Happy Thoughts :)

Original and ©Andrew.

f4e4a427e2a315c58d0fbe1bd7bb04d2Before I begin my little tale a question for you, is the dictionary definition for the word Hooker universally understood? If not then perhaps this explanation helps, ūüôā Typically a woman who engages in sexual activity for payment.¬†

However, before you whisper to yourself, “Jeeze, as well as watching his neighbour strip in her bedroom, he sees hookers as well? I’m finished with Andrew! ūüėõ “

Hold ON a minute! IMPORTANTLY THIS TALE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME VISITING HOOKERS! I bumped into one that’s all. Ok are we clear?

Midway through writing a serious response post to a French lady living in England another true tale sifted into my mind, amazing how that happens, a remark or observation in turn prompts you to recall a memory you wished to be misplaced, simply because it’s too painful to dwell on. Or maybe a regrettable event you hoped would be forgotten forever!

Other times, and always when you least expect it, a remark a thought will prompt memories of an amusing true tale that you hoped and assumed you’d remember for the rest of you life, a heart warming personal experience that would make you smile when life is so darn boring and predictable that you truly need your spirits lifted. An incident, such as this tale, pricking my imagination into gear as I relived an anecdote that both impressed my work colleagues and literally had them belly laughing!

The day I was propositioned by a hooker.

Maybe not the most earth shattering News you’ve ever read but ask yourselves have you ever had a prostitute ask you for sex? No? Well I have so the tale’s worth telling again, though rather disturbingly the hooker in question seemed to instinctively recognise a possible paying client just by looking at him. ME!!

Hmm :/ , me thinks there’s visual qualities about myself that I’m unaware of?

However I didn’t avail myself of her services but she sure was an interesting story to tell the lads back at work later that day, and then there’s the question if I hadn’t been so na√Įve and slow on the uptake I may have followed her, because I’m an impulsive type of guy………….but I didn’t!

So have you ever been propositioned by a hooker? Or worse still been mistaken for one!

Several summer’s ago my employer instructed me to visit the City of London to go pick up 6 small bronze statues from a metal foundry located in ‘rich and trendy’ Chelsea, you’ll recognise the name, a home to wealthy footballers and Russian oligarchs.

A day trip in works time, paid by your employer, is known in the engineering industry as a jolly, all the more exciting because it’s simply a break from the daily grind of work with expenses and food paid for and best of all your colleagues envy you like hell. ūüėõ

So come the morning in question I go to work as usual, I’m gifted a reasonable financial allowance, say my grinning goodbyes for the day and make for Oxford’s railway Station. Buying my ticket I board a London bound train for the hours journey into Paddington Station, a drab place I’ve visited many times throughout my life being as it’s the London link to the whole West of Great Britain. I’ve travelled through Paddington Station as far back as a small child summer holidaying with my Grandparents.

Anyways returning to my story, I join fellow commuters leaving the train carriage, again buy more tickets and make my way to the Underground tube station, I love the London Underground for the sheer atmosphere and history that near seeps from the Victorian d√©cor. Coupled with the fact in many deep bore stations you find yourself standing on platforms which, 60 years previous, would have been populated by London’s citizens sleeping in rows of bunk-beds all sheltering from falling bombs dropped by Nazi heavy bombers. Then after the ok siren had been sounded they’d climb the hundreds of steps to the surface not knowing if they have a home to go to! These citizens rebuilt a Nation! ūüôā

After a change I finally exited Sloane Square tube station walking out into the bright sunlight of a late summers morning, crowded with people as Capital cities always are especially London being populated by rude impersonal and not so happy looking faces rushing to wherever they have to go, so very different to sedate Oxford with it’s tourists and University students.

So I exit the tube station by turning right onto the pavement, and walking no more than ten paces I near bumped into a young woman blocking my path! She wasn’t begging for money in fact she looked fashionably dressed, slim my height, mid length straight blonde hair wearing a baggy black leather jacket and sheer black tights (not fishnet!) Denim skirt with a hem stopping midway upon her thighs and definitely not tooo short. As for footwear I cannot honestly remember if she wore heals or below the knee boots?

No matter, the point to my description is the lady didn’t appear like your average lol street hooker, not that I’m acquainted with any mind, but I’ve seen Julie Robert’s in Pretty Woman’ a God awful Movie, to comprehend what a prostitute looks like.

So I’m stopped in my tracks by this lady and remember I’m already feeling extremely disorientated, then with a smile she initiates a friendly conversation speaking with an, yes wait for it, East European accent which I’m straining to understand and I find myself answering questions with a “I’m visiting on a day trip”, “I have plenty of time”. In hindsight I now see the lady was playing a quizzing game and I can assure you in no way shape or form do I look like a policeman. ūüėÄ

Then quite bizarrely she starts throwing into our conversation quick fire questions like, “Have you money?”,

“Would you like to come with me?”, and only then with her final,

“I’ll suck!” did the ‘penny finally drop’ and I realised she was a hooker asking if I’d pay for sex!

So Andrew what did you do next? My short and sweet answer is I replied to the young lady a polite but stunned¬†“No”, then I brushed past her and briskly went on my way. As you’d imagine I laughed thinking to myself ‘they’re going to love this story at work’ and they did!

My apologies if you’re disappointed by the ending to my tale, I guess an anti-climax (groan!!) But as I said at the beginning of this post, amusing events such as being propositioned by a hooker are worth remembering because they make you smile and often when you need one. ūüôā

ūüėÄ And sitting here now I can just imagine her sighing to herself,

“Jeeze this guy’s slow on the uptake!”¬†



OMG I’m on Google Street View! (Of sorts)

Original ©Andrew

(This post is themed coincidences and isn’t erotic fiction. Btw not everything I write reaches Blog Andrew!)

Coogle Map 023
Google maps Street View of my house (Photograph courtesy of my Samsung Tablet)

Before I begin this true tale I have an admission, I have to be honest, I’ve known about the existence of these Google Street photos (of my home above) for quite some time, so it’s not as if I’m about to let you in on something that happened yesterday!

Only tonight as I was musing over whether to write a post about my favourite sex position namely The Cowgirl, which could even be titled The Lazy Cowgirl position, but the lady was riding me so energetically that Cowgirl it is! But then I thought writing about Sex positions seems a god awful idea for a post (just wait a week!)

