Masturbation, Facebook Twitter and Instagram, a Greek holiday tale, thoughts AND THANK YOU

thanks-lady-bug(Thank you to the 4 ladies for commenting yesterday 🙂 However I decided to delete the/your replies basically because I wouldn’t want someone to read this :/ ‘amusing post’ with very adult themes then forward to your blog, the internet being the internet and all that, my choice, perhaps you have second thoughts also? Like I said your comments were 🙂 appreciated (very) and useful as regards twitter and facebook and Instagram…….. anyways you get the idea. If a post is good enough (haha whatever that means), entertaining enough then people will like, the post was just for fun anyway. TY

😮 🙂 😀 😦 😉 (awesome for a sex blogger) 😛 XD :/ >:D 😡  😕 o_O 😳 🙄 😎 ^^’

Btw aren’t Emojis the best invention EVER! Seriously, they’re awesome add one yellow smilie to a sentence and it sets your emotions alight, and the iPhone Emojis are even MORE FABULOUS!!! Did you know they’re the product of texting in olden days when a phone message had so few characters users resorted to LMAO LMFAO……….

But I hate LOL, why? Is anyone actually Laughing Out Loud? My niece say lol within a spoken sentence, strange but adorable. Andrew)

Yesterday’s Post

I’m always curious as to why a blog falls silent, not because I’m nosey I’m just curious, have they gone ghost or finished forever? Especially interested if I’ve enjoyed Following. I’ve been on WP 2 years now, 2 years is a long time but I do lack inspiration which is fine, perhaps I ask to much of a simple free website? (I do) I may take a break. Anyways thank you for each view like and comment, you made me so happy.

If you didn’t consider my ‘writing varied eclectic and haphazardly ‘all over the place’ before this Post then you haven’t read this one yet.

My first and only Re blog……….. 60 Likes!

A blogging observation which really did catch me unawares, :/ an age thing, and I’m surprised it’s taken SO long for the ‘penny to drop’ when WordPress gives us the sharing tools …………. yes I speak of clicking those tiny icons which send you to Twitter and Facebook! Duh so obvious.facebook-twitter-instagram-2

‘WordPress is pants as regards social interaction (if you’re not very good), you have to be on Twitter!’

I didn’t write that btw, they’re not my words, whoever did goes top of the class and at the same time proving I’m slow on the pick up, social media adds an extra dimension to WP.

If I decide to take a break I’ll continue to scroll my Reader, my imagination requires it’s daily fix of amusement and intellectual stimulation to ever walk away, I watch little TV the internet is far more fun. Here’s a thought, whoever coined the phrase ‘self abuse’ as an alternative description and deranged idea masturbating is bad for you? Must have been those two faced Victorians who’s values Margaret Thatcher said we should return back to. B#ll sh#t what values? The ones that branded Charles Dickens a criminal, placed him in debtors prison just because he found himself on hard times, thank God for a Welfare State.

Time for adult themes, (there has to be with me, some like and they’re fun to make), as always if at least one person enjoys then I’m truly happy 🙂 )

Def masturbation– Stimulation of the genitals with the hand for sexual pleasure

 

“There are two kinds of people in the world, those who masturbate and those who lie!”

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Wanking! An unusual habit all those tingly sensations and waves of pleasure, I’m immature lol, playing with oneself does fascinate me, always has done, all aspects and God knows why it’s scorned upon? There’s loads of medical benefits and more.

I read that  ‘2 kinds of….’ gem in a borrowed copy of GQ Magazine and for some reason it’s one of those useless pieces of information that attaches itself to a brain synapse or whatever and will never shift or disappear………… I probably have all my neurological brain biology mixed up but you get the idea.

:/ Humour me, sex amuses the child in me.

Like I said I won’t write a Post, yes playing with oneself is incredibly pleasurable but more importantly clinicians and psychiatrists say masturbation is good for ones general health and mental well being, that idea fascinates me, you know all those pleasure giving chemicals serotonin and dopamine being released from the brain making me high, so powerful they produce orgasmic sensations men spend the rest of their lives trying to recapture. Being serious for a moment, did you know masturbating flushes the prostate gland of stale semen (think about that astounding fact for a second, could fresh semen give you prettier more intelligent babies?

