Before I begin, a Follower named Laura at blog ‘Skinny and Single’ replied to me that she’d be amazed if someone hadn’t downloaded a photo or two of my own?
Hmm that was an interesting comment.
Does this worry me? No not unduly, the nature posts I’m happy to share pictures with anyone, as for photographs of my ancestors I wouldn’t be happy but yikes for two years I’ve downloaded (borrowed pictures) so I guess what goes around comes around.
One or two readers are aware I’m not far from reaching age 50, my advice to any twentysomethings reading this post because yes young people do read my blog. My heartfelt advice is take note, middle age approaches all tooo quickly followed by half a century residence here on planet earth. It happens all tooo frigging quickly so turn off that social media pack away those video games (message to my nephews, they don’t read!) And live life to the full.
I’m here to tell you that old chestnut ‘enjoy yourself while you are young’ remains as true now as it ever did.
I’m single age -50 and still living as a single guy and yes it can break my heart. My fabulous brother who’s three years younger than myself, has never been without a girlfriend since he was age 9? Also for many years now he’s been married to a beautiful wife a homemaker who cooks crafts and sews, better still she has born him three fabulous sons, and yes she nags a little tooo much for my liking but hey she is wonderful and my brother is a very lucky guy…….
…….YES she’s a lucky woman also, they are both great catches intelligent kind and caring plus, and because J. will never read this, she’s the biggest pair of boobs you’ve ever seen but hold on, calm down before judging me!!
Btw the theme of this posts isn’t breasts!
I sense disapprovals and near audible ‘tut tutting’. J. is blessed with a wicked filthy sense of humour, she knows I like her as a sis-in-law AND I’ve witnessed her breastfeed a son on many many occasions to be totally non plussed, I understand their biological function is well life itself……phew that was close! 😀
Thankfully for some God given reasons men are able to differentiate between breasts feeding and nourishing a new born so as to keep the baby alive, and understand when it’s acceptable to appreciate breasts as sexual. Joyously a man’s brain is surprisingly intelligent enough to differentiate between the two, you understand. Que another Googled photograph (my blog post).
Oh yes relationships!
So yes I’m single age -50, and often quiz myself the question would I be happy and content living with a woman? Or bearing in mind one in three marriages end in divorce the phrase ‘Women. You cannot live with them, you cannot live without’ them springs to mind, quite often actually!
And I’m curious are periods the minefield the media and comedians would have us men believe. Do they stand in the way of a happy marriage. Is it true three days a month women are given to sudden and unaccountable changes of mood or behaviour. Yes being serious for a second I understand they can be emotional, but without wanting to appear misogynistic, at their time of the month are women unreasonable volatile inconsistent unstable or is ‘this rubbish’ and all a myth.
You won’t believe the amount of times I’ve asked myself ‘Could I live with someone?’, am I weird not to have? Yes I think so because a woman on-line once told me so and incidentally the nearest I’ve some to having a hater, but there you are 😀 I’m a big boy now and took her on the chin!
Free sex would be fabulous (joking) but I’m an intelligent guy I’ve slept with enough women, oh did I ever tell you the number’s 16) to know you cannot base a relationship built only on sex. Thankfully I could imagine little worse than having a fb ‘fuckbuddy’ for those not hip and down with the kids! I once slept with a woman and going home the next morning thought to myself ‘I would have preferred a kiss and a cuddle, perhaps shared a cup of tea after!’
Where was I single age -50. I’ve happened across these websites themed Russian Brides and I used to work with a guy whose next door neighbour travelled out to Thailand to find himself a wife. He did, brought her home with him and many years later they remain a happily married couple, but not a scenario that attracts me because I have the feeling dishonesty could exist on both sides? The guy wanting only sex, the lady after a passport or am I being disingenuous. Yes I am! The lesson I gleaned from my workmate is I understand relationships can be tricky, but however you meet your future bride it can be successful.
Do I miss not having children? Jeeze that’s a whole different post altogether!
I am so bored AND I’m in pain I hope you know! Things I do for you ladies in the name of redressing the balance. I get the sense my post Cheap ‘sexy’ Thrills wasn’t well received! I don’t know I’m an intuitive kind a guy but not receiving a single like kinda tells me I over stepped a good taste benchmark, I objectified the female figure for cheap visual gratification hmm fair point, I’d guess correctly one or two ladies are secretly seething, mutterings of “male chauvinistic pig”, so any ladies who still follow Blog Andrew so as to redress the balance I’m going to share sexy photographs of men alongside their bikes! Objectify a few male bodies for male or female viewing enjoyment. Off to bed now and did I tell you I’m in a lot of pain 😀 Andrew.
Before I begin my little tale a question for you, is the dictionary definition for the word Hooker universally understood? If not then perhaps this explanation helps, 🙂 Typically a woman who engages in sexual activity for payment.
However, before you whisper to yourself, “Jeeze, as well as watching his neighbour strip in her bedroom, he sees hookers as well? I’m finished with Andrew! 😛 “
Hold ON a minute! IMPORTANTLY THIS TALE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME VISITING HOOKERS! I bumped into one that’s all. Ok are we clear?
Midway through writing a serious response post to a French lady living in England another true tale sifted into my mind, amazing how that happens, a remark or observation in turn prompts you to recall a memory you wished to be misplaced, simply because it’s too painful to dwell on. Or maybe a regrettable event you hoped would be forgotten forever!
Other times, and always when you least expect it, a remark a thought will prompt memories of an amusing true tale that you hoped and assumed you’d remember for the rest of you life, a heart warming personal experience that would make you smile when life is so darn boring and predictable that you truly need your spirits lifted. An incident, such as this tale, pricking my imagination into gear as I relived an anecdote that both impressed my work colleagues and literally had them belly laughing!