Have you ever gazed at an innocuous unremarkable photograph and thought ‘there’s something more to this picture than meets the eye’, well I experience this feeling EVERY time I gaze at these Google photos of my home, right up until this evening I’d think to myself that white car is relevant to MEE! But why?

Well tonight yet again I was looking at the Google Street photos and these visions of the cowgirl sex position kept flitting across my mind, and all I can say is I’m glad I’m not married or I’d have some serious lying to do because now I know WHY!

The event in question, the Google Pics, takes place early summer 2016!

Let me explain, I’d look at my little home on Google Street time to time, use the widgets and pointers to virtually ‘drive-by’, you’ve all done it, and so strange to see my new double glazing and stone shingle front garden. However when I logged on to the app using my Tablet I couldn’t get the question out of mind,

Who on earth owns that white MINI cabriolet parked

directly outside my house?  

Further still, the MINI must have some connection to myself because it’s parked half on the pavement and my estate is like a ghost Town, no one comes here! I’d look at my digital screens thinking, ‘well none of my neighbours own a MINI’, ‘no one I know is hipster enough to own a cabriolet car’, ‘so who on earth owns it?’

“OH MY GOD!” I shouted, and you may have deduced I’d worked out who the owner was and yes I knew her, she was a lady called Sophie and at the same time Google drove past my house taking photographs, Sophie and I were in bed together. Incidentally the window directly above the MINI is my front bedroom and you can’t see but curtains were drawn,

……….and God’s honest truth, as the Lord is my witness, on my collie dog Holly’s life, at about the same time as these pictures were taken, could have been the same time Sophie was sat on my hips. Yep you read that right, squeezing her tits with both hands as Sophie bounced up and down ‘on me’ like a good girl (age 30!) ūüôā I love Cowgirl sex.

Sophie and I were in bed the moment that photo was taken. For certain

How’s that for a coincidence plus I’m so pleased I’ve finally solved my puzzle! ūüėõ Because I know for fact whilst Sophie’s MINI was outside my house we were in bed together, and yes to answer my own question there IS a little more to these pictures than first meets the eye! Sophie was a casual lover found on the internet and the fact we’re in bed at the same time as Google drove past is pretty amazing! Amazing to me!

Coincidences, funny old world!

‘Cowgirl’ heavenly sex for lazy men.








131 – 50 Questions you’ve Never been asked Tag

©Andrew (I had fun with this one! 131 Posts)

The then British Prime Minister David Cameron eating in my local Indian Restaurant!

Glancing through the list that is My Blog Posts I see it’s six month since I challenged myself to a Tag quiz list. Incidentally I haven’t been Tagged but I did see 50 Questions on a lady’s Blog and my first thought was wow aren’t they quirky interesting questions? Real discussion points you’re neither never going to be asked or more importantly you never enquire of yourself.

Did you know there’s been scientific research carried out, and APPARENTLY the most popular theme for a Post IS you’ve guessed, quiz Tags! True, and I have to agree, and I’d go further it doesn’t really matter what the quiz is about.

(Yikes I’ve just had a thought, hopefully :/ mine is ok?)¬†

1. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CANDLE SCENT? Non perfumed. Whenever I’ve been to a Church Service I’ve never enjoyed the scent they give off!

2. WHAT FEMALE CELEBRITY DO YOU WISH WAS YOUR SISTER? None, I couldn’t imagine anything worse, but growing up I always thought having a big sister would be nice.

3. WHAT MALE CELEBRITY DO YOU WISH WAS YOUR BROTHER? None, I couldn’t imagine anything worse, I’m quite content having a younger brother ‚̧

4. HOW OLD DO YOU THINK YOU‚ÄôLL BE WHEN YOU GET MARRIED? Crikey! I have a strong sense I’ll never get married but I’d love to live with a partner. Do I suffer from a fear of commitment?

5. DO YOU KNOW A HOARDER? Me! And I hate myself for amassing¬†‘stuff” I neither need or require. I’d love to live in one of those little Japanese houses and leave clutter behind!

6. CAN YOU DO A SPLIT? You must be frigging joking! ūüėÄ

7. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LEARNT HOW TO RIDE A BIKE? Possibly 7? But I remember my Dad running behind holding the saddle pushing.

8. HOW MANY OCEANS HAVE YOU SWAM IN? Of the 6 only 1, the Atlantic.

9. HOW MANY COUNTRIES HAVE YOU BEEN TO? Ireland, France, Italy for a day, Greek Islands. Hmm :/ not many is it!

10. IS ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY IN THE ARMY? Hmm nope, except my two Grandfather’s fought in WW2, 3 Great Grandfathers fought in WW1, 1 Great Grandfather in the Boer War, Orange River Colony.

11. WHAT WOULD YOU NAME YOUR DAUGHTER IF YOU HAVE ONE? Hmm none, though I’ve always like a Sophie perhaps because I went out with a Sophie.

12. WHAT WOULD YOU NAME YOUR SON IF YOU HAD ONE? Hmm not once in my life have I given this any thought? One HELL of a responsibility to name a child.

13. WHAT’S THE WORST GRADE YOU GOT ON A TEST? Ungraded! At age14, after 1 year’s studying I failed Religious Education. Consequently I got into a LOT of trouble.

14. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD? A children’s Show named¬†Blue Peter, only because¬†the female Presenter ūüėČ wore tight tee shirts.

15. WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS ON HALLOWEEN WHEN YOU WERE EIGHT? Halloween isn’t such a big deal in the UK as it is in America.

Read More »

Introduction to ‘A Lady Called Jen’

A fun prelude post ūüôā

Hopefully you’ll have read ’email friendships with other bloggers Part 1 if not here’s the link¬†part 2 follows directly after this post.

Jen the lady blogger I met in person and the tale of our day together follows in part 2.

NOT that boobs are important to my tale ūüėÄ but you may wish to know I lightly stroked Jen’s bra by accident! You see after our farewell embrace on the train platform, as our two body’s separated, as my arms pulled away from hugging her, my fingers brushed the sides of her bra cups feeling the lacy fabric beneath. You see I’d fallen for Jen :/ but alas she hadn’t fallen for me anyways I’d become a little emotional at the station and I guess that’s why I unintentionally¬†‘touched her’ ūüėČ .

Not to worry we both laughed afterwards, in fact she reminded me of this lady below ūüėČ

‘Big and mature’ just how I like my women!