Men have to Wank daily, how else do they rid themselves of aging tadpoles, hey? AND we’re knowledgably informed ‘unused’ ‘past the sell date cum’ could be linked to prostate cancer, not forgetting ‘playing’ is the safest form of sex, no STD’s. In women masturbation can help prevent cervical infections and urinary tract infections through the process of “tenting,” or the opening of the cervix that occurs as part of the arousal process. (Googled)

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So there you are, healthy for mind and good for the soul, and doesn’t send you blind 😀 . Here’s a tale, I once knew a lady who said when she was a small girl, her mother would smell her fingers and ‘tap’ the back of her hand. True, no violence or malice, just disapproving AND that lady wasn’t scarred for life, she thought it very funny.

Improved Health and Mental wellbeing, safe sex and pleasurable, seriously why do certain Christian Preachers teach children masturbation is wrong? Madness!

Serious subject pleasuring oneself, there’s a whole Series there, NO.

ENOUGH!!! (I honestly hope I’ve never offended anyone)

Are you bored yet?

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She’s surprisingly similar actually

Enough silliness, but masturbation thoughts are most welcome!

You’ve twisted my arm, I’ll tell you a true tale. Quite a few years ago I was on holiday sitting on a sandy beach in the Greek Islands, staring out across the Mediterranean Sea, a low Autumn sun shining above the horizon and practically all by myself. Short story short, my Brother and I had words, he went for a scooter ride to cool off and I sat cross legged wondering what an earth I’d done wrong?

Siblings can be together for just so long.

Then all a sudden a young lady woke me from the day dream by throwing her towel on to the sand a few metres away, quite startled me in fact, and no word of a lie I glanced up and down the beach and I can still visualize now, the lady was on her own the beach was empty and this beautiful young blonde was rolling out her large towel a few metres from me……..WTF? She never said a word, never looked at me, didn’t seem aware I existed, invisible I was! Why so near me when the beach was empty?

(Remember I’m always honest, 🙂 )

At the time and all these years later all I can assume is this single young lady, late twenties, felt more comfortable sitting close to another tourist rather than on her own, and just enough distance to make plain we weren’t an item, safety in numbers have you will! That’s the best I can come up with :/ she wasn’t picking me up, she fancied a day on the beach but didn’t want to be all on her own. Any problem and I could have saved her. Seriously.

So she sits down on the towel also looking out to sea, rummages through her bag, takes out a bottle of suntan lotion, places it beside her then starts to undress! Frigging incredible! And still she doesn’t glance my direction or utter a word, so strange. Cotton dress unbuttoned, that’s tossed away and unbelievably sat only metres away is a slim beautiful twenty something blonde lady wearing a skimpy two piece red bikini! Then she begins to smooth suntan lotion onto her arms and legs.

Passions rising!

Ten minutes ago I’m having an argument with my brother, five minutes ago I’m daydreaming looking out to sea, NOW this bikini clad lady lies back on her bath towel, closes her eyes, and there we both are two strangers on an empty beach, silent still and enjoying the warm late autumn sun!

Note these are the days before iPhones mp3 and earbuds, with nothing to occupy her mind I guess she lay day dreaming and my dick became hard and long, my heart was racing my breath quickening, and you’ve guessed I was excited. Amazing how one loses inhibitions when aroused, you take risks, brain chemicals and sex drive blur sane judgement. So what did you do next Andrew? I did what every sexually excited male would do, I silently drew my knees forward grabbed a towel to cover my waist and thighs then as quiet as I could wiggled my bottom and pull my shorts and pants down.

And all the while she lay serenely relaxed eyes closed, not a care in the world, oblivious to this panting English Tourist sat metres away one hand under towel, holding his dick masturbating himself IMPORTANTLY all the while staring at her gorgeous near naked body,only red bra and briefs for modesty.

Still to this day I close my eyes and see this gorgeous young blonde babe as if by photograph, all I can think now is surely I can’t have been THAT silent! You know breathless gulping and panting, well after a minute or so, yep that quick I came hard onto the sand between my legs, surely she heard me climax? Nope at no point did she turn and look or open her eyes, 😀 what if she had, clocked a tourist knocking one off staring at her breasts…………….could have been an interesting scene if my brother had come back.

