Cheap ‘sexy’ Thrills 2

I am so bored AND I’m in pain I hope you know! Things I do for you ladies in the name of redressing the balance. I get the sense my post Cheap ‘sexy’ Thrills wasn’t well received! I don’t know I’m an intuitive kind a guy but not receiving a single like kinda tells me I over stepped a good taste benchmark, I objectified the female figure for cheap visual gratification hmm :/ fair point, I’d guess correctly one or two ladies are secretly seething, mutterings of “male chauvinistic pig”, so any ladies who still follow Blog Andrew so as to redress the balance I’m going to share sexy photographs of men alongside their bikes! Objectify a few male bodies for male or female viewing enjoyment. Off to bed now and did I tell you I’m in a lot of pain 😀 Andrew.

Goodnight. 🙂

 

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OMG I’M CUMMING (a response for………)

Original and © Andrew 

JFF and certainly not to be taken tooo literally or heaven forbid seriously……………….. note there’s no hate no nudity (well a little) no pornography and as I’ve written before 🙂 in the unlikely event you’re under 16 why not go and play a computer game, it’ll be more fun than reading this (hopefully entertaining) silliness!

If you’d like to understand how and why this very bizarre post came about ‘click here’, in my opinion a read should help explain all in less than three minutes, then again after reading you may say wtf and not bother coming back 😀 ………………… are you back? Hope so!

I’ll refrain from cross referencing belle’s post and reply to her questions instead, I’ll tell you my own masturbation story in my own words and in my opinion her’s is far better than mine anyway…………..Jeez takes me an age to begin!news1-1

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Susie Dent’s video guide to swearing…….

A light hearted post for lovers of the English spoken word © Andrew

Recently Susie Dent (I’ll explain who she is further down) was approached by her employers ‘Channel 4 television’ to research and narrate a series of videos for YouTube, incidentally a website you’ll find me when I’m not hanging around WordPress, the TV company asked Susie to make several videos tracing the origins of what’s commonly referred to as English swear words.

Now before you leave me, I agree the words C**T S**T and F**K shouldn’t be used in everyday conversation! However remember you’ll find each word, also their countless meanings usage and definitions in the English dictionary so they are as relevant as any other in the English Language, and in the case of the highly taboo C**T this swear word can be traced back many hundreds of years.

So yes I’d agree with you if you said swearing is awful uncouth and lazy, but as someone who regularly uses the F bomb I quite enjoyed watching the linked videos narrated and produced by the gorgeous and very VERY sexy Susie Dent.

Btw doesn’t she have a fabulous voice!

So who is Susie Dent I hear you ask?

Here in the UK we have a very popular daytime quiz show called ‘Countdown’, but don’t worry about the show, enough to say the game revolves around choosing unknown consonants and vowels so as to make up a dictionary word, the longer the word you come up with the more points you win! Btw I don’t watch television! Awful invention!

Returning to my original question, Susie Dent is an English lexicographer and etymologist and resident expert in Countdown’s ‘Dictionary Corner’, incidentally until this evening I didn’t know what an etymologist did for a living, which is a pretty disgraceful admittance for anyone who likes to call themselves a blogger!!!

Etymologist def. – studies the history of words, their origins, and how their form and meaning have changed over time.

You may be aware I’m a little obsessed with women on Blog Andrew, the majority of my posts seem to derive from observing the fair sex and her femininity ……….oh and not forgetting my sex life! Perhaps it’s because I’m single that I find women so captivating and fascinating creatures, :/ yet they confuse and mystify me in equal measures? So if any reader wondered who Andrew’s ideal woman is, I know you don’t but humour me, Susie Dent is the lady who quickens my pulse and makes ‘me hard and my bits tingle’.

Now I’ll refrain from being over familiar and coarse in this JFF post except to say in my humble opinion intelligence is an appealing and very sexy quality in a woman and Susie has sex appeal in abundance! 

I digress, where was I? Oh yes Ms. Dent, if you stopped a man in the street and asked him to describe Susie Dent they’d probably say Countdown first and ‘thinking man’s crumpet’ second, and for all you bloggers who reside outside the UK the word ‘crumpet’ refers to ‘a sexually attractive lady!’

Thinking man’s crumpet def. –  a humorous term for a person who is popular with the opposite sex because of their intelligence and their physical attractiveness.