Andrew (I do try my best with these posts ūüėÄ )


Peeing in the shower (JFF & NOT explicit)

Important message.
This afternoon I’ve been chatting with my fabulous 9 year old nephew and he tells me ‘The Emoji Move: Express Yourself’ is “absolute pants!” Incidentally Rotten Tomatoes approved tomatometer critics give this movie a 10% positive review, so lol you’ve been duly warned ūüėÄ

Wet-beach-men-guys-in-gear-naked-ass-jocks-shower-bath-kissing-pool-muscle-speedo- gym-gay-sex-peeing-water-sports-gif-locker-room-piss-Oh yes my post Peeing in the shower! Where shall we begin and note there’s NO imagery this is just for fun!

I haven’t published a JFF post for a while, plus I’m feeling a little hmm :/ , so I thought why not write something hopefully ‘entertaining’ yet at the same time make a serious point.

Now hold on before you leave me, ūüôā I know I’m prone to writing ‘unusually themed’ posts, an understatement if ever there was one, but believe me or not ‘Peeing in the shower’ is a serious topic for discussion amongst politicians and public health officials across many Countries, especially if they have water shortage problems.

So with water conservation in mind I thought why not discuss, try and convince you, plus share a few photographs of men taking showers I found along the way, makes a welcome change from seeing naked women. ūüôā

Read More »

Susie Dent’s video guide to swearing…….

A light hearted post for lovers of the English spoken word © Andrew

Recently Susie Dent (I’ll explain who she is further down) was approached by her employers ‘Channel 4 television’ to research and narrate a series of videos for YouTube, incidentally a website you’ll find me when I’m not hanging around WordPress, the TV company asked Susie to make several videos tracing the origins of what’s commonly referred to as English swear words.

Now before you leave me, I agree the words C**T S**T and F**K shouldn’t be used in everyday conversation! However remember you’ll find each word, also their countless meanings usage and definitions in the English dictionary so they are as relevant as any other in the English Language, and in the case of the highly taboo C**T this swear word can be traced back many hundreds of years.

So yes I’d agree with you if you said swearing is awful uncouth and lazy, but as someone who regularly uses the F bomb I quite enjoyed watching the linked videos narrated and produced by the gorgeous and very VERY sexy Susie Dent.

Btw doesn’t she have a fabulous voice!

So who is Susie Dent I hear you ask?

Here in the UK we have a very popular daytime quiz show called ‘Countdown’, but don’t worry about the show, enough to say the game revolves around choosing unknown consonants and vowels so as to make up a dictionary word, the longer the word you come up with the more points you win! Btw I don’t watch television! Awful invention!

Returning to my original question, Susie Dent is an English lexicographer and etymologist and resident expert in Countdown’s ‘Dictionary Corner’, incidentally until this evening I didn’t know what an etymologist did for a living, which is a pretty disgraceful admittance for anyone who likes to call themselves a blogger!!!

Etymologist def. – studies the history of words, their origins, and how their form and meaning have changed over time.

You may be aware I’m a little obsessed with women on Blog Andrew, the majority of my posts seem to derive from observing the fair sex and her femininity ……….oh and not forgetting my sex life! Perhaps it’s because I’m single that I find women so captivating and fascinating creatures, :/ yet they confuse and mystify me in equal measures? So if any reader wondered who Andrew’s ideal woman is, I know you don’t but humour me, Susie Dent is the lady who quickens my pulse and makes ‘me hard and my bits tingle’.

Now I’ll refrain from being over familiar and coarse in this JFF post except to say in my humble opinion intelligence is an appealing and very sexy quality in a woman and Susie has sex appeal in abundance!¬†

I digress, where was I? Oh yes Ms. Dent, if you stopped a man in the street and asked him to describe Susie Dent they’d probably say Countdown first and ‘thinking man’s crumpet’ second, and for all you bloggers who reside outside the UK the word ‘crumpet’ refers to ‘a sexually attractive lady!’

Thinking man’s crumpet¬†def. –¬† a humorous term for a person who is popular with the opposite sex because of their intelligence and their physical attractiveness.

COUNTDOWN – Susie Dent
COUNTDOWN – Susie Dent

…….. and now the very English swear word B****Y!

………and now for Susie Dent’s ‘The Real Origins of C**T!

Andrew ūüôā

Masturbation, Facebook Twitter and Instagram, a Greek holiday tale, thoughts AND THANK YOU

thanks-lady-bug(Thank you to the 4 ladies for commenting¬†yesterday¬†ūüôā However I decided to delete the/your replies¬†basically because I wouldn’t want someone to read this :/ ‘amusing post’ with very adult themes then forward to your blog, the internet being the internet and all that, my choice, perhaps you have second thoughts also?¬†Like I said your comments were¬†ūüôā appreciated (very)¬†and¬†useful as regards¬†twitter and facebook and Instagram…….. anyways you get the idea. If a post is good enough (haha whatever that means), entertaining enough then¬†people will like,¬†the post was just for fun anyway. TY

ūüėģ ūüôā ūüėÄ ūüė¶ ūüėČ (awesome¬†for a sex blogger) ūüėõ XD¬†:/ >:D ūüė°¬† ūüėē o_O ūüė≥ ūüôĄ ūüėé ^^’ ‚̧

Btw aren’t Emojis the best invention EVER!¬†Seriously, they’re awesome add one yellow smilie¬†to a sentence and it sets your emotions alight, and the iPhone Emojis are even MORE FABULOUS!!! Did you know they’re the product of texting in olden days when a phone message had so few characters users¬†resorted to LMAO LMFAO……….

But I hate LOL, why? Is anyone actually Laughing Out Loud? My niece say lol within a spoken sentence, strange but adorable. Andrew)

Yesterday’s Post

I’m always curious as to why a blog falls silent, not because I’m nosey I’m just curious, have they gone ghost or finished forever? Especially interested if I’ve enjoyed Following. I’ve been on WP 2 years now, 2 years is a long time but¬†I do lack inspiration which is fine,¬†perhaps I ask to much of a simple free website? (I do) I may take a break. Anyways thank you for each view like and comment, you made me so happy.

If you¬†didn’t consider¬†my ‘writing¬†varied eclectic¬†and haphazardly ‘all over the place’ before this Post¬†then¬†you haven’t read this one yet.