The day I was propositioned by a hooker.
Maybe not the most earth shattering News you’ve ever read but ask yourselves have you ever had a prostitute ask you for sex? No? Well I have so the tale’s worth telling again, though rather disturbingly the hooker in question seemed to instinctively recognise a possible paying client just by looking at him. ME!!
Hmm , me thinks there’s visual qualities about myself that I’m unaware of?
However I didn’t avail myself of her services but she sure was an interesting story to tell the lads back at work later that day, and then there’s the question if I hadn’t been so naïve and slow on the uptake I may have followed her, because I’m an impulsive type of guy………….but I didn’t!
So have you ever been propositioned by a hooker? Or worse still been mistaken for one!
Several summer’s ago my employer instructed me to visit the City of London to go pick up 6 small bronze statues from a metal foundry located in ‘rich and trendy’ Chelsea, you’ll recognise the name, a home to wealthy footballers and Russian oligarchs.
A day trip in works time, paid by your employer, is known in the engineering industry as a jolly, all the more exciting because it’s simply a break from the daily grind of work with expenses and food paid for and best of all your colleagues envy you like hell. 😛
So come the morning in question I go to work as usual, I’m gifted a reasonable financial allowance, say my grinning goodbyes for the day and make for Oxford’s railway Station. Buying my ticket I board a London bound train for the hours journey into PaddingtonStation, a drab place I’ve visited many times throughout my life being as it’s the London link to the whole West of Great Britain. I’ve travelled through PaddingtonStation as far back as a small child summer holidaying with my Grandparents.
Anyways returning to my story, I join fellow commuters leaving the train carriage, again buy more tickets and make my way to the Underground tube station, I love the LondonUnderground for the sheer atmosphere and history that near seeps from the Victorian décor. Coupled with the fact in many deep bore stations you find yourself standing on platforms which, 60 years previous, would have been populated by London’s citizens sleeping in rows of bunk-beds all sheltering from falling bombs dropped by Nazi heavy bombers. Then after the ok siren had been sounded they’d climb the hundreds of steps to the surface not knowing if they have a home to go to! These citizens rebuilt a Nation! 🙂
After a change I finally exited Sloane Square tube station walking out into the bright sunlight of a late summers morning, crowded with people as Capital cities always are especially London being populated by rude impersonal and not so happy looking faces rushing to wherever they have to go, so very different to sedate Oxford with it’s tourists and University students.
So I exit the tube station by turning right onto the pavement, and walking no more than ten paces I near bumped into a young woman blocking my path! She wasn’t begging for money in fact she looked fashionably dressed, slim my height, mid length straight blonde hair wearing a baggy black leather jacket and sheer black tights (not fishnet!) Denim skirt with a hem stopping midway upon her thighs and definitely not tooo short. As for footwear I cannot honestly remember if she wore heals or below the knee boots?
No matter, the point to my description is the lady didn’t appear like your average lol street hooker, not that I’m acquainted with any mind, but I’ve seen Julie Robert’s in ‘Pretty Woman’ a God awful Movie, to comprehend what a prostitute looks like.
So I’m stopped in my tracks by this lady and remember I’m already feeling extremely disorientated, then with a smile she initiates a friendly conversation speaking with an, yes wait for it, East European accent which I’m straining to understand and I find myself answering questions with a “I’m visiting on a day trip”, “I have plenty of time”. In hindsight I now see the lady was playing a quizzing game and I can assure you in no way shape or form do I look like a policeman. 😀
Then quite bizarrely she starts throwing into our conversation quick fire questions like, “Have you money?”,
“Would you like to come with me?”, and only then with her final,
“I’ll suck!” did the ‘penny finally drop’ and I realised she was a hooker asking if I’d pay for sex!
So Andrew what did you do next? My short and sweet answer is I replied to the young lady a polite but stunned “No”, then I brushed past her and briskly went on my way. As you’d imagine I laughed thinking to myself ‘they’re going to love this story at work’ and they did!
My apologies if you’re disappointed by the ending to my tale, I guess an anti-climax (groan!!) But as I said at the beginning of this post, amusing events such as being propositioned by a hooker are worth remembering because they make you smile and often when you need one. 🙂
😀 And sitting here now I can just imagine her sighing to herself,
(This post is themed coincidences and isn’t erotic fiction. Btw not everything I write reaches Blog Andrew!)
Before I begin this true tale I have an admission, I have to be honest, I’ve known about the existence of these Google Street photos (of my home above) for quite some time, so it’s not as if I’m about to let you in on something that happened yesterday!
Only tonight as I was musing over whether to write a post about my favourite sex position namely The Cowgirl, which could even be titled The Lazy Cowgirl position, but the lady was riding me so energetically that Cowgirl it is! But then I thought writing about Sex positions seems a god awful idea for a post (just wait a week!)
Have you ever gazed at an innocuous unremarkable photograph and thought ‘there’s something more to this picture than meets the eye’, well I experience this feeling EVERY time I gaze at these Google photos of my home, right up until this evening I’d think to myself that white car is relevant to MEE! But why?
Well tonight yet again I was looking at the Google Street photos and these visions of the cowgirl sex position kept flitting across my mind, and all I can say is I’m glad I’m not married or I’d have some serious lying to do because now I know WHY!
The event in question, the Google Pics, takes place early summer 2016!
Let me explain, I’d look at my little home on Google Street time to time, use the widgets and pointers to virtually ‘drive-by’, you’ve all done it, and so strange to see my new double glazing and stone shingle front garden. However when I logged on to the app using my Tablet I couldn’t get the question out of mind,
Who on earth owns that white MINI cabriolet parked
directly outside my house?
