Photography session pt3 – final thoughts!

A massage tale and little else, no sex. πŸ™‚

Masseuse (noun) def. A woman who provides massage professionally.

I must apologise for my misleading post Title that was naughty, and yes click bait at its worst! You’ll have guessed there were more selfies in this series of me modelling lady’s black stockings, however I’m worried some of you lady readers might pass out (or πŸ˜‰ moisten) so I’ll keep them private, especially after reading such complimentary feedback! πŸ˜€ Then again 100 Likes ‘here’ and I’ll share them how’s that for a deal? NO!!!

I quite enjoyed photographing myself actually, viewing my body in a whole new perspective is fascinating sexy even, and if you were wondering those stocking’d pictures were captured using my Samsung Galaxy Tablet, I ONLY wish I’d remembered I owned a video camera because the movies filmed at Blenheim Palace could have been so much more spectacular!

Talking of dick pictures! I’ve never sent a lady a photo of my dick but the more I read about this nasty habit, a female victim’s reaction is either “whatever”, an unimpressed “wtf” or a more usual “that’s disgusting”. Yet some men appear to love exposing their manhood to women, why? However they’d probably have to think twice in future, current sexual assault legislation is in a whirlwind of change, a firestorm of change and quite right to.

I visited my Polish masseuse, then wrote a ridiculously long 4000+ word post, drafted and split into 3 parts! But I’ve been posting tooo often just recently, I have this sixth sense people are a little bored with my musings and to be honest I’ve wrapped up the series one might call, sexual observations of the female human mammal, for that’s what we are, just another mammal amongst thousands that walk planet earth!

Hmmm no doubt some lady will prompt another sexy post!

Oh yes my Polish masseuse, I visited her rented flat, I stripped naked as she sat on the bed wearing a rather stern expression watching me undress, and the more I think about her staring the more I’m convinced she was waiting to see what specimen of men’s member she would soon be consensually playing with! But many women have seen me undress to be unfazed by them gazing at my manhood.

So there I am stripped naked and extremely warm because her one bedroom flat was hotter than a sauna. I lay face down atop a bath size towel stretched out on her bed, feeling Lydia climb on after me I make myself comfortable and finally relax. I must admit I hadn’t expected her to sit on top of my thighs her knees straddling my waist, I could even feel her warm crotch against my skin, her knees squeezed tight against my hips making sure I wasn’t going anywhere!

Anne 003
A very beautiful lady.

For the following ten minutes Lydia massaged my back transporting me to heaven, her skilful touch is an experience a guy hopes dreams and wishes for, gorgeous Lydia with her dextrous fingertips massaging scented oils into my shoulder muscles, the fibres tense and knotted, applying gentle pressure to tired muscles which later that evening were yes a touch sore. Not to worry I hadn’t experienced such powerful tingling sensations ever!

Then she asked me to roll over, propped a pillow behind my neck raising my head because she was worried I’d pass out. Again she straddled my hips, her knees so far apart I could see the profile of her ‘lady bits’, she was smiling at me gazing at her private region because it was quite deliberate. I became aroused, a signal for Lydia to get the baby oil bottle and plastic gloves out drizzling the cold liquid down the shaft of my p#n#s, then with skilful right hand she rhythmically tugged twisted and rubbed giving me the best hand relief I’d ever received, then she pushed her left index finger inside my you know and when she stroked my prostate my eyeballs rolled into the back of my head!!! Finally came the money shot as I gazed at her perfectly shaped boobs inside a cotton balconette bra………… I showered, dried myself, dressed, we hugged and I left a happy, very happy satisfied Andrew.

There was to be no sex, no oral, no touching of her incredible body, no kissing all of which I’d known courtesy of her website, and as I’d prepared myself to expect. Lydia was a little more (if you call prostate little more) than your average masseuse, however hers wasn’t an adult service, she was totally professional and importantly to me skilful genuine and lovely, basically all that I’d hoped for.Β 

πŸ˜‰ A Google image? I’ll let you decide!


