember we all parted on happy terms.¬†Then again she could just have been the one! I could be married now putting a daughter through college¬†or helping a son erect a garden fence this weekend!

How life’s direction turns on one chance meeting. The young lady and I could have ‘clicked’, my friend could have dropped us off, allowed us¬†to walk home together, we could have wandered into the park, lay in the long grass my hand inside her panties fingering, then f#cked each others¬†brains out!……………….Andrew Stop! She was¬†a lovely¬†sweet young lady.

I’m JOKING, you know me I can be¬†‘clean’ for only¬†so long ūüėÄ she was a nice girl I wonder what her pussy looked like?


:/ Can’t say I’ve ever seen one.

So maybe you’re wondering¬†am I angry with¬†my deceitful kind¬†friend?¬† Of course not, knowing mischievous Norman he hoped we’d suit each, how could I dislike someone who cared. Incidentally he¬†has triplet daughters age 17 last time I saw them and absolute stunners.

Are you curious as¬†to what happened in between us driving to the restaurant and¬†Norman dropping us off at our two homes?¬†As I remember¬†we all had a pleasant meal and yes as I remember pleasant conversation ūüôā¬†you know how in life how events and life experiences are remembered as¬†photographs imprinted across¬†our minds, and¬†as the years pass so those¬†pictures become less and less, then after a generation you’re left with¬†an evening out perhaps¬†as just two of those photographs.

Well my photograph is¬†of a dark haired¬†young lady sitting across from me, shy quiet and¬†me wondering whether her silence was nerves,¬†or me being me, I’d convinced myself by then she really didn’t¬†like me. Looking back I realise my stupidity,¬†a friend of Norman’s would have been a lovely person¬†though probably on the quiet side and if I’d followed the date up, phoned, then¬†a second proper date could have been fun with the ice already broken.


ūüôā One for the ladies.

My own feelings are easily hurt and¬†I should have jumped back on the dating horse, the ladies above were nice girls ūüôā though the third was nasty to me, lol if the three¬†dates had been relaxed and fun,¬†an absence of uncomfortable atmosphere, then¬†with a little confidence would I¬†have met girls a different way?

Blind dates aren’t a good idea.

If by then I’d discovered lol the joys of masturbation, that orgasmic¬†heavenly release, then next evening out on the piss I’d have been out searching down an¬†easy lay, she’d have played hard to get, I would have pursued her wearing her defences down then f#cked her brains out on the honeymoon.

ūüôā Now that silly¬†Post above is finished I may or may not write about the third girl.