Further still, the MINI must have some connection to myself because it’s parked half on the pavement and my estate is like a ghost Town, no one comes here! I’d look at my digital screens thinking, ‘well none of my neighbours own a MINI’, ‘no one I know is hipster enough to own a cabriolet car’, ‘so who on earth owns it?’
“OH MY GOD!” I shouted, and you may have deduced I’d worked out who the owner was and yes I knew her, she was a lady called Sophie and at the same time Google drove past my house taking photographs, Sophie and I were in bed together. Incidentally the window directly above the MINI is my front bedroom and you can’t see but curtains were drawn,
……….and God’s honest truth, as the Lord is my witness, on my collie dog Holly’s life, at about the same time as these pictures were taken, could have been the same time Sophie was sat on my hips. Yep you read that right, squeezing her tits with both hands as Sophie bounced up and down ‘on me’ like a good girl (age 30!) 🙂 I love Cowgirl sex.
Sophie and I were in bed the moment that photo was taken. For certain
How’s that for a coincidence plus I’m so pleased I’ve finally solved my puzzle! 😛 Because I know for fact whilst Sophie’s MINI was outside my house we were in bed together, and yes to answer my own question there IS a little more to these pictures than first meets the eye! Sophie was a casual lover found on the internet and the fact we’re in bed at the same time as Google drove past is pretty amazing! Amazing to me!
Important message. This afternoon I’ve been chatting with my fabulous 9 year old nephew and he tells me ‘The Emoji Move: Express Yourself’ is “absolute pants!” Incidentally Rotten Tomatoes approved tomatometer critics give this movie a 10% positive review, so lol you’ve been duly warned 😀
Oh yes my post Peeing in the shower! Where shall we begin and note there’s NO imagery this is just for fun!
I haven’t published a JFF post for a while, plus I’m feeling a little hmm , so I thought why not write something hopefully ‘entertaining’ yet at the same time make a serious point.
Now hold on before you leave me, 🙂 I know I’m prone to writing ‘unusually themed’ posts, an understatement if ever there was one, but believe me or not ‘Peeing in the shower’ is a serious topic for discussion amongst politicians and public health officials across many Countries, especially if they have water shortage problems.
So with water conservation in mind I thought why not discuss, try and convince you, plus share a few photographs of men taking showers I found along the way, makes a welcome change from seeing naked women. 🙂
Recently Susie Dent (I’ll explain who she is further down) was approached by her employers ‘Channel 4 television’ to research and narrate a series of videos for YouTube, incidentally a website you’ll find me when I’m not hanging around WordPress, the TV company asked Susie to make several videos tracing the origins of what’s commonly referred to as English swear words.
Now before you leave me, I agree the words C**T S**T and F**K shouldn’t be used in everyday conversation! However remember you’ll find each word, also their countless meanings usage and definitions in the English dictionary so they are as relevant as any other in the English Language, and in the case of the highly taboo C**T this swear word can be traced back many hundreds of years.
So yes I’d agree with you if you said swearing is awful uncouth and lazy, but as someone who regularly uses the F bomb I quite enjoyed watching the linked videos narrated and produced by the gorgeous and very VERY sexy Susie Dent.
Btw doesn’t she have a fabulous voice!
So who is Susie Dent I hear you ask?
Here in the UK we have a very popular daytime quiz show called ‘Countdown’, but don’t worry about the show, enough to say the game revolves around choosing unknown consonants and vowels so as to make up a dictionary word, the longer the word you come up with the more points you win! Btw I don’t watch television! Awful invention!
Returning to my original question, Susie Dent is an English lexicographer and etymologist and resident expert in Countdown’s ‘Dictionary Corner’, incidentally until this evening I didn’t know what an etymologist did for a living, which is a pretty disgraceful admittance for anyone who likes to call themselves a blogger!!!
Etymologistdef. – studies the history of words, their origins, and how their form and meaning have changed over time.
You may be aware I’m a little obsessed with women on Blog Andrew, the majority of my posts seem to derive from observing the fair sex and her femininity ……….oh and not forgetting my sex life! Perhaps it’s because I’m single that I find women so captivating and fascinating creatures, yet they confuse and mystify me in equal measures? So if any reader wondered who Andrew’s ideal woman is, I know you don’t but humour me, Susie Dent is the lady who quickens my pulse and makes ‘me hard and my bits tingle’.
Now I’ll refrain from being over familiar and coarse in this JFF post except to say in my humble opinion intelligence is an appealing and very sexy quality in a woman and Susie has sex appeal in abundance!
I digress, where was I? Oh yes Ms. Dent, if you stopped a man in the street and asked him to describe Susie Dent they’d probably say Countdown first and ‘thinking man’s crumpet’ second, and for all you bloggers who reside outside the UK the word ‘crumpet’ refers to ‘a sexually attractive lady!’
Thinking man’s crumpet def. – a humorous term for a person who is popular with the opposite sex because of their intelligence and their physical attractiveness.
…….. and now the very English swear word B****Y!
………and now for Susie Dent’s ‘The Real Origins of C**T!
(18/07/2017 – I first published my June sightseeing trip to London tale several days ago, however I linked an EXTREMELY tacky YouTube video to accompany that post, call it one of those ‘seemed a good idea at the time’ ideas but in hindsight ‘that’ video and intro was neither tasteful amusing or in the slightest bit relevant to my tale, not to worry I can put that right…….!)
Britain has recently experienced it’s hottest June for 40 years, and bang in the middle of a record hot week I took the coach to Central London hoping to do a little sightseeing of my own, I hadn’t visited for several years anyways the day turned out to be a 36 degree body sweltering furnace and the sightseeing was gorgeous………..don’t get me wrong mind we’ve been waiting…. always waiting for sunny days like these.