Countdown
COUNTDOWN – Susie Dent
Countdown
COUNTDOWN – Susie Dent

…….. and now the very English swear word B****Y!

………and now for Susie Dent’s ‘The Real Origins of C**T!

Andrew 🙂

I have absolutely no idea why women wear bras?

Disclaimer. 🙂 These are the private musings of a middle aged Englishman, me Andrew, also note this Post contains NO nudity, call it my final ‘Just For Fun’ Post. (Maybe 😀 ) and please remember I have a good heart and mean no disrespect.

Two reasons for writing this evening, my Followers already understand I’m slightly obsessed with boobs well least I’m honest! Jo knows I’m currently single at present and I miss squeezing a breast :D, the second reason is I enjoy Cosmic Colette’s YouTube stream and she was kind enough reply to my Comment, even laughed, truth be known hardly any YouTuber’s reply to video comments, why? Btw I have asked permission and she is fine with my Post.

Colette’s YouTube (link left) is themed fun entertainment travelling veganism body image bullying relationships mental health and much much more 🙂

My YouTube is andschannll

I thought I’d write something a little more light hearted today after my rather sombre and serious previous 10 Downing Street posts, truth be known politics is a dirty business and I’m glad not to be a part of it…………………… then again ‘big sigh’ we are all intrinsic to politics 😩

Enough politics!

Breasts and bras!

I’ve had the question ‘Why do women wear bras’ playing on my mind this past few days, such a weird contraption dreamt up by a bridge engineer (a man) in ‘ye olde’ Victorian England, so the story goes, mind you the design resembles a suspension bridge, seems logical or maybe “fake news?”

A woman I uhmm used to be ‘friends’ with likened wearing a bra similar to ‘unprintable’, the soreness from underwire’s were truly horrendous, she was one of those girls who’d unclip her bra, give a huge sigh of relief and say “thank God that’s off! Now I can breath!” 

I don’t think the video maker Cosmic Colette would mind me sharing her YouTube video, hell I might even tell her I’m sharing her “I haven’t worn a bra in one year!” video because I enjoyed watching and seeing as I’ve commented below her videos before……

So what did you think to her video? She’s lovely (attached 😩 ) and I’ll be honest and agree I can’t understand why women wear bras, they look SO much better without one, in fact Colette’s views and opinions seem pretty compelling reasons why not to wear one!

……. and if you’re saying to yourself ‘so tell me Andrew why an earth are you so interested in bras all of a sudden?’, well think back to my post Helen’s Striptease, the moment where my middle aged neighbour Helen unclipped her bra, well the seed of a post was born there and then……….. plus I’ve gotten nothing better to do this afternoon and boobs are fabulous!

Incidentally I don’t wish to offend anyone and because I’m a perfect gentleman I’m attempting to be both serious and sensitive at the same time and certainly don’t wish to come across as condescending, call this hopefully fun and amusing.

braless22

After watching the fascinating video where the lady gives her personal reasons for going braless I decided to do a little research of my own (science fan me) and where do you go if you want to find out a fact or two? Why the internet of course, dig deep enough and it’s surprising what you might learn!!

I Googled ‘reasons not to wear a bra’ this evening and happened across research conducted at a French University, turns out a sports Doctor named Jean-Denis Rouillon spent fifteen years studying the effect bras had on 330 women aged 18-35 then came to the earth shattering conclusion bras are useless!! A bold statement if ever there was one and as you can imagine he created one hell of a worldwide Sh**storm media frenzy!

Fifteen years is a long time to research bras and their effects on boobs, a study which concentrated on understanding ladies yearly breast changes when a bra is worn regularly against never worn and his preliminary results suggested, contrary to popular belief, when a young girl wears a bra from an early age, the bra doesn’t support the chest or reduce back pain or prevent breast sagging, in-fact ‘medically, physiologically and anatomically’ breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity………… the Professor went on to say when interviewed by French media “supported breasts get saggier over time”.

Here’s a useless piece of information for you, many years ago a lady by the name of Rachel (blonde attractive and age 25) and myself were undressing in her bedroom, a casual relationship, well without being indiscreet she was a ‘big girl’ and there we were sitting on her bed together and cometh the time she reaches around her back unclipping the strap of a rather large bra holding rather large boobs, and at the same moment her underwear garment was removed her boobs dropped ‘a mile’, that was a shock and a half I can tell you…. but don’t worry I’m NOT being disrespectful or abusive, both Rachel and her boobs looked absolutely stunning, so very feminine and sucking saggy empty boobs is wonderful……. just thought you’d be interested to know!