I was spent and satisfied but can’t for the life remember what happened next, not a clue, I’d guess she went her way and I went mine, ok not a riveting story but unusual. Note I do realise these days a wanking man would be arrested and get 5 years for gross indecency, quite right to, doing disgusting acts like that in full view of watching women is sexual assault, and knowingly sadistic! Yes. BUT I still consider ‘mine’ was all very innocent (first and last), if she’d looked she may have guessed and at worst she’d have kicked sand in my face! 😀

So have you ever masturbated outdoors? (As if anyone would answer 😀 )

Facebook Twitter Instagram and your WordPress

fbtwitterQuickly returning to Social Media, first off for no apparent reason I’d like to make clear I’m NOT on FB and don’t do Twitter! At my age you must be joking, never have and never will, truthfully speaking I can’t help musing there’s something a little creepy about grown men having a facebook account, boys yes, men no, there you are just an opinion. Don’t get me wrong social media is a great idea but the revolution’s passed me by…….mind you Twitter’s good if you’re famous, start a petition to get Stephen Fry back I say, my sister in law is on FB, helps her unwind of an evening after the kids go to bed. 

Oh yes where was I, thoughts of social media. For several weeks now I’ve become increasingly aware the majority of bloggers I Follow link their WordPress to Instagram Facebook and Twitter accounts and this has me asking myself why do I have a WordPress? The lack of social interaction here does make me unhappy. I need to get out more, I’m a stranger to you 🙂 I need a lay!

Don’t judge me yet, I’m so pleased when ladies reply and say Hi when I comment, an erotic poetess says my comments always make her smile, she says I have a funny turn of phrase and it’s such a pleasure others appreciate my honesty. One woman even wrote me a profile for an internet dating website, lots of encouragement and tips, she said stay clear of bs and you’ll do well, but 😦 of course I never did…………… she’d have been disappointed after doing all that for me. Oh well.

So Bloggers post then Tweet their friends with the link. Common sense! A true community of friends interacting, would be nice but no that’s for the ‘kids’ and mums/moms……… like I said I don’t, I publish and well I’m depressing myself now 😦

So are there any conclusions to be made here, no, lol you decide and please don’t ever take my posts tooo seriously, people seem to Like me

I’m WELL aware I sound ungrateful 😦 , I’m NOT , NO, I’ve met so many wonderful people from across the Globe and yes some have become ‘internet friends’, (strangers still) and who recognise my rather unusual truthful honest way of expressing myself, and I’m extremely pleased to have yes lol interacted with you and your blog writing 🙂 I hope no ones been offended by my silly little Posts or my honest comments.

Incidentally my stats say someone in China has been viewing my blog 🙂 I’m so curious which post they looked at? Housing estate Walnut Tree? Autumn Leaves photo? Downton Abbey? My balls in briefs? Oxford’s ‘Gropecunt Lane? My mum’s collie?

I’ll still Follow.

That’s enough now, amazing where a couple of hours and a meandering stream of consciousness takes me.

© Andrew 🙂 ❤

51 – The lady at the bus stop. Pt 2 (of 2)

Continued………………… (Please don’t confuse my 2 tales, remember the lady I met last Wednesday, we DIDN’T have sex at a bus stop! That’s another story)

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‘……sex, fun, laughter and cuddles over we went our separate ways, after all the evening was only ever ‘one night sex’, yes I know I’d said I like to meet her again but I doubt it, NO!…………… 😀 ….I desperately want to tell all but I promised myself earlier best to be discreet and not kiss and tell, so nothing of our evening and quite right tooo even though I enjoy writing about sex, best left, enough said! So after a lovely evening together I let myself out of her electronically controlled front door into a freezing pitch black late December evening, and yes Oxford was more than a little cold last Wednesday with a dusting of white powdered frost adhered to car windscreens. After a couple of minutes walking alongside a busy main road I made out the figure of someone small standing at a bus stop ahead, I have epilepsy and don’t drive so public transport being very good in Oxford, whichever direction I walked tonight I knew I’d come across one soon enough, then jump aboard a bus that’ll take me into town.