Blue skies accompany a burning hot sun (I had to buy suntan lotion for the first time in years), searing heat like I’ve never experienced rising up from pavement stone and if you’ve read my Blog before you may have guessed this post could well be one of my sexy stories, all good fun and you’d be right! So without further ado I’ll let you into a little secret, when temperatures rise in the United Kingdom so the English public change into their summer dress ESPECIALLY the ladies, actually if mind serves me right it’s written into legislation!!!
The reason why is simple to explain, there’s both the novelty summer’s finally arrived and we know for sure it won’t last long consequently British women throw all modesty and caution to the wind, you’ve heard the phrase stir-crazy well I’ve coined days like these as sun-crazy, dress hems get shorter, bras are discarded, tee shirts tighter and bustier and for a brief couple of days a year I don’t recognise the Country I’m living in. ❤
Lol you want an example? ………..Ok if I’m pushed, there I am waiting to buy a ticket at London Embankment Underground station, packed with commuters jostling for escalators important places to go and as you do I join a queue of people waiting to buy a train ticket, then my eyes clock a young lady with long blonde hair wearing a dairy cream coloured skirt white crotchet top and no bra!……………, Hmm all very observant of you Andrew!
So I’m watching this attractive young lady purchasing her Oyster Card ticket, arm raised above her head pressing coins down a slot and what do I see below her armpit? A gaping looping hole in her top that’s what I see! A wardrobe malfunction revealing her perky pink boob with nipple, common I couldn’t make this sh*t up and even MORE bizarre standing behind her is a policeman wearing a Kevlar chest guard wielding his machine gun.
Then I followed her NO!!!! …………. Bless her, she’s only young once and looked fabulous!
Now jump forward two hours and I’m wandering through Hyde Park making my way towards Buckingham Palace and my ‘attention’s’ drawn to a group of young women sunbathing in bikinis, Central London for heavens sake! 😀 , later still I buy a refreshing ice lolly (£2.75 ffs) and three young women hip sway past me wearing the tightest of tops no bras and nipples like Scammell wheel nuts, there are micro-skirts hot-pants crop-tops and bare legs as far as the eye can see…………………..a great day to be alive perhaps not so great for Andrew’s blood pressure
……then guess what two days later heavy black clouds roll in, temperatures drop by 15 degrees and we return to conservatively dressed British normality as if nothing ever happened. Funny old World!
Disclaimer. 🙂 These are the private musings of a middle aged Englishman, me Andrew, also note this Post contains NO nudity, call it my final ‘Just For Fun’ Post. (Maybe 😀 ) and please remember I have a good heart and mean no disrespect.
Two reasons for writing this evening, my Followers already understand I’m slightly obsessed with boobs well least I’m honest! Jo knows I’m currently single at present and I miss squeezing a breast :D, the second reason is I enjoy Cosmic Colette’s YouTube stream and she was kind enough reply to my Comment, even laughed, truth be known hardly any YouTuber’s reply to video comments, why? Btw I have asked permission and she is fine with my Post.
Colette’s YouTube(link left) is themed fun entertainment travelling veganism body image bullying relationships mental health and much much more 🙂
I thought I’d write something a little more light hearted today after my rather sombre and serious previous 10 Downing Street posts, truth be known politics is a dirty business and I’m glad not to be a part of it…………………… then again ‘big sigh’ we are all intrinsic to politics 😦
Breasts and bras!
I’ve had the question ‘Why do women wear bras’ playing on my mind this past few days, such a weird contraption dreamt up by a bridge engineer (a man) in ‘ye olde’ Victorian England, so the story goes, mind you the design resembles a suspension bridge, seems logical or maybe “fake news?”
A woman I uhmm used to be ‘friends’ with likened wearing a bra similar to ‘unprintable’, the soreness from underwire’s were truly horrendous, she was one of those girls who’d unclip her bra, give a huge sigh of relief and say “thank God that’s off! Now I can breath!”
I don’t think the video maker Cosmic Colette would mind me sharing her YouTube video, hell I might even tell her I’m sharing her “I haven’t worn a bra in one year!” video because I enjoyed watching and seeing as I’ve commented below her videos before……
So what did you think to her video? She’s lovely (attached 😦 ) and I’ll be honest and agree I can’t understand why women wear bras, they look SO much better without one, in fact Colette’s views and opinions seem pretty compelling reasons why not to wear one!
……. and if you’re saying to yourself ‘so tell me Andrew why an earth are you so interested in bras all of a sudden?’, well think back to my post Helen’s Striptease, the moment where my middle aged neighbour Helen unclipped her bra, well the seed of a post was born there and then……….. plus I’ve gotten nothing better to do this afternoon and boobs are fabulous!
Incidentally I don’t wish to offend anyone and because I’m a perfect gentleman I’m attempting to be both serious and sensitive at the same time and certainly don’t wish to come across as condescending, call this hopefully fun and amusing.
After watching the fascinating video where the lady gives her personal reasons for going braless I decided to do a little research of my own (science fan me) and where do you go if you want to find out a fact or two? Why the internet of course, dig deep enough and it’s surprising what you might learn!!
I Googled ‘reasons not to wear a bra’ this evening and happened across research conducted at a French University, turns out a sports Doctor named Jean-Denis Rouillon spent fifteen years studying the effect bras had on 330 women aged 18-35 then came to the earth shattering conclusion bras are useless!! A bold statement if ever there was one and as you can imagine he created one hell of a worldwide Sh**storm media frenzy!
Fifteen years is a long time to research bras and their effects on boobs, a study which concentrated on understanding ladies yearly breast changes when a bra is worn regularly against never worn and his preliminary results suggested, contrary to popular belief, when a young girl wears a bra from an early age, the bra doesn’t support the chest or reduce back pain or prevent breast sagging, in-fact ‘medically, physiologically and anatomically’ breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity………… the Professor went on to say when interviewed by French media “supported breasts get saggier over time”.