Where was I?

Bra research!

Returning to that French sports Doctor. According to his research, young women’s breasts were firmer, ligaments stronger, more toned due to extra breast tissue all because they never wore bras, and better news was to come, women who did NOT wear a bra experienced a 7 millimetre (that’s 0.3-inch) lift in their nipples compared with the women who wore bras……… pretty compelling research and now you’re wondering as to the reasons why?

Well according to the Doctor, he claimed bras have a way of slowing down blood circulation, which therefore reduced breast tone over time so the reasons are as simple as that! Some time after a British Doctor confirmed the research stating:

“For younger women, not wearing a bra will lead to increased collagen production and elasticity, which improves lift in a developing breast.” 

Hmm, I’m wondering whether the more mature woman, who’d worn a bra all her life, could suddenly burn her bra and get away with it? Then again do having children rubbish all his data?

One note of caution, the research team did add an important caveat stating women in the French study were not a representative of the population as a whole, which seems right and fair, mind you interesting research all the same!

:/ perhaps the more mature woman should keep her bra on!

To add further weight to the no bra argument if you write why I went braless’ into YouTube’s search engine Google will ‘so I’m told’ display hundreds of videos made by hundreds of women sharing their no bra life stories similar to Collette’s…………. what was life like before YouTube?

So ladies if you’re brave enough comment as to why you wear a bra? Support? Modesty? Attracting men or women or teenage (16+) girls or boys.

Braless 2Referring to the photo opposite, in my humble opinion going braless can be classy tasteful and yes elegant. I live in the University City of Oxford, a City of ‘year on year’ eternal youth, and every day I’ll see female ladies and students go braless :/ fine by me. However I guess for any of you ladies with exposure on the mind  I’d agree with you braless, for obvious reasons, does attract a little more attention, but having said that if more women threw their bras in the bin then both men and women from my parent’s generation might say “what’s all the fuss about?”

So you are maybe asking “what conclusions have you drawn Andrew?” 🙂 None at all except ladies be yourselves, if you like to wear bras ‘wear’, if you prefer not to wear bras ‘don’t’, it’s all good to me………….. but I prefer the ‘don’t wear’ simply because a lady’s natural profile is more feminine flattering and beautiful.

Please comment? Hmm should I stop these ‘amusing’ types of posts and please remember I have a good heart and mean no disrespect 🙂

© Andrew

Sexual Politics and childhood awakenings

Original and written by me Andrew

🙂 My promised London terrorism Posts will have to wait, you see I read an internet News story, as you do, became distracted and started writing about something completely different instead……..anyways I enjoyed myself which is all that counts.

I’ve a question for you. 

Am I unique or unusual or both never seeing a photograph of a fully nude woman until child age 10? Sleepy Town upbringing and all that!

Skip forward one year. Me age @11, my brother, Paul Townsend and his older sister Helen and a nameless girl I can’t remember, are standing inside my parents garden shed and Helen says “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”…………..SECONDS later my mother who had been listening outside, flings open the door and angrily says “all of you go to your homes” 😀 one minute longer I’d have seen a vagina, it would be three more years before another!……………..

(Helen and I started different schools soon after this incident!)

1 minute longer!!!! Why do I remember this story so vividly?

Hold on, don’t leave me yet that’s the tacky part over, this is a tale of first love childhood innocence and a Sex Ed. lesson I’d never forget. However my teacher left out one important ‘fact of life’, omitted something which took many years to find out, a fact that still angers me…………well it used to 🙂

Be aware this Post is not at all creepy or sordid, possibly not every ones cup of tea but it’s all very sweet and gentle, retelling one of those milestones in life you think about time to time, possibly prompted by a story of present day sexual politics like this one….. a World gone mad?

https://www.theinfong.com/2017/06/lady-banned-pool-inappropriate-swim-suit/

Is the Manageress correct? Is the bathing suit inappropriate? Would the children be mentally scarred for life misunderstanding it’s the adults who are over reacting? Is a butt tooo big for its bathing suit harmful to young minds?

Or am I the one at fault thinking she looks fine?

(Btw I have age 8 and 10 nephews, I get it! I also see the work my brother goes through with ‘locking’ passwords!)