Andrew x


Announcing ‘A post every day for all next week’

My momma always said, “Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

I woke late yesterday morning, dressed, breakfasted etc, ran upstairs into my spare bedroom, grabbed my electric toothbrush and by the time I reached the bathroom door I heard a clunk as a lump of plastic hit my laminate flooring. Turning around the lump was a plug, attached to a cable, fixed into the electric iron I’m staring at in my hand! So there I am dumfounded gazing at an iron thinking to myself wtf brush my teeth with this? Seriously am I starting to lose the plot or are these the first signs of yikes……….? Jeeze :/ that ain’t frigging amusing!!! That anecdote means not a thing, except I wanted to share, don’t worry I’m not losing the plot but incidents like this sharpen the mind.

Announcing, one post a day for all next week

I’d been signed off work last week with a (badly) bruised rib bone 😦 consequently with time on my hands the choice was do nothing or write my thoughts into WordPress posts. Consequently that’s what happened, the trouble is I don’t enjoy seeing them languishing in draft, I never have done, blogging for me is write something new and original, I fret and fidget a little, then have to ‘publish’ so that’s what’s happening next week. Though maybe don’t set your hopes tooo high!

Monday (A tale)

Two tales of innocence lost

Tuesday (A tale)

I work alongside Young Women so what are these NEW rules and boundaries?

Wednesday (Private photographs, a request)

I really should have put some knickers on!

Thursday (A tale)

Visiting a Polish Masseuse part 1

Friday (A tale)

Visiting a Polish Masseuse part 2

Saturday (A tale)

Visiting a Polish Masseuse part 3

Sunday (Ancestral photographs)

Grandfathers and Great Grandfathers

They’re all written after Sunday who knows?Β  Andrew


So our Defence Secretary MP has just resigned!

nintchdbpict000364304114The UK’s number one tabloid newspaper ran two stories alongside each other, Emma Knight 26 telling us ‘that’ she WOULD wear a sheer bathing suit, incidentally a celeb gossip news story which I can’t be assed to explain because it’s so banal and crass to the core. The second story being the resignation of Sir Michael Fallon who happened to be our Defence Secretary arguably the third most powerful politician in the land.

Michael Fallon
A rather forlorn looking EX Defence Secretary Sir Michael Fallon

The juxtaposition of these two very different stories in one edition shouldn’t surprise you, because The Sun is a ‘newspaper’ popular with the working class man who is assumed is only interested in sex? Also the irony isn’t lost when I tell you up until several years ago the The Sun published on page 3 of each daily edition, a full page photograph of an attractive curvaceous young woman with her boobs on full view.

Yes images as every right minded person would point out, not only feminists, that are degrading and could be viewed by children, just be aware The Sun are always up for sex stories, sells newspapers don’t you know hence curvaceous voluptuous Emma is published wearing her opaque swimsuit. Btw she does look sensational! πŸ˜›

So our Defence Secretary has resigned, and for those that didn’t understand why it’s because fifteen years ago he touched a female journalists knee during a Radio interview. I guess he knew he wouldn’t be seen, also he’s an intelligent guy perhaps he thought she’d maybe up for fun and games? Who knows but let me make clear he was wrong!


Now that this story has resurfaced, journalist Julia Hartley-Brewer’s reaction has been to say she dealt with his unwanted sexual advances there and then and considered the matter then closed. Incidentally she’d said to him at the time “touch my leg again and I’ll smack you round the face” which personally I only wish she had.

So I ask you this, is a smack/slap/ across the cheek perhaps the reaction every woman should take to having her leg touched? Or should a man in charge of Britain’s Army Navy and Air Force be sacked from his job with all that’s going on between Trump and Kim? A dangerous game of brinkmanship that could end in nuclear war, hmm I don’t think so.

Now hold on before you accuse me of err anything! In the UK we have several MP’s who have been reported for unwanted sexual advances, many stories will re surface and many MP’s will lose they’re jobs and of course this harassment debate stretches over the pond with new Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey actual sexual assaults. On reflection perhaps these two despicable examples of manhood are a different news story to our own ex Defence Secretary.


That’s for you two decide. As for me I just wish more women DON’T say, “touch my leg again and I’ll smack you round the face”, I just wish they’d swing their arm from deep behind their shoulders and smack their hand across the guys face! Hurt him and shame him in full view of others!

Have I been right and proper with some of my observations of the fair sex on Blog Andrew? Perhaps not then again I’ve always been honest and if I’ve written about my love of suckling at the nipple of a ladies breast as if I’m a new born babe, the anecdote is true and only because there’s a difference between adoring women and taking unwarranted sexual liberties. (Work that one out!)