Here’s a useless piece of information for you, many years ago a lady by the name of Rachel (blonde attractive and age 25) and myself were undressing in her bedroom, a casual relationship, well without being indiscreet she was a ‘big girl’ and there we were sitting on her bed together and cometh the time she reaches around her back unclipping the strap of a rather large bra holding rather large boobs, and at the same moment her underwear garment was removed her boobs dropped ‘a mile’, that was a shock and a half I can tell you…. but don’t worry I’m NOT being disrespectful or abusive, both Rachel and her boobs looked absolutely stunning, so very feminine and sucking saggy empty boobs is wonderful……. just thought you’d be interested to know!
Where was I?
Returning to that French sports Doctor. According to his research, young women’s breasts were firmer, ligaments stronger, more toned due to extra breast tissue all because they never wore bras, and better news was to come, women who did NOT wear a bra experienced a 7 millimetre (that’s 0.3-inch) lift in their nipples compared with the women who wore bras……… pretty compelling research and now you’re wondering as to the reasons why?
Well according to the Doctor, he claimed bras have a way of slowing down blood circulation, which therefore reduced breast tone over time so the reasons are as simple as that! Some time after a British Doctor confirmed the research stating:
“For younger women, not wearing a bra will lead to increased collagen production and elasticity, which improves lift in a developing breast.”
Hmm, I’m wondering whether the more mature woman, who’d worn a bra all her life, could suddenly burn her bra and get away with it? Then again do having children rubbish all his data?
One note of caution, the research team did add an important caveat stating women in the French study were not a representative of the population as a whole, which seems right and fair, mind you interesting research all the same!
perhaps the more mature woman should keep her bra on!
To add further weight to the no bra argument if you write ‘why I went braless’ into YouTube’s search engine Google will ‘so I’m told’ display hundreds of videos made by hundreds of women sharing their no bra life stories similar to Collette’s…………. what was life like before YouTube?
So ladies if you’re brave enough comment as to why you wear a bra? Support? Modesty? Attracting men or women or teenage (16+) girls or boys.
Referring to the photo opposite, in my humble opinion going braless can be classy tasteful and yes elegant. I live in the University City of Oxford, a City of ‘year on year’ eternal youth, and every day I’ll see female ladies and students go braless fine by me. However I guess for any of you ladies with exposure on the mind I’d agree with you braless, for obvious reasons, does attract a little more attention, but having said that if more women threw their bras in the bin then both men and women from my parent’s generation might say “what’s all the fuss about?”
So you are maybe asking “what conclusions have you drawn Andrew?” 🙂 None at all except ladies be yourselves, if you like to wear bras ‘wear’, if you prefer not to wear bras ‘don’t’, it’s all good to me………….. but I prefer the ‘don’t wear’ simply because a lady’s natural profile is more feminine flattering and beautiful.
Please comment? Hmm should I stop these ‘amusing’ types of posts and please remember I have a good heart and mean no disrespect 🙂
(Thank you to the 4 ladies for commenting yesterday 🙂 However I decided to delete the/your replies basically because I wouldn’t want someone to read this ‘amusing post’ with very adult themes then forward to your blog, the internet being the internet and all that, my choice, perhaps you have second thoughts also? Like I said your comments were 🙂 appreciated (very) and useful as regards twitterand facebook and Instagram…….. anyways you get the idea. If a post is good enough (haha whatever that means), entertaining enough then people will like, the post was just for fun anyway. TY
😮 🙂 😀 😦 😉 (awesome for a sex blogger) 😛 XD 😡 😕 😳 🙄 😎 ❤
Btw aren’t Emojis the best invention EVER! Seriously, they’re awesome add one yellow smilie to a sentence and it sets your emotions alight, and the iPhone Emojis are even MORE FABULOUS!!! Did you know they’re the product of texting in olden days when a phone message had so few characters users resorted to LMAO LMFAO……….
But I hate LOL, why? Is anyone actually Laughing Out Loud? My niece say lol within a spoken sentence, strange but adorable. Andrew)
I’m always curious as to why a blog falls silent, not because I’m nosey I’m just curious, have they gone ghost or finished forever? Especially interested if I’ve enjoyed Following. I’ve been on WP 2 years now, 2 years is a long time but I do lack inspiration which is fine, perhaps I ask to much of a simple free website? (I do) I may take a break. Anyways thank you for each view like and comment, you made me so happy.
If you didn’t consider my ‘writing‘ varied eclectic and haphazardly ‘all over the place’ before this Post then you haven’t read this one yet.
A blogging observation which really did catch me unawares, an age thing, and I’m surprised it’s taken SO long for the ‘penny to drop’ when WordPress gives us the sharing tools …………. yes I speak of clicking those tiny icons which send you to Twitter and Facebook! Duh so obvious.
‘WordPress is pants as regards social interaction (if you’re not very good), you have to be on Twitter!’
I didn’t write that btw, they’re not my words, whoever did goes top of the class and at the same time proving I’m slow on the pick up, social media adds an extra dimension to WP.
If I decide to take a break I’ll continue to scroll my Reader, my imagination requires it’s daily fix of amusement and intellectual stimulation to ever walk away, I watch little TV the internet is far more fun. Here’s a thought, whoever coined the phrase ‘self abuse’ as an alternative description and deranged idea masturbating is bad for you? Must have been those two faced Victorians who’s values Margaret Thatcher said we should return back to. B#ll sh#t what values? The ones that branded Charles Dickens a criminal, placed him in debtors prison just because he found himself on hard times, thank God for a Welfare State.
Time for adult themes, (there has to be with me, some like and they’re fun to make), as always if at least one person enjoys then I’m truly happy 🙂 )
Def masturbation– Stimulation of the genitals with the hand for sexual pleasure
“There are two kinds of people in the world, those who masturbate and those who lie!”