My first and only Re blog……….. 60 Likes!

A blogging observation¬†which¬†really did catch me unawares,¬†:/ an age thing, and¬†I’m surprised it’s taken SO long for the ‘penny to drop’ when WordPress gives us the¬†sharing tools …………. yes I speak of clicking those tiny icons which send you to Twitter and Facebook! Duh so obvious.facebook-twitter-instagram-2

‘WordPress is pants¬†as regards social interaction (if you’re not very good), you have to be on Twitter!’

I didn’t write that btw, they’re not my words,¬†whoever did¬†goes top of the class and at the same time proving I’m slow on the pick up, social media adds an extra dimension to WP.

If I decide to take¬†a break I’ll continue to scroll my¬†Reader,¬†my imagination¬†requires it’s daily¬†fix of amusement and intellectual stimulation to ever walk away, I watch little TV the internet is far more fun. Here’s a thought, whoever coined the phrase ‘self abuse’ as an alternative¬†description and deranged idea masturbating is bad for you?¬†Must have been those two faced Victorians who’s¬†values Margaret Thatcher said we should¬†return back to. B#ll sh#t what values?¬†The ones¬†that¬†branded Charles Dickens a criminal, placed him in debtors prison just because he found himself on hard times, thank God for a Welfare State.

Time for adult themes, (there has to be with me, some¬†like and they’re fun to make), as always if¬†at least one person enjoys then I’m truly happy ūüôā )

Def masturbation– Stimulation of the genitals with the hand for sexual pleasure


“There are two kinds of people in the world, those who masturbate and those who lie!”


Wanking! An unusual habit all those tingly sensations and waves of pleasure, I’m immature lol, playing with oneself does fascinate me, always has done, all aspects and God knows¬†why it’s scorned upon? There’s loads of¬†medical benefits and more.

I read that¬† ‘2 kinds of….’ gem in a borrowed copy of GQ Magazine and¬†for some reason it’s one of those useless pieces of information that attaches itself to a brain synapse or whatever and will never shift or disappear………… I probably¬†have all my neurological brain biology mixed up but you get the idea.

:/ Humour me, sex amuses the child in me.

Like I said I¬†won’t write a Post, yes playing with oneself is incredibly pleasurable but more importantly clinicians and psychiatrists say masturbation is good for ones general health and mental well being, that¬†idea fascinates me, you know all those pleasure giving chemicals serotonin and dopamine being released from the brain making me high, so powerful they produce orgasmic sensations men spend the rest of¬†their lives¬†trying to recapture. Being serious for a moment,¬†did you¬†know¬†masturbating flushes the¬†prostate gland of¬†stale semen (think about¬†that astounding fact for a second, could¬†fresh semen give you prettier more intelligent¬†babies?

Men¬†have¬†to Wank daily,¬†how else do¬†they rid themselves¬†of aging tadpoles, hey? AND we’re¬†knowledgably informed¬†‘unused’ ‘past the sell date¬†cum’ could be linked to prostate cancer, not forgetting ‘playing’ is the safest form of sex, no STD’s. In women masturbation can help prevent cervical infections and urinary tract infections through the process of ‚Äútenting,‚Ä̬†or the opening of the cervix that occurs as part of the arousal process. (Googled)


So there you are, healthy for mind and good for the soul, and doesn’t send you blind¬†ūüėÄ . Here’s a tale,¬†I once knew a¬†lady who said when she was a small girl, her mother would smell her fingers and¬†‘tap’ the back of¬†her hand. True, no violence or malice, just disapproving AND that lady wasn’t scarred for life, she thought it¬†very funny.

Improved Health and Mental wellbeing, safe sex and pleasurable, seriously why do certain Christian Preachers teach children masturbation is wrong? Madness!

Serious subject pleasuring oneself, there’s a whole Series there,¬†NO.

ENOUGH!!! (I honestly hope I’ve never¬†offended anyone)

Are you bored yet?

She’s surprisingly similar actually

Enough silliness, but masturbation thoughts are most welcome!

You’ve twisted my arm, I’ll tell you a true tale.¬†Quite a few years ago I was on holiday sitting on a sandy beach in the Greek Islands,¬†staring out across the Mediterranean Sea, a low Autumn sun shining above the horizon and practically all by myself. Short story short, my Brother and I had words, he went for a scooter ride to cool off and I sat cross legged wondering what an earth I’d done wrong?

Siblings can be together for just so long.

Then all a sudden a young lady woke me from the day dream by throwing her towel on to the sand a few metres away, quite startled me in fact, and no word of a lie I glanced up and down the beach and I can still visualize now,¬†the lady¬†was on her own¬†the beach was empty¬†and this beautiful young blonde was¬†rolling out her large towel a few metres from me……..WTF? She never said a word, never looked at me, didn’t seem aware I existed, invisible I was! Why so near me when the beach was empty?

(Remember I’m always honest, ūüôā )

At the time and all these years later all I can¬†assume¬†is this single young lady, late twenties, felt more comfortable¬†sitting¬†close¬†to another tourist rather than on her own,¬†and just enough distance to make plain we weren’t an item, safety in numbers have you will! That’s the best I can come up with :/ she wasn’t picking me up, she fancied a day on the beach but didn’t want to be all on her own. Any problem and I could have saved her. Seriously.

So she sits down on the towel¬†also looking out to sea, rummages through her bag, takes out a bottle of suntan lotion, places it beside her then starts to undress! Frigging incredible! And still she doesn’t¬†glance my direction¬†or utter a word, so strange. Cotton dress unbuttoned, that’s tossed away and unbelievably sat only metres away is a slim beautiful twenty something blonde lady wearing a skimpy two piece red bikini! Then¬†she begins to¬†smooth suntan lotion onto her arms and legs.

Passions rising!

Ten minutes ago I’m having an argument with my brother, five minutes ago I’m daydreaming looking out to sea, NOW this bikini clad lady¬†lies¬†back on her bath towel, closes her eyes, and there we both are two strangers on an empty beach,¬†silent still and enjoying the warm late autumn sun!

Note these are¬†the days before iPhones mp3 and earbuds, with nothing to occupy her mind I guess she lay¬†day dreaming¬†and my dick became hard and long, my heart was racing my breath quickening, and you’ve guessed I was¬†excited. Amazing how one loses inhibitions when aroused, you take risks, brain chemicals and sex drive blur sane judgement. So what did you do next Andrew? I did what every sexually excited male would do, I¬†silently drew my knees forward grabbed a towel¬†to cover my waist and thighs then as quiet as¬†I could¬†wiggled my bottom and pull my shorts and pants down.

