55 – Voyage around my brother (and other)

(When the following day I re read a post I’ve written, I wrote this last night, I think ‘geez Andrew could you try any harder to make people not like you?’ I’m tooo honest for my own good, I visited the young women for love, they said and I know I looked for love in the wrong place, a past life, ūüôā I’m tooo honest but I’ll carry on maybe in drafts only for myself, always feeling second best needs addressing or I’ll never move on.)

These next posts could be considered by some an exercise in self indulgence, but¬†that’s fine¬†I won’t argue¬†ūüôā¬†I enjoyed writing. Btw¬†part 3 of Lake District¬†photos will have to wait, they’re old ones and isn’t the point to a blog new material?

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Cropped! I wanted to share but that’s not fair without permission, but¬†the collie dog won’t mind cause she long gone anyway¬†ūüė¶

The reasons why two brothers can be so different fascinates me and truthfully¬†always has done. Those of you with children or lucky enough to have brothers and sisters will have questioned many times in pure wonderment,¬†how and why babies borne of the same mother’s womb, genetically closer than all other billions of human souls walking this planet put together, are so similar yet SO different?¬†How can it be two brothers (or¬†four sisters)¬†are so¬†unalike, contrasting¬†individuals¬†dissimilar in¬†EVERY possible respect to the point one could be a good kind human being, his brother an evil degenerate yet both¬†are borne of the same woman! Absolutely incredible! I was going to labour¬†the point with four sisters, but you get the idea.

Don’t worry this isn’t a critical essay, just personal observations, themes I’ve wanted to put down in print for quite a while.

I’ve had a thought after writing, perhaps¬†interpret the escorting anecdotes as a juxtaposition, defining how different we both are! One brother moral the other amoral, black and white have you will, chalk and cheese!

I’m hoping my brother never discovers my blog and certainly hope he NEVER¬†happened¬†across my first let alone read it! Omfg that’d create a stir in the family that’s for sure, though knowing my lovely sister-in-law she’d almost certainly laugh ūüėÄ ……. I don’t think it’s fair to leave you in suspense,¬†not say a little more about my first, enough to say I shared tales of my afternoons spent with 12 lovely ‘high end’ in call escorts, a fact¬†I’m neither proud¬†or ashamed of, I looked for love in the wrong place and¬†in truth we did very little together, to me they were sweet kind fun young ladies and well that naughty past life is behind me now……… sometimes I wish I hadn’t deleted that old¬†blog but then again maybe erasing a printed past life was and is¬†quite cathartic.

So to my brother M. Interesting to me¬†I’m not in the slightest bit envious or jealous of my brother I’m only glad he didn’t turn out similar to me, NOT that there’s anything wrong with me mind, I’m a nice kind man who’s never been in trouble, but then again maybe if a frequented brothel had been raided by the Police that could have taken some explaining away to family and employer!!!! Me knelt at the end of the bed, my head between a beautiful young ladies parted thighs licking her freshly washed pussy, sucking folds of labia whilst out stretched arms permitted me squeezing her tits playing with her nipples,¬†only for the serious crime squad to bust through her door looking for hookers and their clients. They never did. And I know¬†escorts faked orgasms, one older lady who used to say ” Oh yes……….Oh yes………Oh yes……….Oh yes…..’ in a¬†monotone matter of fact fashion, forearm resting on her face covering her eyes sort of didn’t fake, I asked her after I’d finished:

“Did¬†you enjoy”,¬†to which¬†she replied “yes” with a smile, “you are gentle and I haven’t the time for faking, either I enjoy or I don’t and you were very pleasant”………..I’ll settle for that ūüôā

Oh yes I digress, my brother, like I said I’m neither jealous envious or consumed with anger that he has¬†a life¬†I don’t,¬†his life’s always¬†appeared easier luckier¬†for him than for me but that’s fine,¬†his seems MORE fun but¬†like I said I’m neither a jealous or envious man.¬†Christ those are destructive evil qualities in a person, throughout British history envious Kings and Princes have fought one¬†another, the younger usually jealous the elder’s to marry¬†THE gorgeous Princess, a¬†sibling who¬†has¬†power wealth and influence. In Biblical times brothers have murdered because one is envious of the other, I’m not religious so I can’t tell you their names or stories, but I remember from Sunday School¬†more than one¬†instance a jealous man has murdered his brother because he didn’t have what the other possessed, Cain and Able? Or am I right off.