Wanking! An unusual habit all those tingly sensations and waves of pleasure, I’m immature lol, playing with oneself does fascinate me, always has done, all aspects and God knows why it’s scorned upon? There’s loads of medical benefits and more.
I read that ‘2 kinds of….’ gem in a borrowed copy of GQ Magazine and for some reason it’s one of those useless pieces of information that attaches itself to a brain synapse or whatever and will never shift or disappear………… I probably have all my neurological brain biology mixed up but you get the idea.
Humour me, sex amuses the child in me.
Like I said I won’t write a Post, yes playing with oneself is incredibly pleasurable but more importantly clinicians and psychiatrists say masturbation is good for ones general health and mental well being, that idea fascinates me, you know all those pleasure giving chemicals serotonin and dopamine being released from the brain making me high, so powerful they produce orgasmic sensations men spend the rest of their lives trying to recapture. Being serious for a moment, did you know masturbating flushes the prostate gland of stale semen (think about that astounding fact for a second, could fresh semen give you prettier more intelligent babies?
Men have to Wank daily, how else do they rid themselves of aging tadpoles, hey? AND we’re knowledgably informed ‘unused’ ‘past the sell date cum’ could be linked to prostate cancer, not forgetting ‘playing’ is the safest form of sex, no STD’s. In women masturbation can help prevent cervical infections and urinary tract infections through the process of “tenting,” or the opening of the cervix that occurs as part of the arousal process. (Googled)
So there you are, healthy for mind and good for the soul, and doesn’t send you blind 😀 . Here’s a tale, I once knew a lady who said when she was a small girl, her mother would smell her fingers and ‘tap’ the back of her hand. True, no violence or malice, just disapproving AND that lady wasn’t scarred for life, she thought it very funny.
Improved Health and Mental wellbeing, safe sex and pleasurable, seriously why do certain Christian Preachers teach children masturbation is wrong? Madness!
Serious subject pleasuring oneself, there’s a whole Series there, NO.
ENOUGH!!! (I honestly hope I’ve never offended anyone)
Are you bored yet?
Enough silliness, but masturbation thoughts are most welcome!
You’ve twisted my arm, I’ll tell you a true tale. Quite a few years ago I was on holiday sitting on a sandy beach in the Greek Islands, staring out across the Mediterranean Sea, a low Autumn sun shining above the horizon and practically all by myself. Short story short, my Brother and I had words, he went for a scooter ride to cool off and I sat cross legged wondering what an earth I’d done wrong?
Siblings can be together for just so long.
Then all a sudden a young lady woke me from the day dream by throwing her towel on to the sand a few metres away, quite startled me in fact, and no word of a lie I glanced up and down the beach and I can still visualize now, the lady was on her own the beach was empty and this beautiful young blonde was rolling out her large towel a few metres from me……..WTF? She never said a word, never looked at me, didn’t seem aware I existed, invisible I was! Why so near me when the beach was empty?
(Remember I’m always honest, 🙂 )
At the time and all these years later all I can assume is this single young lady, late twenties, felt more comfortable sitting close to another tourist rather than on her own, and just enough distance to make plain we weren’t an item, safety in numbers have you will! That’s the best I can come up with she wasn’t picking me up, she fancied a day on the beach but didn’t want to be all on her own. Any problem and I could have saved her. Seriously.
So she sits down on the towel also looking out to sea, rummages through her bag, takes out a bottle of suntan lotion, places it beside her then starts to undress! Frigging incredible! And still she doesn’t glance my direction or utter a word, so strange. Cotton dress unbuttoned, that’s tossed away and unbelievably sat only metres away is a slim beautiful twenty something blonde lady wearing a skimpy two piece red bikini! Then she begins to smooth suntan lotion onto her arms and legs.
Ten minutes ago I’m having an argument with my brother, five minutes ago I’m daydreaming looking out to sea, NOW this bikini clad lady lies back on her bath towel, closes her eyes, and there we both are two strangers on an empty beach, silent still and enjoying the warm late autumn sun!
Note these are the days before iPhones mp3 and earbuds, with nothing to occupy her mind I guess she lay day dreaming and my dick became hard and long, my heart was racing my breath quickening, and you’ve guessed I was excited. Amazing how one loses inhibitions when aroused, you take risks, brain chemicals and sex drive blur sane judgement. So what did you do next Andrew? I did what every sexually excited male would do, I silently drew my knees forward grabbed a towel to cover my waist and thighs then as quiet as I could wiggled my bottom and pull my shorts and pants down.
And all the while she lay serenely relaxed eyes closed, not a care in the world, oblivious to this panting English Tourist sat metres away one hand under towel, holding his dick masturbating himself IMPORTANTLY all the while staring at her gorgeous near naked body,only red bra and briefs for modesty.
Still to this day I close my eyes and see this gorgeous young blonde babe as if by photograph, all I can think now is surely I can’t have been THAT silent! You know breathless gulping and panting, well after a minute or so, yep that quick I came hard onto the sand between my legs, surely she heard me climax? Nope at no point did she turn and look or open her eyes, 😀 what if she had, clocked a tourist knocking one off staring at her breasts…………….could have been an interesting scene if my brother had come back.