As I approached the bus stop lit only by a street lamp illuminating a dull orange glow onto the figure beneath, with every step forward the person became clearer, so much so by the time I reached the stop I could see she was in fact, yes a lady! Aged 40’ish with an attractive face, dark hair and Oxford being so multicultural these days I just knew she wasn’t English. Her appearance apart I also realised she was wearing a rather worried expression across her face and I think I understood why, several months ago, only 200 metres from this point a girl had been abducted and raped, so seeing her standing alone still surprises me even now because ever since the rape police have instructed women not to walk the streets alone at night, err maybe that’s why she was so nervous and visibly apprehensive. Thinking about it witnessing me approaching out of the gloom then stopping right in front of her must have been lol chilling, rapist or not I could have robbed verbally abused or assaulted her…………you should read the Oxford Mail, a lot’s been happening recently.

I didn’t!

Writing here and now I’m unsure who struck up our conversation first, no idea and it doesn’t really matter or does it? Anyway acquaintances made for the next 15 minutes or so we made small talk, chatted about those inconsequential silly things in life that strangers talk about, you know how cold we were, the costs of living in Oxford, infrequent buses not running to schedule, ‘silly old me’ stories always so adorable……….. and as time ticked by she visibly relaxed, even smiling with occasional laughter. And we learnt a little more about each other such as she had a hard evening’s work ahead of her, apparently after taking a bus into town she then had to take a bus out again to one of the surrounding villages for what I can gather was her cleaning job, hard work and yes I was correct she wasn’t English, that’s fine by me btw, and at a guess I would say she was Spanish, I’m probably way off but she was of Mediterranean descent.

So there we were making small talk having a right ole jolly time, she’s friendly and personable and I’m being my usual polite self smiling and chatty. We’re told within three minutes we can judge whether we like someone or not and well I’m an open book, what you see is what you get, so know doubt by now she’d have worked out I’m a pleasant good natured guy and definitely never a threat, further still if someone nasty had approached I would have looked out for her.

After 15 minutes getting to know each other the bus comes into view stopping alongside us, surprising to me whilst boarding the bus she’s still chatting, then she pays seating herself several rows into the bus, I show my pass, follow and involuntarily as I always do, walk right past her sitting further at the rear. Yep I pass her by, happens all the time, nothing there you might think and you’re probably correct, always Correct! But on this occasion as the bus pulled away a feeling of dread flooded over me, should I have sat down next to her and carried on chatting? I think I should have, this evenings circumstances seemed a little different yet true to form, quite unwittingly I’d sat somewhere else, I hadn’t taken the chance to be well just sociable! What am I supposed to do now? Nervous is my character and I hadn’t meant anything by walking by…….. but too late now, f#ck, my indifference must have appeared rudeness. Yep I left her in peace our brief human interaction at an end, which after all ha been little more than relaxed social banter, and no doubt she’s happy and relieved not to be standing alone in the dark next to a road busy with cars driving past. ‘Yes’ I say to myself, she’s probably not given me a second thought sitting behind her. OR should I have taken the risk of overstaying my welcome by moving and sitting next to her? Bothering her have you will, annoying her, misreading an earlier human interaction as a brief encounter we all enjoy every single day and repeated thousands of times a day.

:/ I should’ve sat next to her!!!!

Now please understand what I’m about to say next is intended as tongue in cheek, not at all to be taken seriously, but I ask what if she was the one? What if this friendly Spanish lady who’d enjoyed our safe convivial conversation moments earlier had been the ONE for me? What if she was sitting there a front of me hoping I’d sat alongside her continuing to chat where she’d left off, or perhaps she’d instantly forgotten me occupying her thoughts with the hard evening’s work ahead perhaps money to earn for her children’s Christmas presents? But of course I’ll never know will I, I never sat next to her, in order to find out what happens next in our lives we have to take emotional rational risks or you end up single middle aged lonely and living on your own………like me! I know lol sad in so many ways, I should have warned you but as I said I wasn’t going to write this post.

So all these evenings later let’s just put our warmth and friendliness down to Wednesday’s circumstances or whatever, as for saying maybe she was the one, think of that silly statement as all tongue in cheek. However true life brief encounters do happen and sometimes they do end in love, silly talk I know but if there is a moral to this tale then it must be “seize the day!”