And all the while she lay serenely relaxed eyes closed, not a care in the world, oblivious to this panting English Tourist sat metres away one hand under towel, holding his dick masturbating himself IMPORTANTLY all the while staring at her gorgeous near naked body,only red bra and briefs for modesty.

Still to this day I close my eyes and see this gorgeous young blonde babe as if by photograph, all I can think now is¬†surely I can’t have been THAT silent! You know breathless gulping and panting, well after a minute or so, yep that quick I came hard onto the sand between my legs, surely she heard me climax? Nope¬†at no point did she turn and look or open her eyes, ūüėÄ what if she had, clocked a tourist knocking one off staring at her breasts…………….could have been an interesting scene if my brother had come back.

I was spent and satisfied but can’t for the life remember what happened next, not a clue, I’d guess she went her way and I went mine, ok¬†not a riveting story but unusual.¬†Note I do realise these days a wanking man would be arrested and get 5 years for gross indecency, quite right to, doing disgusting acts like that in¬†full view of watching women is sexual assault, and knowingly sadistic! Yes. BUT I still consider ‘mine’ was all very innocent (first and last), if she’d looked she may have guessed¬†and at¬†worst she’d have kicked sand in my face! ūüėÄ

So have you ever masturbated outdoors? (As if anyone would answer ūüėÄ )

Facebook Twitter Instagram and your WordPress

fbtwitterQuickly returning¬†to Social Media, first off for no apparent reason I’d like to make clear I’m NOT on FB and don’t do Twitter! At my age you must be joking, never have and never will, truthfully speaking I can’t help musing there’s something a little creepy about¬†grown¬†men having a facebook account, boys yes, men no,¬†there you are just an opinion. Don’t get me wrong social media is a¬†great idea but the revolution’s passed me by…….mind you Twitter’s good if you’re famous, start a petition to get Stephen Fry back I say,¬†my sister in law is on FB, helps her unwind of an evening after¬†the kids go to bed.¬†

Oh yes where was I, thoughts of social media. For several weeks now I’ve become¬†increasingly aware the majority of bloggers¬†I Follow link their WordPress to Instagram Facebook and Twitter accounts and this has me¬†asking myself¬†why do I¬†have a WordPress? The lack of social interaction here does make me unhappy. I need to get out more, I’m a stranger to you ūüôā I need a lay!

Don’t judge me yet, I’m so pleased when ladies reply and say Hi when I comment, an erotic poetess says my comments always make her smile, she says I have a funny turn of phrase and it’s such a pleasure others appreciate my honesty. One woman even wrote me a profile for an internet dating website, lots of encouragement and tips, she said stay clear of bs and you’ll do well, but ūüė¶ of course I never did…………… she’d have been disappointed after doing all that for me. Oh well.

So Bloggers post then Tweet¬†their friends with¬†the link. Common sense! A¬†true community of friends interacting, would be nice but no that’s for the ‘kids’ and mums/moms………¬†like I said I don’t, I publish and well I’m depressing myself now ūüė¶

So are there any conclusions to be made here, no, lol you decide and please don’t ever take my posts tooo seriously, people seem to Like me

I’m WELL aware I sound ungrateful ūüė¶ , I’m NOT , NO,¬†I’ve met so many wonderful people from across the Globe¬†and yes some¬†have become ‘internet friends’, (strangers still) and¬†who recognise my rather unusual truthful honest¬†way of expressing myself,¬†and I’m extremely pleased to have yes lol interacted with you and your blog writing ūüôā I hope no ones been offended by¬†my silly little Posts or my honest comments.

Incidentally my stats say¬†someone in China has been viewing my blog ūüôā I’m so curious which post they looked at? Housing estate Walnut Tree? Autumn Leaves photo? Downton Abbey? My balls in briefs? Oxford’s ‘Gropecunt Lane? My mum’s collie?

I’ll still Follow.

That’s enough now, amazing where a couple of hours and a¬†meandering stream of consciousness takes me.

¬© Andrew ūüôā ‚̧

Tablet camera test (MALE NUDITY!)

ūüėĬ†Now hold on and listen before you get your knickers all in a twist,¬†and yes¬†that’s me¬†gazing out my bedroom window, but please read on¬†and give me a chance to explain why I¬†think showing¬†these pictures¬†is¬†fine and reasonable.

I’m an exhibitionist at heart, not the best looking bloke in the world however here’s a thing, undressing naked¬†in front of women I haven’t known long doesn’t worry me in the slightest,¬†and as for¬†my selfies? Yes I’ll admit they’re staged, but¬†I do gaze out my bedroom window once in a blue moon, I’m not adverse to watching a thunder and lightening display or snow flakes passing my window on a cold winter’s night. (When we get some I’ll post pictures).

Where was I? Oh yes my naked selfies or the part where I make¬†a case for not being¬†unusual or odd, I wouldn’t argue though!¬†Short and sweet, I took the pictures because¬†I have a brand new Samsung¬†tablet (true) and wanted to test the¬†camera’s image quality,¬†a lame answer I know, but¬†I do have a new android tablet ūüôā .

A little about my previous blog, many MANY months ago I would participate in a¬†photographic blog¬†meme?¬†by the name of¬†Sinful Sunday, and if pushed I’d call¬†our photographs¬†a sexier interpretation of WordPress’s Daily Prompt. Anyone could take part and here’s how,¬†briefly every Wednesday¬†a lady called Molly would¬†suggest a themed word,¬†then the following Sunday we’d all submit artistic tasteful naked photos (selfies) which¬†were a theme of her¬†word. Molly on the Sunday would¬†post the 40 or so entries on her blog (with blog links) and¬†choose¬†her winner! (I won just the once¬†but there was NO prize…………….prizes create competition envy and disappointment.)