I was spent and satisfied but can’t for the life remember what happened next, not a clue, I’d guess she went her way and I went mine, ok not a riveting story but unusual. Note I do realise these days a wanking man would be arrested and get 5 years for gross indecency, quite right to, doing disgusting acts like that in full view of watching women is sexual assault, and knowingly sadistic! Yes. BUT I still consider ‘mine’ was all very innocent (first and last), if she’d looked she may have guessed and at worst she’d have kicked sand in my face! 😀
So have you ever masturbated outdoors? (As if anyone would answer 😀 )
Facebook Twitter Instagram and your WordPress
Quickly returning to Social Media, first off for no apparent reason I’d like to make clear I’m NOT on FB and don’t do Twitter! At my age you must be joking, never have and never will, truthfully speaking I can’t help musing there’s something a little creepy about grown men having a facebook account, boys yes, men no, there you are just an opinion. Don’t get me wrong social media is a great idea but the revolution’s passed me by…….mind you Twitter’s good if you’re famous, start a petition to get Stephen Fry back I say, my sister in law is on FB, helps her unwind of an evening after the kids go to bed.
Oh yes where was I, thoughts of social media. For several weeks now I’ve become increasingly aware the majority of bloggers I Follow link their WordPress to Instagram Facebook and Twitter accounts and this has me asking myself why do I have a WordPress? The lack of social interaction here does make me unhappy. I need to get out more, I’m a stranger to you 🙂 I need a lay!
Don’t judge me yet, I’m so pleased when ladies reply and say Hi when I comment, an erotic poetess says my comments always make her smile, she says I have a funny turn of phrase and it’s such a pleasure others appreciate my honesty. One woman even wrote me a profile for an internet dating website, lots of encouragement and tips, she said stay clear of bs and you’ll do well, but 😦 of course I never did…………… she’d have been disappointed after doing all that for me. Oh well.
So Bloggers post then Tweet their friends with the link. Common sense! A true community of friends interacting, would be nice but no that’s for the ‘kids’ and mums/moms……… like I said I don’t, I publish and well I’m depressing myself now 😦
So are there any conclusions to be made here, no, lol you decide and please don’t ever take my posts tooo seriously, people seem to Like me
I’m WELL aware I sound ungrateful 😦 , I’m NOT , NO, I’ve met so many wonderful people from across the Globe and yes some have become ‘internet friends’, (strangers still) and who recognise my rather unusual truthful honest way of expressing myself, and I’m extremely pleased to have yes lol interacted with you and your blog writing 🙂 I hope no ones been offended by my silly little Posts or my honest comments.
Incidentally my stats say someone in China has been viewing my blog 🙂 I’m so curious which post they looked at? Housing estate Walnut Tree? Autumn Leaves photo? Downton Abbey? My balls in briefs? Oxford’s ‘Gropecunt Lane? My mum’s collie?
I’ll still Follow.
That’s enough now, amazing where a couple of hours and a meandering stream of consciousness takes me.
Continued………………… (Please don’t confuse my 2 tales, remember the lady I met last Wednesday, we DIDN’T have sex at a bus stop! That’s another story)
‘……sex, fun, laughter and cuddles over we went our separate ways, after all the evening was only ever ‘one night sex’, yes I know I’d said I like to meet her again but I doubt it, NO!…………… 😀 ….I desperately want to tell all but I promised myself earlier best to be discreet and not kiss and tell, so nothing of our evening and quite right tooo even though I enjoy writing about sex, best left, enough said! So after a lovely evening together I let myself out of her electronically controlled front door into a freezing pitch black late December evening, and yes Oxford was more than a little cold last Wednesday with a dusting of white powdered frost adhered to car windscreens. After a couple of minutes walking alongside a busy main road I made out the figure of someone small standing at a bus stop ahead, I have epilepsy and don’t drive so public transport being very good in Oxford, whichever direction I walked tonight I knew I’d come across one soon enough, then jump aboard a bus that’ll take me into town.
As I approached the bus stop lit only by a street lamp illuminating a dull orange glow onto the figure beneath, with every step forward the person became clearer, so much so by the time I reached the stop I could see she was in fact, yes a lady! Aged 40’ish with an attractive face, dark hair and Oxford being so multicultural these days I just knew she wasn’t English. Her appearance apart I also realised she was wearing a rather worried expression across her face and I think I understood why, several months ago, only 200 metres from this point a girl had been abducted and raped, so seeing her standing alone still surprises me even now because ever since the rape police have instructed women not to walk the streets alone at night, err maybe that’s why she was so nervous and visibly apprehensive. Thinking about it witnessing me approaching out of the gloom then stopping right in front of her must have been lol chilling, rapist or not I could have robbed verbally abused or assaulted her…………you should read the Oxford Mail, a lot’s been happening recently.
Writing here and now I’m unsure who struck up our conversation first, no idea and it doesn’t really matter or does it? Anyway acquaintances made for the next 15 minutes or so we made small talk, chatted about those inconsequential silly things in life that strangers talk about, you know how cold we were, the costs of living in Oxford, infrequent buses not running to schedule, ‘silly old me’ stories always so adorable……….. and as time ticked by she visibly relaxed, even smiling with occasional laughter. And we learnt a little more about each other such as she had a hard evening’s work ahead of her, apparently after taking a bus into town she then had to take a bus out again to one of the surrounding villages for what I can gather was her cleaning job, hard work and yes I was correct she wasn’t English, that’s fine by me btw, and at a guess I would say she was Spanish, I’m probably way off but she was of Mediterranean descent.
So there we were making small talk having a right ole jolly time, she’s friendly and personable and I’m being my usual polite self smiling and chatty. We’re told within three minutes we can judge whether we like someone or not and well I’m an open book, what you see is what you get, so know doubt by now she’d have worked out I’m a pleasant good natured guy and definitely never a threat, further still if someone nasty had approached I would have looked out for her.