A recent quote from Ms. Brewer as the dust is settling,

“Westminster is in the grip of a media which hunt that risked creating a sterile world, where men and women never speak or touch in the workplace.”…….

……”That’s not a world most of us want to live in” she said.

Andrew πŸ™‚


More! Late evening thoughts.


Throughout my many months blogging (loosest use of the word lol) I have never written a book review, amazing right! An awful admission to make, incidentally after watching Hilary Rodham Clinton’s appearance on the Graham Norton Show I shall be reading her new book, What Happened also referred to as I F#cked Up and Excuses, I have a clearer idea.

During her 45minute’s chatting to Graham I learnt the reasons how and why she lost the Presidential election, yes Trump’s disgusting persistent deviousness, lying and dirtier trickery worse than any Watergate misinformation is the reason she’s not President. However she went further pointing a finger of blame at sexism not forgetting the misogyny so rife in American (and British for that matter) politics.

Probably because I’m English I wasn’t aware Trump defeated 14 Republican candidates along his path to the White House, and Clinton won by 3 million votes, so if you get the opportunity to watch Hillary’s interview on theΒ BBC I heartily recommend.

Talking of sexism and misogyny THAT leads me seamlessly into the reasons for deleting my previous post from WordPress!

You may have noticed I deleted my post ‘Can sexism ever be considered funny?’ The beauty of WordPress is I’m permitted to redraft or edit, republish or remove permanently something I dislike, a blog is our platform (to borrow an in vogue overused buzzword) we can do as we wish or see fit. Bearing in mind I’m fine knowing some of my themes aren’t to everyone’s taste, plus lol I don’t care (I do) but after rereading my sexism post I became distinctly unhappy linking the YouTube video rap by Afroman. I answered my own question basically, sexism racism homophobia will never be acceptable and certainly not suitable for making jokes about.

However in my opinion I’d confused myself, sexism has nasty connotations, I’d rather misguidedly made a connection between affectionate good natured observations of women I knew, and sexism in the workplace which is never acceptable!

Boobs 4
Women’s boobs areola and nipples are always fair game!

In my humble opinion, men discussing amongst themselves the joys of a favourite secretary’s ample bosom over-spilling her low cut summer dress, the brief flash of a brown nipple areola, as she leans forward over her desk, will always ALWAYS be acceptable between friends only…….I don’t care what you think they are two totally separate unconnected topics of discussion, boobs tits and ass are fair game πŸ˜€ . F#ck I got to get out the habit of mixing my metaphors, makes me sound like a rather dim Sports presenter off the telly!

Returning tooo book reviews and why I’ve never attempted writing my own personal critique, one reason is, other bloggers seem so much more better equipped to write an honest and truthful review my English being so bad and all, and two I don’t read as many books as I really should. However I religiously read posts written by lovely people I Follow and every single day, the lunch hour at work isn’t wasted. I’ll read short stories, political comment and much more besides and not forgetting one of my favourite themes erotic fiction. If the lady author hasn’t the skill to arouse and excite, get me an erection by the end then her story just isn’t any good πŸ˜‰ , and if she has me throbbing with a bead of precum moistening within my foreskin then she’s pretty much hit the mark, f#ck mixed my metaphors again!

I’ve just this weekend received through my letter box, a book I purchased on-line and delivered via air mail all the many miles from Germany. Why so far? Because I was informed by Waterstone’s Bookshops this book is now out of print and unobtainable from British bookshops (I enquired at several and they all said no). Incidentally I currently have the book sitting alongside my laptop and subject to change I will be reviewing Herge’s ‘TinTin In The Congo’ originally published in 1935, bet you didn’t see that one coming!

Now I’m not taking the p#ss (English phrase) I’ve enjoyed reading TinTin comic strip books ever since I was a young child, but they are now considered not politically correct and certainly unattainable from school reading lists. As for Herge’s African adventure ‘TinTin In The Congo’ even up until just recently you couldn’t wander into a bookshop and choose the title from a children’s bookshelf, no you had to enquire of an assistant, she would point you in the direction out of the Children’s Department and you had to specifically ask at the central information desk.