Ok I know having thoughts dilemmas and questions such as these could drive a man insane,  so just understand I’m an extremely sensible guy, all day everyday I talk with women, married or female students  and I never confuse friendliness for romance, after all crossing paths or working with the fair sex is well life itself! I’m a chatty small talk sort of guy, whether the woman sat at a supermarket checkout or the young lady sat next to me on a train who shared her sweets on our journey to Leeds, (and note I wasn’t giving sweets to unknown women got make that clear lol these days!) Where was I , oh yes thoughts of interacting with women, happens all the time without thoughts of love ever entering my mind, but tonight this Spanish lady seemed, well a little different.

Perhaps her humour friendliness smiles and willingness to talk was shear relief! Perhaps she’d been frightened to death seeing me approach out of the gloom then breathed an almighty sigh of relief on seeing I was a nice guy, unthreatening and friendly her knowing Oxford is now such a dangerous City. But f#ck what if she’d hoped I’d sat down next to her, chatted for a few minutes longer, you never know this pleasant middle aged man may have made an impression on her by the time we’d reached our final destination? The trouble with me is I’m a hopeless romantic perhaps I’ve seen the movie ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ one tooo many times.

I know I know introspective thoughts like these are pointless and questions of ‘what might have been’ could like I said drive a man insane, but perhaps tonight has been a wake up call, a good lesson……….. hmmm me thinks it’s time I should take a walk in the fresh air!

…………….finally you may be wondering, ‘Andrew the lady you had sex with earlier, is she not your soul mate?’ Good question which deserves a non flippant answer……… I’d like to tell more but some things are better left unsaid except to say we should never confuse sex with being in love, to the point perhaps you shouldn’t have sex with someone unless you truly love them and vice versa….best I can do I’m afraid.’

Written last night, all very embarrassing 🙂 Andrew

46 – The Winter Wonderland Tag

untitled-2Thank you to Ash for sharing the love also the shout out, here are my answers to The Winter Wonderland Tag created by Trisha Malone, quite an entertaining series of questions to while away an hour 🙂

A trivia fact for you all, did you know list posts are one of the most popular themes on WordPress? Apparently so, people love reading list posts, creating their own and enjoy sharing answers to questions.

All a bit of fun, here are my answers.

The Questions:

1.  Do you like the cold?

NO!

2. Favourite part of winter.

Hmm that’s a difficult one, happiness is a personal choice, easy as that!

3. Does it snow where you live?

Yes, I live in a country (UK) which experiences 4 completely defined seasons.

  • Winter’s are very cold and guaranteed snowy weather, I’ll take pictures.
  • Spring is milder often wet with broken sunshine.
  • Summers can be very hot, this year I even saw a lady doing her Supermarket shopping wearing a bikini top!!
  • Autumns are a mixture of the above, take your pick…but no bikinis!

4. Favourite clothing item during winter?

Hat gloves and scarf, I enjoy winter walks in the countryside but I can’t stand the cold.

5. Favourite winter memory?

Family Christmas’s of years gone by, the years pass and faces change in photographs taken around the dinner table, they used to be of my little brother and our Grandparents, now my brother’s not so little with two fine sons and mum and dad are the Grandparents………….life’s family cycle continues.

6. Favourite hot drink? 

A cup of tea, whether summer or winter the British love their cups of tea, in fact we’re addicted.

7. Best winter book to read curled up in a blanket. (This is my favourite question)

Without question ‘A Christmas Carol’ by Charles Dickens, and I read his short ‘Ghost Story’ written in 3 Staves every Christmas without fail. Forget all those TV and Film adaptations, especially The Muppet one!!!!! Charles novel is a truly wonderful story which I heartily recommend and darker than you’d imagine, it’ll take but hours.

8. Best winter movie to watch?

Frank Capra’s ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’, I watch on my own out of sheer embarrassment simply because I can guarantee by the end I will be in floods of tears….and I’m not joking!

9. Do you do any winter sports?

Pub games, does that count?

10. Favourite Christmas/Holiday/New year tradition?

Being part of a family Christmas.

Andrew