(Escorting intermission, a memory, laying face¬†down on warm quilt on a comfy bed in some Chelsea village apartment block, her sat on my buttocks legs astride my hips, me feeling her wet pussy against my butt cheeks¬†as she massaged¬†‘BOOTS’ own brand¬†coconut butter¬†into my tense shoulder muscles…… heaven….God I need to get laid again, but I’m never going to pay ever again no more of that stupidity! Lovely human beings.)

Back to my brother, so we have ascertained I love him and I’m not in the slightest bit jealous or envious, you see he is the complete opposite to me in every way possible so much so I’ve wondered¬†whether my mother may have gotten up to something and we are in fact ‘that’ or adopted ONLY¬†JOKING MOTHER!!!!! (I know not funny) Maybe I am adopted? How can two brothers be so different? Enough to say we are ‘chalk and cheese’ like Prince Harry and Prince William well come on they are products of different fathers, so different in looks, Lady Di was NOT virginal when she married Prince Charles and turns out neither was she chaste after marriage,¬†she¬†was lovely¬†but as¬†it turned out the tramp didn’t half sleep around, our Queen of Hearts had many lovers and I’m¬†happy she enjoyed her time on earth¬†God rest her soul, ok I’ll go to the Tower and lose my head for that slur BUT someone tell me I’m lying and sue me for slander!!! She¬†knew many men and in my dreams I wish one of them had been me! Hell I’d f#ck my neighbour given the chance lol. Nah C. is a lovely husband.

(I nearly cut that last paragraph, but doesn’t the fact two Royal brothers are SO different fascinate us all? Fine young men but we all are a little curious.)

(Escorting intermission, do you know what I had an epileptic fit whilst visiting one escort, I paid her took a shower and whilst in her tiny flat’s bathroom¬†showering door securely locked (why?) she was waiting naked the other side with MASSIVE firm round big tits, anyways as I was showering, water streaming down my body¬†I suddenly slumped to the bottom of the bath for approximately 1 minute shaking profusely, and as always happens, recovered and composed myself¬†just as quickly¬†before regaining my balance and unsteadily standing again. Recovered I¬†sort of stumbled out the bathroom and she never¬†knew or suspected, an epileptic fit is different for every sufferer but for me a seizure comes on near instantly and the debilitating effects leave just as quickly consequently I doubt she ever suspected. Would have freaked her out I know! Then move on 2 minutes and¬†I was f#cking her missionary position on her double bed in¬†a¬†dimly lit Soho boudoir,¬†incidentally¬†BBC Radio 2 was playing in the back round for some reason, as I came all I could remember was some guy reading the London traffic news, sexy hey?)

So I hope you’ve ascertained¬†my brother is totally different and I’m cool with the fact. For those still with me finally I’ve reached the point where I’d like to tell you something about him, M. is tall good looking, witty, charming, had many friends and acquaintances throughout his life, a very personable man who will talk to anyone, chatting with him is like meeting an old friend,¬†as comfortable as if¬†you’d known him for years. He’s University educated and highly intelligent, now employed as a Hospital clinical physician, and if you’re interested he research’s genetic abnormalities¬†present in¬†unborn children, avert your eyes for this next part.¬†I don’t mean to be nasty, part of his job entails carrying a cool box from ward to lab (so I gather) carrying dead newly born babies or foetus, in of course a very caring dignified manner, he cares! Then¬†his Department carries out important research, end¬†results which may help you, a¬†family member or someone you know who’s trying to have a baby. Not palatable but¬†life changing¬†important¬†after conceiving.

M. in both¬†personality and moral outlook takes after my mother and her father respectfully, there exists a direct genetic humane link in every way possible, he is thoughtful good and kind, implicitly knows and understands the difference between right and wrong, we all think we do, but he understands¬†a problem or judgement as black or white, and if you listen to his opinion there is no colour grey, if you were to say something controversial or important he’d make clear¬†right or wrong, but he’s not in the slightest bit arrogant patronising or condescending, in fact¬†I’ve never met anyone where just through the art of conversation an issue or whatever¬†can be¬†so clear cut….then again we¬†think like that¬†ūüôā

Am I boring you?