So here’s a question am I worried¬†my pictures¬†could become a meme and go viral?¬†I really can’t see that happening! More importantly¬†if you’ve read the WordPress guidelines?¬†Have you? If you¬†have read you’ll know to WordPress’s credit, they allow explicitly written stories for adults to write if they wish, also allow¬†consenting adults to be risqu√© if they wish and that’s fantastic, so¬†if mine go viral,¬†…..it’ll be interesting if nothing else. Lol quite a nice ass for my age don’t you think?¬†ūüôā apparently a guys cheek muscles recede with age, consequently leaving him with a bony ass………so they say, sue me lol, I first read of that fact in an English Newspaper accompanied by a photo of Ronnie Wood.

Anyways¬†participating in¬†Molly’s photographic blog was fun for a while, also¬†everyone¬†posted within¬†WP¬†guidelines namely¬†NO sexual acts, NO genitals and¬†all entrants had to be over age 18. And if someone for example had submitted outside¬†her written guidelines and rules,¬†Molly was within her rights¬†to report to WordPress and quite rightly so!

Recalling all those months¬†back, I did kind of look forward to Sunday mornings and see my entry,¬†just as importantly¬†view¬†other people’s interpretations¬†of¬†Molly’s word prompt,¬†so you may ask,¬†how far did everyone go? Honestly, nothing more than ‘boobs and ass’, they could be black and white , colour,¬†pictured out in the countryside (not me), or artistic poses in the bathroom, basically where ever¬†your imagination would take¬†you……..and as we all know blogging attracts skilled writers and intelligent readers, well put it this way participants were in truth¬†middle aged, mature, with¬†body’s having seen better days.

Here is a fact for you, 95% of Sinful Sunday picture bloggers were in fact women and I remember questioning myself is a guy¬†taking his clothes off¬†any different to a nude lady?¬†Are we dictated to by¬†double standards? A¬†world where a lady showing her boobs is more socially and morally acceptable than a naked guy? Personally speaking I’ve never taken a dick picture in my life, nor would I, forwarding dick pictures seems so sad and I have to ask what is the point,¬†dicks look horrible and wrinkly anyway!

So here’s an updated photo of Molly’s prompt called RAIN…….I’ve Titled¬†‘Watching Rain’ (even though I’m not).

Watching Rain?

I’ve seen worse asses¬†but I won’t be taking part again, and I promise this’ll be a first and last naked picture you’ll see of¬†me on Blog Andrew. ūüôā

For some reason my bedroom tinged blue? Oh and I love my lamp from Amazon

These nine photographs below are taken¬†by a 10 second repeat timer and yes I love my new tablet. Finally if they made you smile I’m happy if your disgusted that’s fine……and a wtf will probably be nearer the mark,¬†:/ perhaps I am insecure at heart and just enjoyed the attention?

¬© Andrew ūüôā

51 – The lady at the bus stop. Pt 2 (of 2)

Continued………………… (Please don’t confuse my 2 tales, remember the lady I met last Wednesday, we DIDN’T have sex at a bus stop! That’s another story)


‘……sex, fun, laughter and cuddles¬†over we went our separate ways, after all¬†the evening¬†was only¬†ever ‘one night sex’,¬†yes I know I’d said¬†I like to¬†meet her again but¬†I doubt it, NO!…………… ūüėÄ ….I desperately¬†want to¬†tell all but I promised myself earlier best¬†to be discreet¬†and not kiss and tell, so nothing of our evening and quite right tooo even though I enjoy writing about sex, best left, enough said! So after a lovely evening together I let myself out of her electronically controlled front door into a freezing¬†pitch black late December evening,¬†and yes Oxford was more than a little cold last Wednesday with a dusting of¬†white powdered frost adhered to car windscreens. After a couple of minutes walking alongside a busy main road I made out the figure of someone small standing at a bus stop ahead, I have epilepsy and don’t drive so public transport being very good in Oxford, whichever direction I walked tonight I knew¬†I’d come across one¬†soon enough, then jump aboard a bus that’ll¬†take me into town.

As I approached the bus¬†stop lit only by¬†a street lamp¬†illuminating a dull orange glow onto the figure beneath, with every step forward¬†the person became clearer,¬†so much so by the time I reached the stop I could see she was in fact, yes¬†a lady! Aged 40’ish with¬†an¬†attractive face, dark hair and Oxford being so multicultural¬†these days¬†I just knew she wasn’t English. Her appearance apart I also¬†realised she was¬†wearing a rather worried expression¬†across her face and I think I¬†understood why, several months ago, only 200 metres from this point a girl had been abducted and raped, so seeing her standing alone still surprises me¬†even now¬†because ever since¬†the rape police have instructed women not to walk the streets alone at night, err maybe that’s why she was so nervous and visibly apprehensive. Thinking¬†about it¬†witnessing me approaching out of the gloom then¬†stopping right in front of her must have been lol chilling, rapist or not I could have robbed¬†verbally abused¬†or assaulted her…………you should read the Oxford Mail, a lot’s¬†been happening recently.

I didn’t!

Writing here and now I’m unsure who struck up our conversation first, no idea and it¬†doesn’t really matter or does it?¬†Anyway acquaintances made¬†for the next 15 minutes or so we made¬†small talk, chatted about those inconsequential silly things in life that strangers talk about, you know how cold we were, the costs of living in Oxford, infrequent buses not running to schedule, ‘silly old me’ stories always so adorable……….. and as time¬†ticked by¬†she visibly relaxed, even smiling with¬†occasional laughter. And we learnt a little more about each other such as she had a hard evening’s work ahead of her, apparently after taking a bus into town¬†she then had¬†to¬†take a bus out again¬†to one of the surrounding villages for what I can gather was¬†her cleaning job, hard work and yes I was correct she wasn’t English, that’s¬†fine by me btw, and at a guess I would say she was Spanish, I’m probably way off but she was of Mediterranean descent.

So there we were making small talk having a right ole jolly time, she’s friendly and personable and I’m being my usual polite self smiling and chatty. We’re told within three minutes we can judge whether we like someone or not and¬†well I’m an open book, what you see is what you get, so know doubt by now she’d¬†have¬†worked out I’m a pleasant good natured guy and definitely never a¬†threat, further still¬†if someone nasty had approached I would have looked out for her.