After 15 minutes getting to know each other the bus comes into view stopping alongside us, surprising to me whilst boarding the bus she’s still chatting, then she pays seating herself several rows into the bus, I show my pass, follow and involuntarily as I always do, walk right past her sitting further at the rear. Yep I pass her by, happens all the time, nothing there you might think and you’re probably correct, always Correct! But on this occasion as the bus pulled away a feeling of dread flooded over me, should I have sat down next to her and carried on chatting? I think I should have, this evenings circumstances seemed a little different yet true to form, quite unwittingly I’d sat somewhere else, I hadn’t taken the chance to be well just sociable! What am I supposed to do now? Nervous is my character and I hadn’t meant anything by walking by…….. but too late now, f#ck, my indifference must have appeared rudeness. Yep I left her in peace our brief human interaction at an end, which after all ha been little more than relaxed social banter, and no doubt she’s happy and relieved not to be standing alone in the dark next to a road busy with cars driving past. ‘Yes’ I say to myself, she’s probably not given me a second thought sitting behind her. OR should I have taken the risk of overstaying my welcome by moving and sitting next to her? Bothering her have you will, annoying her, misreading an earlier human interaction as a brief encounter we all enjoy every single day and repeated thousands of times a day.
I should’ve sat next to her!!!!
Now please understand what I’m about to say next is intended as tongue in cheek, not at all to be taken seriously, but I ask what if she was the one? What if this friendly Spanish lady who’d enjoyed our safe convivial conversation moments earlier had been the ONE for me? What if she was sitting there a front of me hoping I’d sat alongside her continuing to chat where she’d left off, or perhaps she’d instantly forgotten me occupying her thoughts with the hard evening’s work ahead perhaps money to earn for her children’s Christmas presents? But of course I’ll never know will I, I never sat next to her, in order to find out what happens next in our lives we have to take emotional rational risks or you end up single middle aged lonely and living on your own………like me! I know lol sad in so many ways, I should have warned you but as I said I wasn’t going to write this post.
So all these evenings later let’s just put our warmth and friendliness down to Wednesday’s circumstances or whatever, as for saying maybe she was the one, think of that silly statement as all tongue in cheek. However true life brief encounters do happen and sometimes they do end in love, silly talk I know but if there is a moral to this tale then it must be “seize the day!”
Ok I know having thoughts dilemmas and questions such as these could drive a man insane, so just understand I’m an extremely sensible guy, all day everyday I talk with women, married or female students and I never confuse friendliness for romance, after all crossing paths or working with the fair sex is well life itself! I’m a chatty small talk sort of guy, whether the woman sat at a supermarket checkout or the young lady sat next to me on a train who shared her sweets on our journey to Leeds, (and note I wasn’t giving sweets to unknown women got make that clear lol these days!) Where was I , oh yes thoughts of interacting with women, happens all the time without thoughts of love ever entering my mind, but tonight this Spanish lady seemed, well a little different.
Perhaps her humour friendliness smiles and willingness to talk was shear relief! Perhaps she’d been frightened to death seeing me approach out of the gloom then breathed an almighty sigh of relief on seeing I was a nice guy, unthreatening and friendly her knowing Oxford is now such a dangerous City. But f#ck what if she’d hoped I’d sat down next to her, chatted for a few minutes longer, you never know this pleasant middle aged man may have made an impression on her by the time we’d reached our final destination? The trouble with me is I’m a hopeless romantic perhaps I’ve seen the movie ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ one tooo many times.
I know I know introspective thoughts like these are pointless and questions of ‘what might have been’ could like I said drive a man insane, but perhaps tonight has been a wake up call, a good lesson……….. hmmm me thinks it’s time I should take a walk in the fresh air!
…………….finally you may be wondering, ‘Andrew the lady you had sex with earlier, is she not your soul mate?’ Good question which deserves a non flippant answer……… I’d like to tell more but some things are better left unsaid except to say we should never confuse sex with being in love, to the point perhaps you shouldn’t have sex with someone unless you truly love them and vice versa….best I can do I’m afraid.’
Written last night, all very embarrassing 🙂 Andrew
Thank you to Ash for sharing the love also the shout out, here are my answers to The Winter Wonderland Tag created by Trisha Malone, quite an entertaining series of questions to while away an hour 🙂
A trivia fact for you all, did you know list posts are one of the most popular themes on WordPress? Apparently so, people love reading list posts, creating their own and enjoy sharing answers to questions.
All a bit of fun, here are my answers.
1. Do you like the cold?
2. Favourite part of winter.
Hmm that’s a difficult one, happiness is a personal choice, easy as that!
3. Does it snow where you live?
Yes, I live in a country (UK) which experiences 4 completely defined seasons.
Winter’s are very cold and guaranteed snowy weather, I’ll take pictures.
Spring is milder often wet with broken sunshine.
Summers can be very hot, this year I even saw a lady doing her Supermarket shopping wearing a bikini top!!
Autumns are a mixture of the above, take your pick…but no bikinis!
4. Favourite clothing item during winter?
Hat gloves and scarf, I enjoy winter walks in the countryside but I can’t stand the cold.
5. Favourite winter memory?
Family Christmas’s of years gone by, the years pass and faces change in photographs taken around the dinner table, they used to be of my little brother and our Grandparents, now my brother’s not so little with two fine sons and mum and dad are the Grandparents………….life’s family cycle continues.
6. Favourite hot drink?
A cup of tea, whether summer or winter the British love their cups of tea, in fact we’re addicted.
7. Best winter book to read curled up in a blanket. (This is my favourite question)
Without question ‘A Christmas Carol’ by Charles Dickens, and I read his short ‘Ghost Story’ written in 3 Staves every Christmas without fail. Forget all those TV and Film adaptations, especially The Muppet one!!!!! Charles novel is a truly wonderful story which I heartily recommend and darker than you’d imagine, it’ll take but hours.
8. Best winter movie to watch?
Frank Capra’s ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’, I watch on my own out of sheer embarrassment simply because I can guarantee by the end I will be in floods of tears….and I’m not joking!
9. Do you do any winter sports?
Pub games, does that count?
10. Favourite Christmas/Holiday/New year tradition?