Back to me never having seen a full frontal nude woman…………mollycoddled and all that, no interweb!

I don’t envy parents in 2017, a 10 year old if ‘unlocked’ could show his friends all manner of sordid pictures on his iPhone, picture a group of confused bewildered babes watching acts they shouldn’t be, or images no one should see in their lifetime, and all via school playground free WIFI. You think I’m joking?

😀 Returning to me! If you’re at all curious, back in the day I never came across photographs of a woman’s vagina until age 10, honest! My first time being in a Primary School’s ‘special events’ classroom consisting of 30 immature students listening incredulously to a sex education class taught by one Miss Aspley……….lol a wonderful woman!

Decades have passed now and most of my youthful memories, good and bad are forgotten, however I do remember being first aware of a female’s sexuality at age 10 but at the same thinking her attractive more than sexual. We can all roughly date our blossoming sexual maturity milestones can’t we? I remember taking a bath one evening, looking down and seeing my first pubic hair, honestly, an image burnt into my mind then stored in my brain’s picture folder.

Good that!

I do remember one unusual observation, discussing ‘hardness’ with my friend Martin Ashby age 10 though not understanding what they actually were for! No the only real memories captured by my imagination were for a certain teacher called Miss Aspley, she stirred first feelings of attraction, a childish love perhaps brought on by a sweet smile, a dress that looked nice, her pretty face who knows? But I know I liked her!……..And incidentally a model teacher in every way. 

Would Miss Aspley wearing a high cut pink bathing suit have corrupted my young mind?

A child’s first intellectual relationship in formative years is with their Primary School teacher, parents not withstanding. My Miss Aspley was bright, seemed to have answers to all life’s questions reading imaginative stories at end the day, and like with us all childhood literature stays with us for life. Miss was engaging firm amusing all attractive qualities irrespective of age and certain ‘bomb shell’ facts taught by her in class come back to me, true, and incidentally my mother met her many years later at a funeral and she’d a daughter of her own, and isn’t it written as gospel children will have a crush on their first teacher, or are we talking adolescents?

Where was I, oh yes reasons to be romantically attached to that special school teacher even children in early formative years and again I ‘loved’ Miss Aspley as much as a 10 year old can ahh. I never described her did I?

“Miss” was a tall slim fresh faced lady, thirtyish (old) classically English rose in appearance always most definitely wearing below the knee skirts and always conservatively dressed. Though I can’t recall her face I know for certain she was very pretty with long flame red hair as fine and straight as is possible to get, I’ve refrained from using the word elegance that gives visions of sophistication and remember I’m only 10! Pretty fits nicely.

Returning to a young child’s knowledge of sexuality, do women with big buts walking around swimming pools really have a bad influence on their minds? Common! I cannot remember a woman’s body remotely sexualised at age 10, honestly. Are things different now? Yes the internet and dark web!

My young nephew said “ouch you kicked me in the penis” when his brother hit him down there……………….and my mother swallowed hard!

So yes pretty Miss Aspley stirred inexplicable feelings of attraction, an immature sexual awakening , a warmth of feelings plus a little bit more. Whichever lol all I know is I did like her, knitted jumpers in winter buttoned to the neck blouses in summer, nothing ever remotely revealing perhaps I was just enchanted by her appearance and femininity, as far as a 10 year olds perception goes. Why do I recall my first crush so clearly? Yes there’ll be serious infatuation’s with educational goddesses in years to come, but Miss Aspley is remembered because she’s my first love, as an aside isn’t a girl’s first crush her best friends father?

So back to those 30 mixed sex pre pubescent children sitting cross legged on a coarse itchy carpet in the headmasters ‘special events’ classroom. Curtains were drawn, lights turned off Miss Aspley standing at the back operating a slide projector. I can vaguely remember thinking there was something special about today, anticipated, 30 suspicious bemused children or perhaps I’m looking back through rose tinted spectacles? So there we all are, seated gazing up at a stand alone white screen on the opposite side of the room……waiting!

And so the slide show begins with room hushed to total silence (unusual for 10 year olds)   Miss Aspley behind me narrating with her knowledgeable soft calmness, saying very little as black and white photographs passed before our eyes, dwelling longer on the reproductive diagrams AND THEN for the first time in my life I saw a photograph of a nude woman and her vagina, AN image that’s etched into my visual mind for all eternity, I see her face now yet many other Primary School memories are lost……so strange only particular photos remain for life! Neurons synapses fused visible for years to come.