After 15 minutes getting to know each other the bus comes into view stopping¬†alongside us, surprising to me¬†whilst boarding¬†the bus¬†she’s still¬†chatting, then¬†she pays seating herself¬†several rows into the bus, I show my pass, follow¬†and involuntarily as I always do,¬†walk right past her sitting further at the rear. Yep I pass her by, happens all the time, nothing there you might think and you’re probably correct, always Correct! But on this occasion as the bus pulled away¬†a feeling of dread flooded over me, should I have sat down next to her and carried on chatting?¬†I think I should have, this evenings circumstances seemed a little different¬†yet¬†true to form, quite unwittingly I’d sat somewhere else,¬†I hadn’t taken¬†the chance to be well just sociable! What¬†am I¬†supposed to do now? Nervous is my character and I hadn’t meant anything by walking by…….. but too late now, f#ck, my¬†indifference must have appeared rudeness.¬†Yep I left¬†her¬†in peace¬†our brief human interaction at an end, which¬†after all¬†ha been¬†little¬†more than relaxed social banter, and¬†no doubt she’s¬†happy and relieved not¬†to be standing¬†alone in the dark next to a road busy with cars driving past.¬†‘Yes’ I say to myself, she’s probably not given me a second thought sitting behind her. OR¬†should I have¬†taken the risk of overstaying my welcome by moving and sitting next to her? Bothering her have you will, annoying her, misreading an earlier¬†human interaction as a brief encounter we all enjoy¬†every single day and repeated thousands of¬†times a day.

:/ I should’ve sat next to her!!!!

Now please understand¬†what I’m about to¬†say next is intended as tongue in cheek, not at all to be taken seriously, but I ask what if she was the one? What if this friendly Spanish lady who’d enjoyed our safe convivial conversation¬†moments earlier had been the ONE for me? What if she was sitting there a front of me hoping I’d sat alongside her¬†continuing to chat¬†where she’d left off, or perhaps she’d instantly forgotten me occupying her thoughts with the hard evening’s work ahead¬†perhaps¬†money to earn for her children’s Christmas presents? But¬†of course I’ll never know will I,¬†I never sat next to her, in order to find out what happens next¬†in our lives¬†we have to take emotional rational risks or you end up single middle aged lonely and living on your own………like me! I know lol sad in so many ways, I should have warned you but as I said I wasn’t going to write this post.

So all these evenings later let’s just put¬†our warmth and friendliness down to Wednesday’s circumstances or whatever, as for saying maybe she was the one, think of that silly statement as all tongue in cheek.¬†However true life brief encounters do happen and¬†sometimes they do end in love,¬†silly talk I know but if there is a moral to this tale then it must be “seize the day!”

Ok I know having¬†thoughts dilemmas¬†and questions such as these could drive¬†a man¬†insane,¬† so just¬†understand¬†I’m an¬†extremely sensible guy, all day everyday I talk with women, married or female students¬† and I never confuse friendliness for romance, after all¬†crossing paths or working with the fair sex is well life itself!¬†I’m a chatty small talk sort of guy, whether the woman sat¬†at a supermarket checkout or¬†the young lady sat next to me on a train who shared her sweets on our journey to Leeds, (and note I wasn’t giving sweets to unknown women got make that clear lol these days!)¬†Where was¬†I , oh yes thoughts of interacting with women, happens all the time without¬†thoughts of love ever entering my mind, but tonight this Spanish lady seemed, well¬†a little¬†different.

Perhaps her humour friendliness smiles and willingness to talk was shear relief! Perhaps she’d been frightened to death seeing me approach out of the gloom then¬†breathed an almighty sigh of relief¬†on seeing¬†I was a nice guy, unthreatening and friendly¬†her knowing¬†Oxford¬†is now¬†such a dangerous City. But f#ck what if she’d hoped I’d sat down next to her, chatted for a few¬†minutes longer, you never know this pleasant middle aged man may have made an impression on her by the time we’d reached our final destination? The trouble with me is I’m a hopeless romantic¬†perhaps I’ve seen the movie ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ one tooo many times.

I know I know introspective thoughts like these¬†are pointless and questions of ‘what might have been’ could like I said¬†drive a man insane, but perhaps¬†tonight has been a wake up call, a good lesson……….. hmmm me thinks it’s time¬†I should¬†take a walk in the fresh air!

…………….finally you may be wondering, ‘Andrew the lady you had sex with earlier, is she¬†not your soul mate?’ Good question which deserves a non flippant answer……… I’d like to tell more but some things are better left unsaid except to say¬†we should never confuse sex with being in¬†love, to the point perhaps you shouldn’t have sex with someone unless you truly love them¬†and vice versa….best I can do I’m afraid.’

Written last night, all very embarrassing ūüôā Andrew

50 – The lady at the bus stop. Pt 1 (of 2)

Tabby-GirlAtBusStop.jpgAfter first titling¬†my post ‘Sex and a lady at the bus stop’, I’ve just remembered I have a tale to tell which in fact involves sex AT a bus stop!…….Hmmm that’s a story for some other time but alas I didn’t f#ck her behind that skip¬†after she’d finished with my friends……….. one of the biggest regrets of my life, I had the chance, she wanted to¬†but another friend stopped me for good reasons, he knew I’d had tooo much to drink, he looked after me¬†and must have sensed¬†our evening out together was in danger of getting out of hand. But still pulling her off me whilst we were kissing at the bus stop¬†does seem a little mean all these years later¬†and NO she was NOT a hooker! (Btw we were all age 17, us boys, her and all her :/¬†friends?)

Don’t despair, bare with me, my introduction misogyny and silliness done with, this post is very much more personal than usual and very much written for me, so much so I very nearly disabled likes and comments, we’ll see.

Introspection is all very well as long as there’s a point to self analysis,¬†looking inwards questioning¬†why life isn’t how I’d like it to be or would like it to be can¬†quickly¬†make way¬†to¬†feeling sorry for oneself, and wallowing in self pity isn’t a pretty sight further still¬†brooding over life’s¬†regrets can be self destructive!¬†Then again,¬†time to time¬†reflecting¬†on¬†one’s¬†direction in life¬†doesn’t hurt once in a while and where better place to write than on a blog.

Talking of blogs, do you ūüėÄ really¬†need to know or want to understand the reason why? Why I haven’t been here? No not really because you all have lives to lead, so Andrew of what cryptic nonsense do¬†you speak? I¬†began November blogging a post everyday for 18 days but then a week ago¬†I stopped, now understand I’ve been chastised in the past for apologising so I won’t,¬†all I will say is¬†I squeezed a boob and licked a nipple Wednesday evening……………..a HUMAN female breast I might add!!!!!!……….I know she¬†sounds fantastic but¬†being with her¬†wasn’t love and¬†I’m someone who¬†wants to be in¬†love and hates being single¬†:/ one night stands are ok I guess,¬†you know sex then go your separate ways, but¬†lust is a deadly sin for a good reason, sex without love is¬†well…..a little¬†pointless.