To be continued……………

Andrew ūüôā

 

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51 – The lady at the bus stop. Pt 2 (of 2)

Continued………………… (Please don’t confuse my 2 tales, remember the lady I met last Wednesday, we DIDN’T have sex at a bus stop! That’s another story)

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‘……sex, fun, laughter and cuddles¬†over we went our separate ways, after all¬†the evening¬†was only¬†ever ‘one night sex’,¬†yes I know I’d said¬†I like to¬†meet her again but¬†I doubt it, NO!…………… ūüėÄ ….I desperately¬†want to¬†tell all but I promised myself earlier best¬†to be discreet¬†and not kiss and tell, so nothing of our evening and quite right tooo even though I enjoy writing about sex, best left, enough said! So after a lovely evening together I let myself out of her electronically controlled front door into a freezing¬†pitch black late December evening,¬†and yes Oxford was more than a little cold last Wednesday with a dusting of¬†white powdered frost adhered to car windscreens. After a couple of minutes walking alongside a busy main road I made out the figure of someone small standing at a bus stop ahead, I have epilepsy and don’t drive so public transport being very good in Oxford, whichever direction I walked tonight I knew¬†I’d come across one¬†soon enough, then jump aboard a bus that’ll¬†take me into town.

As I approached the bus¬†stop lit only by¬†a street lamp¬†illuminating a dull orange glow onto the figure beneath, with every step forward¬†the person became clearer,¬†so much so by the time I reached the stop I could see she was in fact, yes¬†a lady! Aged 40’ish with¬†an¬†attractive face, dark hair and Oxford being so multicultural¬†these days¬†I just knew she wasn’t English. Her appearance apart I also¬†realised she was¬†wearing a rather worried expression¬†across her face and I think I¬†understood why, several months ago, only 200 metres from this point a girl had been abducted and raped, so seeing her standing alone still surprises me¬†even now¬†because ever since¬†the rape police have instructed women not to walk the streets alone at night, err maybe that’s why she was so nervous and visibly apprehensive. Thinking¬†about it¬†witnessing me approaching out of the gloom then¬†stopping right in front of her must have been lol chilling, rapist or not I could have robbed¬†verbally abused¬†or assaulted her…………you should read the Oxford Mail, a lot’s¬†been happening recently.

I didn’t!

Writing here and now I’m unsure who struck up our conversation first, no idea and it¬†doesn’t really matter or does it?¬†Anyway acquaintances made¬†for the next 15 minutes or so we made¬†small talk, chatted about those inconsequential silly things in life that strangers talk about, you know how cold we were, the costs of living in Oxford, infrequent buses not running to schedule, ‘silly old me’ stories always so adorable……….. and as time¬†ticked by¬†she visibly relaxed, even smiling with¬†occasional laughter. And we learnt a little more about each other such as she had a hard evening’s work ahead of her, apparently after taking a bus into town¬†she then had¬†to¬†take a bus out again¬†to one of the surrounding villages for what I can gather was¬†her cleaning job, hard work and yes I was correct she wasn’t English, that’s¬†fine by me btw, and at a guess I would say she was Spanish, I’m probably way off but she was of Mediterranean descent.

So there we were making small talk having a right ole jolly time, she’s friendly and personable and I’m being my usual polite self smiling and chatty. We’re told within three minutes we can judge whether we like someone or not and¬†well I’m an open book, what you see is what you get, so know doubt by now she’d¬†have¬†worked out I’m a pleasant good natured guy and definitely never a¬†threat, further still¬†if someone nasty had approached I would have looked out for her.

After 15 minutes getting to know each other the bus comes into view stopping¬†alongside us, surprising to me¬†whilst boarding¬†the bus¬†she’s still¬†chatting, then¬†she pays seating herself¬†several rows into the bus, I show my pass, follow¬†and involuntarily as I always do,¬†walk right past her sitting further at the rear. Yep I pass her by, happens all the time, nothing there you might think and you’re probably correct, always Correct! But on this occasion as the bus pulled away¬†a feeling of dread flooded over me, should I have sat down next to her and carried on chatting?¬†I think I should have, this evenings circumstances seemed a little different¬†yet¬†true to form, quite unwittingly I’d sat somewhere else,¬†I hadn’t taken¬†the chance to be well just sociable! What¬†am I¬†supposed to do now? Nervous is my character and I hadn’t meant anything by walking by…….. but too late now, f#ck, my¬†indifference must have appeared rudeness.¬†Yep I left¬†her¬†in peace¬†our brief human interaction at an end, which¬†after all¬†ha been¬†little¬†more than relaxed social banter, and¬†no doubt she’s¬†happy and relieved not¬†to be standing¬†alone in the dark next to a road busy with cars driving past.¬†‘Yes’ I say to myself, she’s probably not given me a second thought sitting behind her. OR¬†should I have¬†taken the risk of overstaying my welcome by moving and sitting next to her? Bothering her have you will, annoying her, misreading an earlier¬†human interaction as a brief encounter we all enjoy¬†every single day and repeated thousands of¬†times a day.

:/ I should’ve sat next to her!!!!