Good that 😀 (only joking)

The nude young lady in the slide show hadn’t a particularly appealing face, bored even, a short woman with a typically English pear shaped figure wide child bearing hips and not in the least bit sexualised. As for her breasts, large, no drama here, I’d watched my neighbour Mrs H. breastfeed daughter number three plenty of occasions! …………. And again I can’t remember female breasts being sexualised at age 10, probably because I’d viewed them as producing milk keeping her infant alive.

Back to the swimming pool, a bathing suit? Really?

Don’t prompt me for any more facts gleaned from that Sex Ed. lesson because I remember little else, apart from that is, a photo of a tall naked gentleman with beard and glasses having a mass of jet back pubic hair surrounding his penis………again no big deal, unfortunately I’d caught glimpses of my father to understand hair sprouted from that region down below, yuck!!!!!

So there you, a life changing day for me at least, a Sex Ed. lesson over very quickly, we’re imparted the basics of reproduction, diagrams depicting a tadpole’s travels from testicle to egg via insertion of the bits, a series of un-sexy black and white photographs of the naked male and female human mammal, and again for reasons of a need to know basis I cannot remember the library having ANY sex education books.

Shouldn’t all childhoods be this way, a never to be forgotten lesson, a first attraction to a female but not understanding why? I’m back to Enid Blyton literature now……………..did you Google?

All in all my sex education lasted half an hour with NO questions and very much on message narration by ‘matter of fact’ Miss Aspley, but I do remember her as humourless without a hint of embarrassment and almost definitely bored witless. A brief memorable Sex Ed. lesson with graphic content little more than a series of photos (I think!) accompanied by sketchy diagrammatic theories of reproduction, no placing rolled up condoms on the tips of bananas, a fruit chosen for length diameter and curve, giggling excited children unfurling sperm barriers by use of their mouths. I’m KIDDING!!!

So there you are that was the breadth of my sexual knowledge for years and years to come and still amuses me till this day that I no comprehension of what a vagina looked like until age 10, if you’re interested the next was age 14 and only then after purchasing that copy of MAYFAIR from a boy in the sports hall changing room…………ahh but for one minute more…….remember Helen!

How times have changed…………………..horrifically for the worse, the dark web, abuse.

STIs and masturbation came years later, but annoyingly Miss Aspley said NOT a single WORD OF MASTURBATION, I had a right to be informed my body was capable of giving intense feelings of pleasure, special, safe enjoyable healthy for mind body and spirit, yes at age 10 she should have told me, but not a single word, I’m kept in the dark for years to come. Ignorance did have harmful consequences later in life and I’m still annoyed about that, I didn’t work out ‘how to’ for many years to come and not being told is inexcusable, even Biology at Secondary School was just as bad, 

A personal friend Emma says “I think I worked it out for myself ” hmm why didn’t I?

We should live our lives without fear of censorship shouldn’t we, education is empowerment, knowledge gives us judgement, lets us make informed decisions, corrects mistakes.

Tell children how to masturbate and the reasons why!!! Of course now I’d go to the NHS website but back in the day? ………..Word of mouth and a 4 channel TV set.

The internet, an innocence lost…………. 🙂 I get it!

So returning to my school lesson for one final time, Miss Aspley’s unwrapped and opened her Pandora’s box, 30 children have just realised adults have been keeping them in the dark and no harm was done. Sex Ed. lesson over, lights are switched on, curtains are drawn and this slim pretty lady with flame red hair walks calmly to the front of my class, stands by the white silk screen and as God is my witness I can remember thinking………….

‘Miss take all your clothes off!’ A sexual awakening if ever there was one 😀

The End.

© Andrew.

Masturbation, Facebook Twitter and Instagram, a Greek holiday tale, thoughts AND THANK YOU

thanks-lady-bug(Thank you to the 4 ladies for commenting yesterday 🙂 However I decided to delete the/your replies basically because I wouldn’t want someone to read this :/ ‘amusing post’ with very adult themes then forward to your blog, the internet being the internet and all that, my choice, perhaps you have second thoughts also? Like I said your comments were 🙂 appreciated (very) and useful as regards twitter and facebook and Instagram…….. anyways you get the idea. If a post is good enough (haha whatever that means), entertaining enough then people will like, the post was just for fun anyway. TY

😼 🙂 😀 😩 😉 (awesome for a sex blogger) 😛 XD :/ >:D 😡  😕 o_O 😳 🙄 😎 ^^’ ❀

Btw aren’t Emojis the best invention EVER! Seriously, they’re awesome add one yellow smilie to a sentence and it sets your emotions alight, and the iPhone Emojis are even MORE FABULOUS!!! Did you know they’re the product of texting in olden days when a phone message had so few characters users resorted to LMAO LMFAO……….