If the book was in stock another assistant would locate a copy from I guess ‘under the counter’ all because TinTin In The Congo is not on general sale to the public. Then when the assistant finally did present you with a shiny new copy, the un-openable book was sealed within cellophane packaging with a red warning label emblazoned across the front. All this retailing obstruction and silliness is because this particular TinTin adventure, for several reasons both good taste and political, is effectively on a banned book list and further still is now out of print for good. I think?

Now I’m not stupid (arguable) I understand the reasons for withdrawing this adventure from sale, possibly connected to the Islamic terrorist attacks surrounding cartoons of the Prophet Muhammed, and perhaps the publishers got nervous, who knows the real reason but should a children’s cartoon book be banned from sale? Taken out of print? I disagree with censorship of all kinds whether movies or literature, intelligent well balanced adults should be allowed to form their opinions as to a books worth, and certainly without being instructed as to ‘what is’ and ‘what isn’t’ suitable for them to read.

Anyways I have my copy now and to the best of my ability, note the use of the word ability, I will attempt to critique TinTin’s adventures in Central Africa which I fully expect to be little more than a series of near escapes, all good fun. But of course there’s a great deal of political baggage associated to this short cartoon tale, I haven’t read my copy yet so what’s all the fuss about? Racial stereotypes no doubt, ColonialΒ  embarrassment probably, it’s a ‘child of its times’ and no longer relevant apart from an historical document.

But does that mean TinTin In The Congo is a book which should be consigned to a literary trash bin, along with say………. Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf (My Struggle)?Β Perhaps no one apart from myself is that interested, you all have πŸ™‚ busy lives to lead.


Sunday evening Blog thoughts (serious)

Hopefully a little offensive πŸ™‚bouncing_boobs_288x1921

Totally off the cuff, 24/09/2017 @ 23:46 precisely! And not once did I talk about one of the loves of my life namely ladies tits, the droopier they are the better, it means you can fit all the more in your mouth! Aww damn!

I suffer from a syndrome that doesn’t exist and I’ve just this moment dreamt up called ‘This is my final ever post for WordPress’ err syndrome!! You see I’m not a poet, I’m not a book reviewer, I don’t write sexy tales swirling round white girly imaginations about them holidaying in deepest darkest Africa and being captured by a tribe of spear throwing men wearing tiger skin underpants, then taking the slip of a girl to their mud hut in the jungle and raping her any way they can! Now hold on!!!

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If U looked at your Stats, has anyone been viewed in North Korea?

A reflective thoughtful Post from Andrew this evening, not forgetting concise! Only 427 words for a change πŸ™‚ I have a nature post coming but with Trump’s finger hovering over the nuclear button North Korea was on my mind.

the-internetIndulge me just this once a post where I delve a little deeper into my WordPress blog, we’re discussing statistics! I know there’s ‘nothing more boring than writing a blog about blogging!’ (I read that somewhere) but do you consider my question thought provoking? Are you being viewed in that most secretive of Countries North Korea?

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Sunday Roast with Mum. St. Peter and his blessed gates!