Now please understand¬†what I’m about to¬†say next is intended as tongue in cheek, not at all to be taken seriously, but I ask what if she was the one? What if this friendly Spanish lady who’d enjoyed our safe convivial conversation¬†moments earlier had been the ONE for me? What if she was sitting there a front of me hoping I’d sat alongside her¬†continuing to chat¬†where she’d left off, or perhaps she’d instantly forgotten me occupying her thoughts with the hard evening’s work ahead¬†perhaps¬†money to earn for her children’s Christmas presents? But¬†of course I’ll never know will I,¬†I never sat next to her, in order to find out what happens next¬†in our lives¬†we have to take emotional rational risks or you end up single middle aged lonely and living on your own………like me! I know lol sad in so many ways, I should have warned you but as I said I wasn’t going to write this post.

So all these evenings later let’s just put¬†our warmth and friendliness down to Wednesday’s circumstances or whatever, as for saying maybe she was the one, think of that silly statement as all tongue in cheek.¬†However true life brief encounters do happen and¬†sometimes they do end in love,¬†silly talk I know but if there is a moral to this tale then it must be “seize the day!”

Ok I know having¬†thoughts dilemmas¬†and questions such as these could drive¬†a man¬†insane,¬† so just¬†understand¬†I’m an¬†extremely sensible guy, all day everyday I talk with women, married or female students¬† and I never confuse friendliness for romance, after all¬†crossing paths or working with the fair sex is well life itself!¬†I’m a chatty small talk sort of guy, whether the woman sat¬†at a supermarket checkout or¬†the young lady sat next to me on a train who shared her sweets on our journey to Leeds, (and note I wasn’t giving sweets to unknown women got make that clear lol these days!)¬†Where was¬†I , oh yes thoughts of interacting with women, happens all the time without¬†thoughts of love ever entering my mind, but tonight this Spanish lady seemed, well¬†a little¬†different.

Perhaps her humour friendliness smiles and willingness to talk was shear relief! Perhaps she’d been frightened to death seeing me approach out of the gloom then¬†breathed an almighty sigh of relief¬†on seeing¬†I was a nice guy, unthreatening and friendly¬†her knowing¬†Oxford¬†is now¬†such a dangerous City. But f#ck what if she’d hoped I’d sat down next to her, chatted for a few¬†minutes longer, you never know this pleasant middle aged man may have made an impression on her by the time we’d reached our final destination? The trouble with me is I’m a hopeless romantic¬†perhaps I’ve seen the movie ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ one tooo many times.

I know I know introspective thoughts like these¬†are pointless and questions of ‘what might have been’ could like I said¬†drive a man insane, but perhaps¬†tonight has been a wake up call, a good lesson……….. hmmm me thinks it’s time¬†I should¬†take a walk in the fresh air!

…………….finally you may be wondering, ‘Andrew the lady you had sex with earlier, is she¬†not your soul mate?’ Good question which deserves a non flippant answer……… I’d like to tell more but some things are better left unsaid except to say¬†we should never confuse sex with being in¬†love, to the point perhaps you shouldn’t have sex with someone unless you truly love them¬†and vice versa….best I can do I’m afraid.’

Written last night, all very embarrassing ūüôā Andrew

50 – The lady at the bus stop. Pt 1 (of 2)

Tabby-GirlAtBusStop.jpgAfter first titling¬†my post ‘Sex and a lady at the bus stop’, I’ve just remembered I have a tale to tell which in fact involves sex AT a bus stop!…….Hmmm that’s a story for some other time but alas I didn’t f#ck her behind that skip¬†after she’d finished with my friends……….. one of the biggest regrets of my life, I had the chance, she wanted to¬†but another friend stopped me for good reasons, he knew I’d had tooo much to drink, he looked after me¬†and must have sensed¬†our evening out together was in danger of getting out of hand. But still pulling her off me whilst we were kissing at the bus stop¬†does seem a little mean all these years later¬†and NO she was NOT a hooker! (Btw we were all age 17, us boys, her and all her :/¬†friends?)

Don’t despair, bare with me, my introduction misogyny and silliness done with, this post is very much more personal than usual and very much written for me, so much so I very nearly disabled likes and comments, we’ll see.

Introspection is all very well as long as there’s a point to self analysis,¬†looking inwards questioning¬†why life isn’t how I’d like it to be or would like it to be can¬†quickly¬†make way¬†to¬†feeling sorry for oneself, and wallowing in self pity isn’t a pretty sight further still¬†brooding over life’s¬†regrets can be self destructive!¬†Then again,¬†time to time¬†reflecting¬†on¬†one’s¬†direction in life¬†doesn’t hurt once in a while and where better place to write than on a blog.