But I hate LOL, why? Is anyone actually Laughing Out Loud? My niece say lol within a spoken sentence, strange but adorable. Andrew)

Yesterday’s Post

I’m always curious as to why a blog falls silent, not because I’m nosey I’m just curious, have they gone ghost or finished forever? Especially interested if I’ve enjoyed Following. I’ve been on WP 2 years now, 2 years is a long time but I do lack inspiration which is fine, perhaps I ask to much of a simple free website? (I do) I may take a break. Anyways thank you for each view like and comment, you made me so happy.

If you didn’t consider my ‘writing varied eclectic and haphazardly ‘all over the place’ before this Post then you haven’t read this one yet.

My first and only Re blog……….. 60 Likes!

A blogging observation which really did catch me unawares, :/ an age thing, and I’m surprised it’s taken SO long for the ‘penny to drop’ when WordPress gives us the sharing tools …………. yes I speak of clicking those tiny icons which send you to Twitter and Facebook! Duh so obvious.facebook-twitter-instagram-2

‘WordPress is pants as regards social interaction (if you’re not very good), you have to be on Twitter!’

I didn’t write that btw, they’re not my words, whoever did goes top of the class and at the same time proving I’m slow on the pick up, social media adds an extra dimension to WP.

If I decide to take a break I’ll continue to scroll my Reader, my imagination requires it’s daily fix of amusement and intellectual stimulation to ever walk away, I watch little TV the internet is far more fun. Here’s a thought, whoever coined the phrase ‘self abuse’ as an alternative description and deranged idea masturbating is bad for you? Must have been those two faced Victorians who’s values Margaret Thatcher said we should return back to. B#ll sh#t what values? The ones that branded Charles Dickens a criminal, placed him in debtors prison just because he found himself on hard times, thank God for a Welfare State.

Time for adult themes, (there has to be with me, some like and they’re fun to make), as always if at least one person enjoys then I’m truly happy 🙂 )

Def masturbation– Stimulation of the genitals with the hand for sexual pleasure

 

“There are two kinds of people in the world, those who masturbate and those who lie!”

hot-men-masturbating-gifs-2

Wanking! An unusual habit all those tingly sensations and waves of pleasure, I’m immature lol, playing with oneself does fascinate me, always has done, all aspects and God knows why it’s scorned upon? There’s loads of medical benefits and more.

I read that  ‘2 kinds of….’ gem in a borrowed copy of GQ Magazine and for some reason it’s one of those useless pieces of information that attaches itself to a brain synapse or whatever and will never shift or disappear………… I probably have all my neurological brain biology mixed up but you get the idea.

:/ Humour me, sex amuses the child in me.

Like I said I won’t write a Post, yes playing with oneself is incredibly pleasurable but more importantly clinicians and psychiatrists say masturbation is good for ones general health and mental well being, that idea fascinates me, you know all those pleasure giving chemicals serotonin and dopamine being released from the brain making me high, so powerful they produce orgasmic sensations men spend the rest of their lives trying to recapture. Being serious for a moment, did you know masturbating flushes the prostate gland of stale semen (think about that astounding fact for a second, could fresh semen give you prettier more intelligent babies?

Men have to Wank daily, how else do they rid themselves of aging tadpoles, hey? AND we’re knowledgably informed ‘unused’ ‘past the sell date cum’ could be linked to prostate cancer, not forgetting ‘playing’ is the safest form of sex, no STD’s. In women masturbation can help prevent cervical infections and urinary tract infections through the process of “tenting,” or the opening of the cervix that occurs as part of the arousal process. (Googled)

woo.gif

So there you are, healthy for mind and good for the soul, and doesn’t send you blind 😀 . Here’s a tale, I once knew a lady who said when she was a small girl, her mother would smell her fingers and ‘tap’ the back of her hand. True, no violence or malice, just disapproving AND that lady wasn’t scarred for life, she thought it very funny.