A work colleague and very good friend once said to me “Andrew the trouble with you is you think tooo much”, and do you know what, the more I learn and the longer I live I’m convinced overthinking is part of a human being’s DNA, you cannot change the way you are genetically programmed can you. A thought crossed my mind the other day, I do hope readers don’t think my posts are taken from my old blog or worse still penned years ago! Nope, every clumsily written Post is idly dreamt up at work and drafted a day or so before publishing. I’ve been thinking of stopping for a while, don’t get me wrong I adore WordPress and I WILL MOST definitely continue reading the bloggers I follow because I enjoy them tooo much, the only downside is their talented use of language and composition shows up my inadequacies as a writer or perhaps it’s a lack of ideas? You see my life is empty and uncomplicated when I should strive and strive again to fill it with joy, I can’t help thinking my inability to meet a female, become friends, marry or partner up will haunt me till my dying day………… but that’s ok, that’s life I guess, I have a LOT to be thankful for but I get this awful dreaded premonition over thinking may have screwed my whole life up! Come the fateful day when I reach those pearly gates and St. Peter says “So Andrew what have you done with your life my friend?”Β  I’ll answer “Not a lot Peter, you see I squandered it, I wasted that most precious of gifts time itself” and yes St. Peter will be angry, I’m sure it’ll be anger and not pity such a disgusting trait feeling sorry for oneself. Yep I fucked up big time and I never did get to have sexual intercourse in a car, that’s a big regret, love making in a car may not seem that important to you but it’s a major rights of passage between apprentice engineers electricians and practical young men, God the stories and b*llsh*t I’ve had to listen to lunch break after lunch break, lurid tales lavished by thirty of the greatest seventeen year old lads you could ever hope to meet, amazing disclosures explaining the complexities of getting a girls knickers off in the back seat of his first car, let alone the mountain that is giving the young lady a right good seeing to, surely position cowgirl in a mini metro is a physical impossibility? Or maybe a BJ is nearer the truth πŸ˜€ some of life’s more memorable stories are born of comradery. I’ve slept with quite a few women in my life, fourteen to be exact (is that above average?), but casual internet relationships and the like don’t count do they, (perhaps I’ve been far tooo honest here this past two years, distasteful even, disgusted readers). Where was I, yes true love is finding a good woman, however there’s another popular definition of love favoured by many bloggers, namely ‘soul mates’, turns out finding your soul mate is love’s Holy Grail, no? Perhaps you’ve been reading the wrong blogs then, but seriously finding one’s soul mate happens πŸ™‚ ………… where was I? Yes that flipping St. Peter……….perhaps come my fateful judgement day, it’ll finally dawn on me I should have spent my life believing in a God instead of being so dismissive of religion and spirituality, would a belief in a higher being, a supreme creator have cured me of my apathy, regrets and thoughts of missed opportunities, squandering gifts God given, not taking risks may have cost me dear? In my defence the odd lucky break would have been appreciated, I’ve never fully come to terms or coped well living with my drug resistant epilepsy this past twenty five years, not withstanding ‘the however many years that still remain’, that’s the real killer……………………….. :/ trouble is I don’t believe in a God, hmm this is a very self indulgent post but hey my blog and all that. For what it’s worth I’m convinced the real point to life is wait for it! The meaning of life ‘is to love and be loved’, simple as, without love living is meaningless and yes pointless, you may just as well be dead because your soul will be. My brother has a wife with children, I try not to envy him but increasingly I kinda do πŸ™‚ they’re such fabulous witty fun loving boys, the family all love each other and I’d bet M. and J. (parents) don’t wake up on a morning and throw the towel in, they can’t can they! There’s mouths to feed, clothes to pay for and they’re both blessed with love and fun that comes with having children.

Best stop there πŸ™‚

So πŸ˜€ after making clear my posts are original and new, today’s short tale is taken from Sunday last and I’d agree it’s not the most riveting of reads lol, however it’s honest to the core….and brief πŸ™‚

The dinner plate of delicious looking food below is often referred to as Britain’s traditional English Sunday roast dinner, and that particular one in the photograph was captured at my mother’s last Sunday lunch time, but please note the choice of meat can vary, perhaps pork chicken or my absolute favourite lamb with mint sauce! Wow what a combination!!!

So there you are, my dinner consisted of roast beef, roast potatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, runner beans (growing in her garden fifteen minutes earlier) and two Yorkshire puddings and not for getting gravy made from the meat juices…………yum yum.

July 2017 046

…………… the photo below taken by me show’s mum stirring the gravy…………

July 2017 047
Mum making the gravy and Holly

…………and the photo below shows me washing up after we’ve eaten!

July 2017 050
Holly the Collie and me washing up afterwards

So a question for you, πŸ™‚ who gets the better deal, me having a Sunday roast made for me by mum? Or mum taking her dog for a long walk down by the river, through the meadows or circling the reservoir nature reserve? Personally I think I get the better deal, mum probably thinks she does because she’s a little arthritis and Holly has boundless energy, mind you two hours exercising in the rain is heavenly fun (hmm inadvertently back to Peter)………….AND don’t forget I do the washing up! πŸ˜€

I can cook for myself, everyone should be able to feed themselves in a civilised society, however I find preparing a meal hassle after a days work, anyways I’ll finish this post on an up note, popping over to mum’s for Sunday roast is richly anticipated and sincerely appreciated once eaten!

Β© Andrew