Talking of blogs, do you ūüėÄ really¬†need to know or want to understand the reason why? Why I haven’t been here? No not really because you all have lives to lead, so Andrew of what cryptic nonsense do¬†you speak? I¬†began November blogging a post everyday for 18 days but then a week ago¬†I stopped, now understand I’ve been chastised in the past for apologising so I won’t,¬†all I will say is¬†I squeezed a boob and licked a nipple Wednesday evening……………..a HUMAN female breast I might add!!!!!!……….I know she¬†sounds fantastic but¬†being with her¬†wasn’t love and¬†I’m someone who¬†wants to be in¬†love and hates being single¬†:/ one night stands are ok I guess,¬†you know sex then go your separate ways, but¬†lust is a deadly sin for a good reason, sex without love is¬†well…..a little¬†pointless.

Why am I still single and living on my own? How did I come to be a bachelor when all I’ve ever wanted needed is to be in a loving relationship? I’m not going to even try to explain why just understand the reasons are complicated, the opposite sex confuse and baffle me and¬†I’ve NEVER been skilled at reading a woman’s body language or the¬†signals¬†she gives of herself?

Whether you can live with¬†a lady¬†is immaterial, just know you can’t live without her…….. ūüôā ahhh.

Over the past two years I’ve followed hundreds of ladies¬†writing of¬†their relationship happiness also heart rending¬†horrific tales here on WordPress. True stories¬†of¬†living with¬†controlling abusive narcissistic partners and the emotional scars and wounds their abusers¬†behaviour leave behind,¬†and yes I felt desperately sad for the ladies and their predicaments to the point I stopped reading because they upset me so….. you see I feel tremendous empathy towards people enduring sadness and hardship, reading was¬†I guess a form of¬†voyeurism but at the same time their accounts¬†were so¬†upsetting¬†I¬†sensed they were also¬†emotionally damaging and yes unhealthy so I had to stop…… there’s only so much of other peoples sadness you can take on board!!!

But rather selfishly I’m questioning myself tonight, asking myself ‘why the hell am I still single when I’d never treat another¬†woman so awfully?’ I’m a nice man, horrible word I know but it’ll suffice ūüôā I’m a nice guy I enjoy the company of women, I’m respectful polite and never arrogant, I listen often captivated by their femininity humour,¬†very often¬†amused by their funny little ways and of course¬†I¬†enjoy their sexuality always at a respectful distance mind!! However I live alone and internet dating isn’t the answer………..f#cking nightmare……don’t ever bother.

A married friend of mine says women are a different species, unfathomable emotionally irrational sometimes a little unstable,¬†however he wouldn’t¬†wish to¬†be unmarried for all the world, by all accounts my friend and his wife argue, as do¬†all couples but they obviously still love each other because they’ve reached 50 together! Btw he’s also a¬†gobshite who says during sex he’ll gaze at the bedroom wallpaper just so as to take his mind off the job in hand, apparently¬†convincing himself¬†‘to redecorate’, ‘musing over colour schemes’, ‘setting a start date’ apparently mundane thoughts help¬†prolong the intercourse, you know leave the moment of¬†ejaculation for as long a¬†time as possible, he says “it keeps her happy!”

ūüėÄ Back to me! Why AM I still single? I’m a nice man, I would never strike a woman, I have never sworn in front of a lady to the point this week I told a guy off at work for saying fuck and shit in front of a young Pakistani lady, his defence was she’s just a technician like the rest of us, BULLSHIT she’s a lady and he (my boss) was being a disrespectful misogynistic bastard! Afterwards I spoke to her and she said she wasn’t offended, laughed the abuse off because it wasn’t personal but I differ, work aggravation or not¬†the issue¬†wasn’t her fault and she didn’t need to witness language like that. I’m an¬†honourable man, there are standards and rules, yes¬†she works on a par in a man’s world but she’s still a lady and should be treated as such.

HOWEVER I’m not perfect, far from it, I’m prone to sulking rather than shouting and swearing, I guess my retort to difficult interpersonal situations is to go all ‘silent treatment’ you know act in a very childish manner, ‘you’ve upset me so I’m not speaking to you any more’ all very juvenile but so much better than lashing out verbally.

Btw I didn’t sit down to write a post about relationships, believe it or not I intended to share photographs I taken in the Lake District a¬†UK national park,¬†so heaven knows how I came to be questioning why I’m still single? Btw¬†‘WHY’ is¬†a long long story too complicated for even WordPress tonight or ever!!!!¬†I’ll leave photos for another day and see where this unplanned post goes?

To be continued……………..