Improved Health and Mental wellbeing, safe sex and pleasurable, seriously why do certain Christian Preachers teach children masturbation is wrong? Madness!

Serious subject pleasuring oneself, there’s a whole Series there, NO.

ENOUGH!!! (I honestly hope I’ve never offended anyone)

Are you bored yet?

red-bik
She’s surprisingly similar actually

Enough silliness, but masturbation thoughts are most welcome!

You’ve twisted my arm, I’ll tell you a true tale. Quite a few years ago I was on holiday sitting on a sandy beach in the Greek Islands, staring out across the Mediterranean Sea, a low Autumn sun shining above the horizon and practically all by myself. Short story short, my Brother and I had words, he went for a scooter ride to cool off and I sat cross legged wondering what an earth I’d done wrong?

Siblings can be together for just so long.

Then all a sudden a young lady woke me from the day dream by throwing her towel on to the sand a few metres away, quite startled me in fact, and no word of a lie I glanced up and down the beach and I can still visualize now, the lady was on her own the beach was empty and this beautiful young blonde was rolling out her large towel a few metres from me……..WTF? She never said a word, never looked at me, didn’t seem aware I existed, invisible I was! Why so near me when the beach was empty?

(Remember I’m always honest, 🙂 )

At the time and all these years later all I can assume is this single young lady, late twenties, felt more comfortable sitting close to another tourist rather than on her own, and just enough distance to make plain we weren’t an item, safety in numbers have you will! That’s the best I can come up with :/ she wasn’t picking me up, she fancied a day on the beach but didn’t want to be all on her own. Any problem and I could have saved her. Seriously.

So she sits down on the towel also looking out to sea, rummages through her bag, takes out a bottle of suntan lotion, places it beside her then starts to undress! Frigging incredible! And still she doesn’t glance my direction or utter a word, so strange. Cotton dress unbuttoned, that’s tossed away and unbelievably sat only metres away is a slim beautiful twenty something blonde lady wearing a skimpy two piece red bikini! Then she begins to smooth suntan lotion onto her arms and legs.

Passions rising!

Ten minutes ago I’m having an argument with my brother, five minutes ago I’m daydreaming looking out to sea, NOW this bikini clad lady lies back on her bath towel, closes her eyes, and there we both are two strangers on an empty beach, silent still and enjoying the warm late autumn sun!

Note these are the days before iPhones mp3 and earbuds, with nothing to occupy her mind I guess she lay day dreaming and my dick became hard and long, my heart was racing my breath quickening, and you’ve guessed I was excited. Amazing how one loses inhibitions when aroused, you take risks, brain chemicals and sex drive blur sane judgement. So what did you do next Andrew? I did what every sexually excited male would do, I silently drew my knees forward grabbed a towel to cover my waist and thighs then as quiet as I could wiggled my bottom and pull my shorts and pants down.

And all the while she lay serenely relaxed eyes closed, not a care in the world, oblivious to this panting English Tourist sat metres away one hand under towel, holding his dick masturbating himself IMPORTANTLY all the while staring at her gorgeous near naked body,only red bra and briefs for modesty.

Still to this day I close my eyes and see this gorgeous young blonde babe as if by photograph, all I can think now is surely I can’t have been THAT silent! You know breathless gulping and panting, well after a minute or so, yep that quick I came hard onto the sand between my legs, surely she heard me climax? Nope at no point did she turn and look or open her eyes, 😀 what if she had, clocked a tourist knocking one off staring at her breasts…………….could have been an interesting scene if my brother had come back.

I was spent and satisfied but can’t for the life remember what happened next, not a clue, I’d guess she went her way and I went mine, ok not a riveting story but unusual. Note I do realise these days a wanking man would be arrested and get 5 years for gross indecency, quite right to, doing disgusting acts like that in full view of watching women is sexual assault, and knowingly sadistic! Yes. BUT I still consider ‘mine’ was all very innocent (first and last), if she’d looked she may have guessed and at worst she’d have kicked sand in my face! 😀

So have you ever masturbated outdoors? (As if anyone would answer 😀 )

Facebook Twitter Instagram and your WordPress

fbtwitterQuickly returning to Social Media, first off for no apparent reason I’d like to make clear I’m NOT on FB and don’t do Twitter! At my age you must be joking, never have and never will, truthfully speaking I can’t help musing there’s something a little creepy about grown men having a facebook account, boys yes, men no, there you are just an opinion. Don’t get me wrong social media is a great idea but the revolution’s passed me by…….mind you Twitter’s good if you’re famous, start a petition to get Stephen Fry back I say, my sister in law is on FB, helps her unwind of an evening after the kids go to bed. 