Why am I still single and living on my own? How did I come to be a bachelor when all I’ve ever wanted needed is to be in a loving relationship? I’m not going to even try to explain why just understand the reasons are complicated, the opposite sex confuse and baffle me and¬†I’ve NEVER been skilled at reading a woman’s body language or the¬†signals¬†she gives of herself?

Whether you can live with¬†a lady¬†is immaterial, just know you can’t live without her…….. ūüôā ahhh.

Over the past two years I’ve followed hundreds of ladies¬†writing of¬†their relationship happiness also heart rending¬†horrific tales here on WordPress. True stories¬†of¬†living with¬†controlling abusive narcissistic partners and the emotional scars and wounds their abusers¬†behaviour leave behind,¬†and yes I felt desperately sad for the ladies and their predicaments to the point I stopped reading because they upset me so….. you see I feel tremendous empathy towards people enduring sadness and hardship, reading was¬†I guess a form of¬†voyeurism but at the same time their accounts¬†were so¬†upsetting¬†I¬†sensed they were also¬†emotionally damaging and yes unhealthy so I had to stop…… there’s only so much of other peoples sadness you can take on board!!!

But rather selfishly I’m questioning myself tonight, asking myself ‘why the hell am I still single when I’d never treat another¬†woman so awfully?’ I’m a nice man, horrible word I know but it’ll suffice ūüôā I’m a nice guy I enjoy the company of women, I’m respectful polite and never arrogant, I listen often captivated by their femininity humour,¬†very often¬†amused by their funny little ways and of course¬†I¬†enjoy their sexuality always at a respectful distance mind!! However I live alone and internet dating isn’t the answer………..f#cking nightmare……don’t ever bother.

A married friend of mine says women are a different species, unfathomable emotionally irrational sometimes a little unstable,¬†however he wouldn’t¬†wish to¬†be unmarried for all the world, by all accounts my friend and his wife argue, as do¬†all couples but they obviously still love each other because they’ve reached 50 together! Btw he’s also a¬†gobshite who says during sex he’ll gaze at the bedroom wallpaper just so as to take his mind off the job in hand, apparently¬†convincing himself¬†‘to redecorate’, ‘musing over colour schemes’, ‘setting a start date’ apparently mundane thoughts help¬†prolong the intercourse, you know leave the moment of¬†ejaculation for as long a¬†time as possible, he says “it keeps her happy!”

ūüėÄ Back to me! Why AM I still single? I’m a nice man, I would never strike a woman, I have never sworn in front of a lady to the point this week I told a guy off at work for saying fuck and shit in front of a young Pakistani lady, his defence was she’s just a technician like the rest of us, BULLSHIT she’s a lady and he (my boss) was being a disrespectful misogynistic bastard! Afterwards I spoke to her and she said she wasn’t offended, laughed the abuse off because it wasn’t personal but I differ, work aggravation or not¬†the issue¬†wasn’t her fault and she didn’t need to witness language like that. I’m an¬†honourable man, there are standards and rules, yes¬†she works on a par in a man’s world but she’s still a lady and should be treated as such.

HOWEVER I’m not perfect, far from it, I’m prone to sulking rather than shouting and swearing, I guess my retort to difficult interpersonal situations is to go all ‘silent treatment’ you know act in a very childish manner, ‘you’ve upset me so I’m not speaking to you any more’ all very juvenile but so much better than lashing out verbally.

Btw I didn’t sit down to write a post about relationships, believe it or not I intended to share photographs I taken in the Lake District a¬†UK national park,¬†so heaven knows how I came to be questioning why I’m still single? Btw¬†‘WHY’ is¬†a long long story too complicated for even WordPress tonight or ever!!!!¬†I’ll leave photos for another day and see where this unplanned post goes?

To be continued……………..

46 – The Winter Wonderland Tag

untitled-2Thank you to Ash for sharing the love also the shout out, here are my answers to The Winter Wonderland Tag created by Trisha Malone, quite an entertaining¬†series of questions¬†to while away an hour ūüôā

A trivia fact for you all, did you know list posts are one of the most popular themes on WordPress? Apparently so, people love reading list posts, creating their own and enjoy sharing answers to questions.

All a bit of fun, here are my answers.

The Questions:

1.  Do you like the cold?


2. Favourite part of winter.

Hmm that’s a difficult one, happiness is a personal choice, easy as that!

3. Does it snow where you live?

Yes, I live in a country (UK) which experiences 4 completely defined seasons.

  • Winter’s are¬†very cold and guaranteed snowy weather, I’ll take pictures.
  • Spring is milder often wet with broken sunshine.
  • Summers¬†can be¬†very hot, this year I even saw a lady doing her Supermarket shopping wearing a bikini top!!
  • Autumns are a mixture of the above, take your pick…but no¬†bikinis!

4. Favourite clothing item during winter?

Hat gloves and scarf, I enjoy winter walks in the countryside but I can’t stand the cold.

5. Favourite winter memory?

Family Christmas’s of years gone by, the years pass¬†and faces change in photographs taken around the dinner table, they used to be of my little brother and our Grandparents, now¬†my brother’s not so little with two fine sons and¬†mum and dad are the Grandparents………….life’s family cycle continues.

6. Favourite hot drink? 

A cup of tea, whether summer or winter the British love their cups of¬†tea, in fact we’re addicted.

7. Best winter book to read curled up in a blanket. (This is my favourite question)

Without question ‘A Christmas Carol’ by Charles Dickens,¬†and I read his short ‘Ghost Story’ written in 3 Staves every Christmas without fail. Forget all those TV and Film adaptations, especially The Muppet one!!!!!¬†Charles novel is a truly wonderful story which I heartily recommend and darker than you’d imagine, it’ll take but hours.

8. Best winter movie to watch?

Frank Capra’s ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’, I watch on my own out of sheer embarrassment simply because I can guarantee by the end I will be in floods of tears….and I’m not joking!

9. Do you do any winter sports?

Pub games, does that count?

10. Favourite Christmas/Holiday/New year tradition?

Being part of a family Christmas.