Oh yes where was I, thoughts of social media. For several weeks now I’ve become increasingly aware the majority of bloggers I Follow link their WordPress to Instagram Facebook and Twitter accounts and this has me asking myself why do I have a WordPress? The lack of social interaction here does make me unhappy. I need to get out more, I’m a stranger to you 🙂 I need a lay!

Don’t judge me yet, I’m so pleased when ladies reply and say Hi when I comment, an erotic poetess says my comments always make her smile, she says I have a funny turn of phrase and it’s such a pleasure others appreciate my honesty. One woman even wrote me a profile for an internet dating website, lots of encouragement and tips, she said stay clear of bs and you’ll do well, but 😩 of course I never did…………… she’d have been disappointed after doing all that for me. Oh well.

So Bloggers post then Tweet their friends with the link. Common sense! A true community of friends interacting, would be nice but no that’s for the ‘kids’ and mums/moms……… like I said I don’t, I publish and well I’m depressing myself now 😩

So are there any conclusions to be made here, no, lol you decide and please don’t ever take my posts tooo seriously, people seem to Like me

I’m WELL aware I sound ungrateful 😩 , I’m NOT , NO, I’ve met so many wonderful people from across the Globe and yes some have become ‘internet friends’, (strangers still) and who recognise my rather unusual truthful honest way of expressing myself, and I’m extremely pleased to have yes lol interacted with you and your blog writing 🙂 I hope no ones been offended by my silly little Posts or my honest comments.

Incidentally my stats say someone in China has been viewing my blog 🙂 I’m so curious which post they looked at? Housing estate Walnut Tree? Autumn Leaves photo? Downton Abbey? My balls in briefs? Oxford’s ‘Gropecunt Lane? My mum’s collie?

I’ll still Follow.

That’s enough now, amazing where a couple of hours and a meandering stream of consciousness takes me.

© Andrew 🙂 ❀

Renamed Post = Theresa May tells lies

(I have to admit I’m not entirely happy with this Mrs May post, uploaded last night, and but for the comments I would have removed, a little tooo jolly but it stays. The only point I’m trying to get across is our PM could be a useful bridge to the world oh and introduce Theresa if you’ve never heard of her 🙂 )

I never usually blog Politics and I’m NOT going to repeat here what you can go read on the internet about Mrs May, after all I pale into significance compared with the professionals, so go Google British Newspapers! 🙂 But I’m at a loose end and I Follow several American political bloggers so why not post one of my own.

Here goes!

Sunday is nearly over and I thought I’d show a few pictures of our Theresa since she’s in the American News 😀 . AND thankfully yes a chemistry existed between her and Trump but don’t worry Theresa was just playing politics, being nice and all, she’ll never be his lap pussy and note could be good counsel when he’s off Twitter.

Mrs May is a shrewd bright no nonsense talking daughter of a clergyman with sound moral judgement, so please give her a break Britain’s Press hopefully she’ll be a brake on Trump lunacy, they liked each other so calm down!

Unlike Trump, May is University educated having studied at St. John’s College, Oxford (which incidentally I walk past everyday on the way to work) and as you’ll guess I’m a big fan of our new PM she’s a breath of fresh air after that wanker showman David Cameron (BREXIT is his fault alone c##t) and never forget Theresa spent six years as Home Secretary coping with weekly (daily) minefields of riots, prison breakouts, police shootings of black teenagers………and yes the Police Federation so good at standing in the way of countless Home Secretaries over the years, they deserved a telling off!……..just watch this, Theresa as she reads Police the riot act.

Impressive 🙂

AND I do like this very telling photograph below (1000 words and all that!), Trump’s re-telling an anecdote, cracking a joke and she’s well just letting it pass. (BTW I’m NOT anti American I loved Obama such a graceful intelligent man.

 

th
Theresa just letting it roll!

 

A few pictures, hasn’t she a great sense of style. (I wouldn’t say no!)

ttttheresa-may

I think she’s fab! 😀

 

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He likes her, but beware she’s streetwise!

 

(All very tongue in cheek)

© Andrew 🙂